Blind Items

Which Hollywood power couple is ready to pull the plug on their marriage? A hint: The union is only three years old — and produced a daughter. (Blind Gossip)

Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley? Yeah, they have about as much power as a solar-powered vibrator in Antarctica during the winter, but the only other options don't completely fit. MiserAlba & Cash Warren have 2 daughters. Mimi & Nick Cannon have one of each. Ellen Pompeo & Chris Ivery got married in 2007.

So I'll stick with Heeeeeigl. If it's true, it's only a matter of time before she starts motorboating A-Rod and all of Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz's other leftovers.

What celebrity who lost a bunch of weight supposedly off her diet program and never stops talking about it actually had surgery to achieve her amazing results. (CDAN)

JHud or Kirstie Alley?

Which very famous actress and music icon had a secret love child together in the late 1990s? Both of these parents are extremely well-known in their fields. At the time, Beauty and The Beast were each married to other celebrities, but had an affair while working on a project together.

Beauty was just becoming well-known at the time, and having a baby with a famous and married music icon while each was married to someone else would have hurt everyone’s careers. So, when they discovered she was pregnant, both couples agreed that Beauty would take a little time away from the spotlight, and Beast and his wife would publicly pretend to be pregnant.

Beauty and her husband separated because of the affair, but Beast’s wife stood by him and raised the child as her own… even though Beauty and The Beast have hooked up several times since then. (Blind Gossip)

Please let this be Angie Jolie and Mick Jagger. Please let Maddox reveal this ESCANDALOSONESS during one of Brangie's very special staged photo-ops. And please let Jennifer Aniston go lesbian and marry this secret love child.

This B- list model is not used to actually having to do anything for the money she is paid. Oh, not for modeling, but for being a girlfriend. See, our model previously was the girlfriend for an A list rapper and he only wanted her by his side to look pretty so people would think he liked women. She loved the role. He finally got tired of paying though so she moved on to another rapper who did not have as much money or fame, but it beat trying to audition for modeling jobs. The thing is though her latest guy is straight and expects way more from the model other than to look pretty. At this point she cannot stand the guy but has no other options. Plus, she thinks she can get a reality show out of this. (CDAN)

Orange Carnation (aka Amber Rose) and Wiz Khalifa? But if she's a B- list model, then Lindsay Lohan is an A-list voice of reason.

Although she works hard to present herself to the world as a wonderful person, this actress has a black streak a mile wide. She wants what she wants when she wants it, and she enjoys it even more if it hurts someone she dislikes. In this case, she is still pouring salt into the wound of the woman whose husband she stole. The woman has since moved on to a new relationship, but the actress just can’t leave bad enough alone. She wants the woman’s new beau to star with her in a movie. Considering that the beau is barely on anyone’s radar as an actor, it’s clearly a move designed by the actress to hurt the woman. BTW, although it would mean a big boost to his career, the beau will turn down the part out of loyalty to the woman. (Blind Gossip)

Angie Jo, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. No question mark needed since here's Exhibit: EVERYTHING. But importantly, why in clogged arteries hell do we need Salt 2: Saltier?!

This B/C list film actress from a series spent a summer as a young girl in Europe and allegedly had a baby from a fling there. She gave the baby to the father’s family. Ever since making her money in Hollywood, she has sent financial assistance to the family, under the strict instruction that child not know who the money was from. (BuzzFoto)

Teri Polo from Meet the Parents? It's all I've got.

What former just about A list tweener singer who now makes her living being a party girl wants new breasts. She already has fake ones but wants to go bigger, because as she said it, "Lets face it. My breasts are the only reason I get hired for anything and I need to find a guy before the rest of me goes." (CDAN)

This is probably Noah Miley Cyrus, but I'm going to say it's Hoku, because every time the name Hoku is typed a tiny bubble dances across the wind in Hawaii.

What former Housewife crashed a premiere party for another show and begged producers to put her on their show. (CDAN)

I have no idea. But here's some pictures of the prostitution whore-ah herself Danielle Staub giving "The Grinch doing kabuki" face at yesterday's Basketball Wives L.A. premiere. I'm just posting this mess for no reason, because it's totally not related to the blind item above at all.

We know you’re hearing conflicting reports about a certain celebrity couple. So, you want to know what’s really going on? Of course you do! Here you go:

1. Saying that their marriage is “intact” is simply a fresh way of saying that they are not yet divorced. Therefore, it is a true statement.

2. Celebrities want to be in control of the timing of announcements about their personal lives. They get really irritated when information leaks out prematurely. This couple is no exception. The info was leaked and they are furious. Expect them and their publicist/s to continue to deny any rumors to maintain a modicum of control until all the pieces are in place for the divorce.

3. Whenever a couple insists on excessive PDA and statements about how manly/ womanly/ sexually active they are, you should immediately suspect that at least one of them is bearding for the other. In this case, it’s a double bearding.

4. There are two publicists involved, not just one, and they are not playing well together. One contributing factor is a recent agent/agency shuffle.

5. Although the couple hasn’t really spent any time together in the past month or so, the one thing on which all publicists can agree is… photo ops! So you should expect several staged photo ops in the near future of the “intact” family. There will be lots of big, fake smiles and boisterous, fake laughter and playful, fake cuddling. They’re actors, people. All of them. Actors know how to fake happiness.

6. Leaking information that a woman is having a secret affair with her costar is a very creative way of trying to convince people that your client is heterosexual. She is not.

7. Don’t expect anyone to come out of the closet on this one as a result of the divorce. Their livelihoods depend on them being perceived as stereotypes of an A-list masculine action hero and a sexy and devoted mom.

8. Threats of lawsuits are mere blustering and are meant to discourage the media from printing additional stories. The truth is that this couple would never actually expose themselves to discovery (e.g. interrogatories, depositions, requests to produce documents).

9. They’re done.

10. Yes, we’re sure. We have only one degree of separation from this couple. (Blind Gossip)

That black bar is laughing at me for dragging its ass out even though this blind item isn't even trying to be blind. But #9 makes zero sense to me. If they want to look like the epitome of hetero love in front of the cameras, but also want to nibble on another ho's labia and chew on another dude's foreskin behind locked doors, why would they tear up their contract and end it all? They have it made.

AND when he's got the sads because his secret piece gets weirded out after he does the naked Carlton before ass sex, his stage wife can take him higher and cheer his ass up by performing scenes from Woo. This shit is a bearding WIN/WIN.

But I still want to know WWAVS (What would Aunt Viv say?).

Kind of obscure, but shocking. Really shocking. I actually thought about making this not a blind item, but then decided the woman is entitled to her privacy. The story should come out in the next few days and there will be enough detail for everyone to know I was first, but I just can't be the first to give the woman's name. Anyway, this D lister who has been in one documentary in which he starred and has had several appearances on television as his character is getting divorced. So, where is the shock? Well, the shock is that his soon to be ex says that he raped her and also fears for her life and the life of their cat when he is around. (CDAN)

I've got nothing except....SAAAAVE THE KITTEEEEEH!

We’re sure that these five women will each offer up a creative excuse for not returning to their respective shows next season. “I’ve decided to devote more time to my family/ my charity work/ my other professional projects/my navel lint collection/ whatever.” But the truth is that they are all getting fired.

Woman 1 is a reality show cast member. She’s getting fired because she’s brunette and nasty and nobody likes her anymore. At least she has her husband’s money to fall back on.

Woman 2 is another reality show cast member. She’s getting fired because she’s brunette and boring and nobody has ever liked her. She’ll be fine, though, because she actually has a job to which she can return.

Woman 3 is a TV personality. She shouldn’t be too shocked, given the demonstrable lack of given to her by her cast mates during a recent life event. She’ll be OK, though, because she has always worked and already has a ton of other projects lined up.

Woman 4 is a television actress. While she is not the lead on a TV series, she does play a major character. Producers plan to replace her with a younger and prettier actress to attract a younger demographic. She will almost certainly be offered another show.

Woman 5 is yet another reality show cast member. The most compelling part of her life is off-limits to cameras. Without that storyline, she just doesn’t have anything to offer reality TV. She also doesn’t have a job to which she can return, she hasn’t made money marketing herself, and she is too broke to do anything or go anywhere. (Blind Gossip)

1. Melissa Gorga from The Real Mobwives of New Jersey?
2. Cindy Barshop from The Real Housewives of New York City?
3. Sherri Shepherd from The View?
4. I would say Betty White but no bitch is prettier than her.
5. Taylor Armstrong from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

This A list actor who has been A list since being a teen heartthrob two decades ago, is rumored to own a special property offshore specifically designed to grow weed. (BuzzFoto)

Leonardo DiCaprio or Johnny Depp? But I'm going to throw Leo's name into my bong, smoke that shit it up and blow it out as my official guess. No wonder Blake Lively is crawling up his ass hard like he shits out weed flowers.

Can you imagine getting stoned with Blake NotSoLively? Blake naturally talks like a stoned blobfish with a mouth full of Novocaine jelly. So when she's stoned for real, it's probably like having a conversation with a half-deflated party balloon whose string is tied to a table fan. Not that I've had a stoned conversation with a half-deflated party balloon whose string was tied to a table fan...or anything.

This Twilight actress has not been getting the kind of dollar offers for roles she likes but has found a new way to make money. It seems that wealthy guys are very interested in spending time with her as her vampire character. She is happy to do so and will hang out with you for an entire night for $50K. Seems steep. (CDAN)

Get that money, RPattz! Or Ashley Greene?

This reality star turned celebrity turned lead actor in really bad movies should really stop juicing up. Apparently when he made the moves on his much younger co-star (who is an incredible foreign born actress you have never heard of but has terrible taste in guys) he was unable to go from six to midnight. He blamed being tired, but it is because of the roids. They tried again the next day but still nothing. (CDAN)

Johnny Knoxville or one of those other Jackass dudes? And don't roid heads get huge, hard butt pimples? Maybe she should've humped on that instead.

This B- list comedy actress got her fame from late night television but prefers movies. She also prefers to make everyone around her miserable. Right now she is shooting a movie and makes one demand after another to the point where the crew just wants the movie to be over so they never have to see her again. She is the epitome of someone who thinks way more of herself than anyone does of her. (CDAN)

Kristin Wiig is the only name I've got? Hopefully, she wears her baby hands while she pulls a JLo on hos.

What former Jersey Shore star offers private one on one parties for $5000 a night? (CDAN)

Angelina? But that $5000 party better include $1000 in food, $2500 in the sweet nectar and $1499 for the good shit, because I know that bottom of the barrel bitch is not charging $5000 to dive into her pool of STDs.

I know we're in a recession, but you can still get gonorrhea for free if you really want it. I mean, Angelina's luggage is provided by Hefty, so you know she makes a condoms out of old Ziploc bags, newspaper rubber bands and kitchen grease.

With so many mixed marriages in Hollywood, you might think that people of different religions marrying would not be such a big deal. Well, it is to this future bride. Her faith is so important to her that her fiancé is secretly converting to her religion. The demands of the conversion are quite rigorous. In addition to disciplined studies and participation in various ceremonies, he has also scheduled a very specific physical transformation to comply with the traditions of his new religion. While his training has certainly conditioned his body to handle any physical challenge, this is one procedure for which he can’t train. The two will be married after his conversion is complete, which should be before the end of the year. (Blind Gossip)

I'm guessing that Natalie Portman's piece Benjamin Millepied is the one who's peen baguette is getting pulled and snipped. Dick butter just ain't for Natalie.

This foreign born multi-platinum selling R&B singer who is barely out of his teens was getting mobbed the other night by adoring female fans. What they did not realize is that he has been having an affair with a much older man for the past three years. (CDAN)

Justin Bieber is forever 12 and is not an R&B singer no matter what lies Usher keeps trying to shove in our ears. Wheelchair Jimmy (aka Drake) is way past his teens and is more of a rapper. So I've got nothing. I'll just hit the fog machine, masturbate the harp with my hands and go back in time to my teens to guess that this is someone from Tony! Toni! Tone!

Which A list celebrity couple are having a "trial separation" while he is on tour? (CDAN)

Fishsticks Paltrow and Chris Martin? More solo bedroom bathtub time for her!

This A list movie actor who has always been close to his mother snapped on her last week. They were at a restaurant and started arguing over his latest romance and he got up and said, "What? Are you jealous? I'm not supporting you anymore and that starts with you finding your own way home. Bitch." (CDAN)

Leonardo DiCatchaho or Shia LaDouche?

Sometimes I get told items which do not necessarily appeal to everyone, but this one was too juicy. It is in Spanish because all of the people involved are Spanish speakers.

Este es un poco complicado, pero en realidad se casó con una actriz good.This lista ha apparead en el cine y la televisión. Aunque está casada, ella ha estado engañando a su marido con una compañera de reparto. El co-protagonista a su vez ha sido infiel a su pareja. Nuestra actriz fue sorprendida por su marido, pero ella fue capaz de convencer a su salida de ella diciendo que el hombre que estaba teniendo una aventura con la era en realidad tiene una aventura con otra compañera de reparto en el mismo programa. Sí, por lo que nuestra actriz marginado a un hombre sólo para proteger a sus aventuras sexuales. (CDAN)

The internet has always taught me that when Google Translation fails, go with Charo!

After walking her dog last week, this C list, (on her way to B list) actress (film and television) stopped by a park and let her dog run free. When her dog bit a young kid at the park, this actress allegedly gave the parents of the child a nice lecture on how they should control their child. She wouldn’t let them speak about their child’s injuries and threatened to sue the family because their kid harassed her dog. The parents stood bewildered as they held their crying child while the actress grabbed her dog and left. (BuzzFoto)

This act of ice cold bitchery sounds like it came from one of my dead-hearted idols January Jones? And I'm sure that before she disappeared in a cloud of cold white smoke, she handed the leash to the parents and told them that their brat of a child needed it more than her dog does. Then she told them that after she takes her dog to the groomers to get the child tears and blood out of his fur, she's going to send them the bill. She's going to make the best mother ever.

So much speculation and it’s been going on for years that she will finally leave him because he simply won’t, ever, change. But do you know the lengths she went through to get him, and keep him? Did you know she enrolled in classes at university, not because she was interested for herself, but because she wanted to be able to talk to him about...things? She wanted to be able to keep up. She wanted HIM to know/believe/think she could keep up. She worships his brain. She wanted to make sure that he was finding her brain adequately stimulating.

They say that he’s been trying to get out of there. He hasn’t tried. There has been no attempt. It’s kinda futile. First because, even if he were to want to bail, everyone in his life would be against it, and has warned him of the consequences, but also because she has told him straight up, on several occasions, “I will never leave you”. This one doesn’t get enough credit for her tenacity. (Lainey Gossip)

This is a new one for me. Going through years of higher learning to get some dick? I hope it was online courses at University of Phoenix and she didn't actually sit through hours upon hours of classes under fluorescent lighting. For good dick, I'd wax some of my parts until my vocal cords shriveled into the size of a newt's clit from screaming, but I wouldn't go back to a life of homework and writing papers. Fuck that.

I'll guess that Jennifer Garner is the one worshiping the brain inside of Ben Affleck's skull? Ugh. High school guidance counselors, please tell your students to go to college if they want a degree, not if they want some Affleck dick. It's not worth it.

There’s something about this top Hollywood star who secretly split from his D-list actress wife – and she’s about to file for divorce! They still pretend to be a happy couple and even appear in public with their children, but the truth is he has a weak spot for prostitutes! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Ben Stiller & Christine Taylor? There's probably a whole lot of prostitution whores out there who have had to pull Stiller pubes out of their mouths during the car ride home. Ben Stiller looks like he has coarse ass dick bush hairs that can poke through a condom. Whores beware.

One of my favorite American Idol castoffs was at it again the other night. Running from red carpet to red carpet to earn a few bucks and stay in the spotlight, she did spend some time hitting on this becoming very popular very quickly B list movie actor who is definitely not a bad looking guy. When he told her he was gay and not interested, she told him it did not matter to her. She thought they could help each other out. Well, he did help out someone else a few years ago. (CDAN)

Please tell me this is my former arch rival (in my head) Kristy Lee Cock and Taylor Lautner?

These two young gay actors have been boyfriend and boyfriend for a several years now. One is on a young adult drama, the other on an older housewifey series. For now, the two just pretend to be best friends, with no public PDA.

While Drama Guy is still closeted, Housewifey Guy is all but out. Ever since Drama Guy and his blonde beard “broke up”, Housewifey Guy has been putting the pressure on to come out publicly. He doesn’t even bother with beards, and wants Drama Guy to quit pretending he’s straight, too. Drama Guy is toying with the idea and has been polling his friends and a few select colleagues to see if they think that now is a good time to come out. His biggest opponent so far? His blonde ex, who worries that her popularity may suffer if she is exposed as a beard. (Blind Gossip)

Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl and Bree's big gay son (real name: Shawn Pyfrom) from Desperate Housewives is kind of too obvious, right?

Penn registers on my relatedtothemonchhichis radar, but he's never really registered on my gaydar. But I'm still going to go with Penn and Shawn, because Blake NotSoLively as the blonde beard makes sense. That lazy-faced trollop ruins everything.

This movie actress used to be on the cusp of A list. Now, she is still a B, but, will probably stay there for the rest of her career. Always attracted to and dating musicians, she recently decided to give one newly married rocker a special wedding present. Herself. He didn't seem to mind at all. Hey, it beats another set of china. Plus, it is not like they have not hooked up in the past even when he was dating his now wife. (CDAN)

Winona Ryder, Jamie Hince and Kate Moss? That's all I've got.

So, this reality star from one of my favorite reality shows. Not hard to guess which one if you read the site regularly. Anyway, she was at the airport the other day and checking in for her flight. Apparently there was an error so they had her in economy rather than first class. She did a don't you know who I am thing and the person said no, they didn't. "But, I am on a reality show." Still didn't work. Then she dropped the I used to be married to so and so. The clerk said, oh I loved him. Whatever happened to him. Still did not get our reality star in first class. They offered her business class, but she waited at the airport two hours for the next flight because she could not be seen in business class. (CDAN)

Camille Grammer? As much as the Saran-wrapped mound of ground heart in my chest twitches for Camille, bitch can't be serious for trying to drop her ex-husband's name. You can't pull that card when you get a divorce. That has as much clout as me telling the airline employee that I used to bone on one of their former part-time baggage handlers. Unless Camille was riding on Kelsey's flea dick in front of the counter, the employee isn't going to give a shit today, tomorrow or next lifetime.

Which hip-hop star’s gold teeth are emitting a foul stench? Music industry noses are turning away in disgust because of his vile breath—but it doesn’t seem to put off the ladies. (Page Six)

Lil Wayne? That goblin sees the dentist about as much as his dick sees a condom. I bet his bref reeks like a constipated pig's ass after a bareback butt orgy in a trough full of trash water.

Note to hos: If you ever let Lil Wayne go down on you, make sure you gargle your cooch out with Listerine afterward. You don't want gingivitis of the pussy and you certainly don't want to queef out food chunks.

This future bride is now in full panic mode about her wedding day. Her dress doesn’t fit. Rather than spend the next few weeks exercising and dieting, she has decided on more drastic measures, and has a three-point plan at the ready: She has ordered up a liquid diet for the week before the event; she has scheduled a colon cleanse during the final hours leading up to the big day; and, if she’s feeling particularly desperate, she has some little white pills at the ready. (Blind Gossip)

Sherri Shepherd? Kim Kardassian can squeeze her fat ass into anything since she has no bones or internal organs and is only filled with the blood of Satan.

This D list “actress” that was really made famous for her work on a drama/sitcom in the late 90′s is finding it hard to pay for her pill habit. To fund her dangerous and dark habit, she has been meeting people on Craig’s list for money. (BuzzFoto)

Lisa Nicole Carson from Ally McBeal? Lisa was shown the exit door on Ally McBeal, because she allegedly was hooked on the bad shit and kept acting the fool on set, so I'll guess her. Listening to Vonda Shepard sing cover after cover can do that to a ho.

Proving that no marriage vows are sacred in Hollywood, this B- actress who will drop to a C- after a certain franchise is over apparently is ready to be the next Mrs when the marriage of this A- actor is finally announced to be ending. The couple has had a few moments here and there over the past few months and the other night, our actor was overheard telling his assistant that the actress cornered him, dragged him into a bathroom and orally serviced him. He also said the following. "You know who would never do that." (CDAN)

Ashley Greene and Ben Affleck?

This Academy Award winning actor. See, I actually said they won. No guessing if they won. Anyway, this Academy award winning actor who is not exactly a big pile of fun got punched in the face recently. Yep. See, it turns out that this actor made a movie with this foreign born B list actress and because our Academy actor is an a-hole, he hit on her even though she is in a serious relationship. Well, she never told her B+/A- list actor significant other about the incident until recently. What used to be a friendship between the two actors is no more, and our Academy Award actor took a beating. Glad someone did. (CDAN)

Sean Penn, Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber? But Sean Penn's mug always looks like somebody or something just used it as a trampoline so I'm sure nobody noticed.

Which Glee actress who does not think she has a coke problem is out of control with her coke problem. It will be interesting to see if she can make it through the season without rehab. (CDAN)

If it's not Lea Michele then I really can't with that bitch. When you've got a nose like hers, it's your duty to use the hell out of it including snorting lines wider than your average coke mirror. And when Lea sings, she sort of looks like she's got the coke grinds.

Which C-list actor – who insists he’s sober – was recently tossed out of a Hollywood sex shop for throwing latex sex toys at customers and harassing female employees?

The boutique booted the once-promising star, but that didn’t faze him. He was furious because he left the story empty handed. (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

This is classic Andy Dick fuckery, so I'll guess him.

You know Guy 1 very well. He’s primarily known as a small screen guy. He’s done very well professionally, and has made a ton of money. He is good-looking. He’s currently dating a woman who is less famous.

You also know Guy 2 very well. He’s primarily known as a small screen guy. He’s done very well professionally, and has made good money. He is very good-looking. He’s currently married to a woman who is less famous .

They sound very similar, right? Then why were we so surprised to find out that the two men are actually a couple? Don’t know. We just never put the two men together.

But they are together. Guy 1 was visiting Guy 2 at work. An employee walked in on the two men engaged in a hot and heavy make out session. The two men were embarrassed, but said to the shocked employee, “You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” The flustered employee simply muttered “Excuse me”, and backed out of the room. On the way out, the employee bumped into Beard 2, who clearly knew what was going on in the other room. She noticed the expression on the employee’s face and snapped, “Oh, don’t act so surprised! You work in Hollywood.”

Extra clues:

Guy 2 was on the same television show as Beard 1.

Although Guy 1 isn’t out, he’s frequently out. That statement would make perfect sense if it the punctuation was different. (Blind Gossip)

I feel like I need a PhD in Blind Items to solve this shit.

My guess is that Guy 1 is Ryan Seacrest (as in "Seacrest OUT!") who is dating Julianne Hough who was on Dancing with the Stars with several possibilities for Guy 2 including Ian Ziering (not likely), Cameron Mathison (likely-ish) or Cristián de la Fuente (Gaycrest wishes!)?

Another guess comes straight from the Department of Yeah Fucking Right, but I'll guess it anyway. Guy 1 could be Derek Jeter ("out" as in baseball) who is dating Minka Kelly who was on Friday Night Lights with Kyle Chandler?

The day this C/D list star criticized her ex for a magazine interview, was the day she hooked up with him again. She did the tell-all interview and then popped on over for a booty call. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? (BuzzFoto)

Denise Richards, you wouldn't?!

We have heard that this B list television actor has gotten very deep into the New Age community. He is sleeping with several of the women that practice it with him and has them convinced that he’s some sort of spiritual leader. They are all into it. You know who is not into it? His wife and kids who have no idea. (BuzzFoto)

The only married B list television actor I'd bow to as my spiritual leader is Danny DeVito, so I'll go with him.