Anal Is Like The First Kiss
Joseph Sciambra is a former "gay porn star" and I put that in quotes, because I'd like to think I've seen a lot of gay porn and I've never seen Joseph Sciambra before. I guess he'd have to bend over and wiggle his stitched up sphincter for me to recognize him. Joseph used to be a butt sex-loving porn star and his ass canal was a birthing slide for demon entities, but now he's a Christian and speaks out against the dark-sidedness of ass sex on his website (which is a treasure in itself).
While sitting in what looks like the gift shop at The Holy Land Experience, Joseph tells us that butt holes were not designed to eat penises (Side note to Joseph: Try telling that to my b-hole.) and he believe he birthed out a demon through his ass. I don't think that was a demon. I think it was a lube-covered raisin, which looks and smells like a sadistic demon, so it's an easy mistake. Stuart Smalley's fashion icon then says that butt birthing out Rosemary's baby's twin fucked up his anus so bad that he had to get his sphincter stitched shut.
I know some of you are probably thinking that the doctor should've stitched up the sphincter on his face instead of the sphincter on his ass, but I disagree. Some of what comes out of his mouth is gold:
"Jenna Jameson never did anal onscreen."
"Anal sex creates a doorway into the demonic supernatural."
"Anal has become the first kiss."
I just want to buy a bunch of sphincter-shaped pillows and stitch (pun intended) those phrases onto every single one of them. And this does explain why every time I get ready to have butt sex, my piece hisses in horror, throws holy water at my ass and makes the sign of the cross while running out the door.