Afternoon Crumbs

The jokes write themselves: a vintage quote from Lindsay Lohan in Nickelodeon Magazine - ICYDK

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are STILL in Cabo and they're standing around like kids whose parents forgot to pick them up from school - Lainey Gossip

Noted ghost humper Ke$ha is an equal opportunity ghost humper who will hump on ghosts with penises or ghosts with vaginas - Towleroad

MiserAlba's bikini ass gives an encore performance - Hollywood Tuna 

That first mug shot should be Florida's official state flag - The Berry 

In case you believed Kim Kardashian when she lied and said that an E! camera crew hasn't moved into her uterus yet..... - The Superficial 

The look isn't Reese Witherspoon in a 1950s one piece and a trucker hat - Popsugar

And here's Pamela Anderson's ass - Drunken Stepfather

And here's Leonardo DiCaprio's future ex-girlfriend (it's inevitable) in chonies of every color - Popoholic

For the zero of you who already didn't know that LeAnn Rimes had a tracking device installed in one of her silicone titty sacks so the paparazzi always know where she is - Celebitchy

Jennifer Lawrence thinks acting is stupid - Cityrag

For about six seconds there I mistook Kristen Stewart for Skillrex without his glasses on - Just Jared

Never mind Fist Brown, Nia Long's Fresh Prince character is about to file charges against RiRi for stealing her entire look - Moe Jackson 

Krysten Ritter is the latest name of a million that's being tossed around for a role in Fifty Shades of Suck - IDLYITW

Riding the subway in Tokyo at rush hour seems about as fresh and pleasant as spending ten minutes in the Scientology's men sauna during happy hour - OMG Blog

Snoop Lion keeps it elegant in a red velvet fur coat - I'm Not Obsessed

Angelyne, please snatch your favorite wig off of Nicki Minaj's head - Crunk + Disorderly

This 10-year-old anti-Belieber needs to review everything from now on - Videogum

When my landlord opens my door for my family, because they haven't heard from me in days, they'll find me shivering with fear while scratching at my eyeballs with one hand and using my other hand to point at this picture of Madge doing the tango with Valentino on New Year's Eve - Lainey Gossip

STUNTS: RiRi and Fist Brown are still pulling 'em - The Superficial 

But what does Aunt Bunny have to say about this?! - Towleroad

Guess who's in a bikini again? You screamed out "JOANNA KRUPA!" before your eyeballs finished reading that last sentence, right? - Hollywood Tuna 

I'm not sure what this says about me, but I'd totally let ginger Rosie O'Donnell stick the tip in - The Berry 

JWoww's ass cheeks look like they're trying to escape from her body - Drunken Stepfather

I think I've spent less energy on desperately looking for peen on Craigslist than Anne Hathaway has on trying to get that Oscar and that's saying everything - Celebitchy

Who cares about Jenna Deawn and Channing Tatum, is that fat Marky Mark lounging behind them? - Popoholic

Slow clap to Kris Allen for tweeting the making of his first born and his almost death, while pimping out Ford at the same time - Just Jared

Nothing says "Happy New Year" like using the REDRUM Instagram filter on a picture of your tits, obviously - IDLYITW

Oh, don't mind Jennifer Lawrence, she's just eating a daisy on Vanity Fair - ICYDK

"Captain, stop the ship! I spot a Laxativos Store over there!" - LeAnn Rimes - Popsugar

Psy is retiring Gangnam Style....until he has to extend his 15 minutes in America by bringing it out again. So basically, until next week - SOW

My New Year's resolution is to stop hitting play on videos that have the words "Brown" and "Twerk" in the title - Videogum

The only thing I've learned from Royce Reed's Twitter rant is that she can tweet and stand in line at the unemployment office at the same time - Crunk + Disorderly

Nicole Minetti does the Jessica Alba - Hollywood Rag 

Goldie Hawn serves up some more "Peg from Lady and the Tramp" drunkness - Cityrag

The first and last time I'll ever type these words: Ke$ha's pussy looks so fresh - I'm Not Obsessed

Victoria Silvstedt is not only a gold digging goddess of pristine elegance, but she's a connoisseur of fine literature too - Hollywood Tuna 

Sydney is now fresh out of blonde models, because Leonardo DiCatchAHo ordered all of them for the yacht party he threw with Jonah Hill - Lainey Gossip

The 2012 In 4 Minutes video made my eyes have a seizure and now sketti sauce is leaking from my sockets - Towleroad

Rita Whora is in Dubai, celebrating the fact that she's no longer riding Rob Kardashian's whack dick and therefore doesn't have to listen to Kim Kardashian constantly barf at the mouth about her Kimye fetus - Drunken Stepfather

Megan Fox isn't working out her body yet, but she's seriously working out her mouth by running it every time someone sticks a recording device in front of her - ICYDK

You won't see ScarJo with beyond massive pregnant chichis anytime soon - Celebitchy

I think I'd rather see Papa Joe Simpson in that same bikini - Popoholic

Jill Martin is in a bikini if that's what you need to see today - IDLYITW

There's other fish in the sea and Poseidon's son will fuck them all now that he's single - Just Jared

That hair and those acid wash jeans tell me that Tacky Pataky needs less Miley in her life - Popsugar

Trace Cyrus figures that if The Hoff can become the toast of Germany, so can he and he's starting by entertaining the masses in the subway - OMG Blog

Even Lady CaCa knows that her crazed Little Monsters need massive amounts of therapy - I'm Not Obsessed

When Xtina stole Raven's wig and smuggled a fully stocked booze and baked potato bar into the AMAs  - The Superficial 

This is like Richard Gere's version of Playboy - Cityrag

Why oh why didn't those glasses malfunction and combust when they had the chance? - Hollywood Rag

Chestica Simpson's 10-gallon pregnancy chichis are already in their fifth trimester - Hollywood Tuna

Michael Buble isn't going to let some falling snow stop him from wearing hipster circa 2008 glasses - Lainey Gossip

The pilled-up hillbilly robot that is Brit Brit Spears is not coming back to The X-Factor, so now Simon Cowell can do what he should've done in the beginning: make his furry tit pies permanent judges - Celebitchy

Brendon Ayanbadejo says that around 3% of the NFL is gay and I need to know if Andy Dalton falls into that 3% so that I can adjust my fap time fantasies accordingly - Towleroad

Remember the time Katy Perry's ass crack made an appearance in San Dimas - The Superficial 

It's nice to know that when your eyes haven't adjusted to the morning light yet and you see a picture of Channing Tatum and his wife, you mistake them for Carrot Top and Courteney Cox - ICYDK

Break out the industrial-strength RID, one of Charlie Sheen's dick crabs escaped out of his pants again - SOW

Sofia Vergara dressed like a go-go dancer at a club inspired by Venom from Spider-Man - IDLYITW

What happens when a Magic Troll doll takes ecstasy at the Enchanted Forest rave - Drunken Stepfather

Nice try, Vanessa Hudgens, but showing off your yoga mat peen still isn't going to get Zac Efron back - Popoholic

Justin Bieber's secret love child with Usher is adorable - Just Jared

It wouldn't be the holiday season without a small peek of Simon Cowell's glorious tit fur - Popsugar

Kim Kartrashian, OctoMom or an orangutan's swollen anal glands? - Cityrag

Gerard Pique might've been joking, but I still hope that they name their kid Inocencio - I'm Not Obsessed

Stephanie Seymour is smoking on the beach and you would be too if you just humped the waves - Hollywood Rag 

Michael Musto pays homage to Angie Jolie's famewhoring leg, looks like the Benjamin Button baby of Stockard Channing and Grumpy Cat while doing so - Towleroad

Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber were all in Park City, UT together. Worst slumber party/orgy ever! - Lainey Gossip

These Stephanie Seymour beach pictures just aren't the same without her doing the kissing pretzel with her son - Hollywood Tuna 

Yes, I'm mad at that car for not releasing its emergency break before running over The Difficult Brown - IDLYITW

They don't call her ASSlee Simpson for nothing - Drunken Stepfather

For Anne Hathaway's next trick, she's going to make her husband file for divorce so she can get Oscar sympathy votes. I'm not kidding. - Celebitchy

Aly & AJwearing John Travolta's favorite onesie - Popoholic

Leighton Meester doing the "yes, this crack was born in prison, bitch" pose back in April -The Superficial 

Jennifer Garner SANS FARDS - Celebslam

Something to soothe your never-ending holiday hangover: PUPPIES IN THE SNOW! - OMG Blog

Versace used up all the Crisco and Photoshop for their latest ad starring Kate Moss - Hollywood Rag

Dear Brandi Analglanville and Eddie Cibrian, this is how split up parents are supposed to act - Popsugar

Hide the candy laxatives, LeAnn Rimes is hanging out with Eddie Cibrian's kids again - Just Jared

That picture looks like the Cryptkeeper's family tree - Cityrag

If Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus really did get hitched, then we'd hear his entire family wailing all the way from Australia over the fact that they're now tied to the Cyrus family indefinitely - I'm Not Obsessed

Janet Jackson is probably engaged to her billionaire boyfriend Wissam Al Mana (Note: You're not alone if you read his last name as "Al Mañana") and he's obviously just marrying her so he can be Detective La Toya's brother-in-law - Just Jared

Parents Magazine once again robbed White Oprah and Courtney Stodden's mom of the title of Mother of the Year - Lainey Gossip

Let's skip down Memory Lane and by Memory Lane, I mean Shakira's nalgas - The Superficial 

Cindy the mouse needs to be Lindsay Lohan's financial advisor - Towleroad

Those studded shoe horns really accentuate Nicki Minaj's tits - Hollywood Tuna 

But where's the picture of me crying at the bottom of the shower while holding onto my Zoopoo friend? - The Chive 

This Christmas, Nahla Aubry didn't get the gift of another scar on her childhood from watching Olivier Martinez beat the pretty out of her dad's face - Celebitchy

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis spent Christmas eating frozen yogurt in Iowa... Meanwhile, Demi Moore probably spent Christmas eating 20-something peen in the back room of a members only club in Miami called Iowa - ICYDK

Did Portia de Rossi and Ellen Degeneres finally become one person or did Tacky Pataky steal their look? - Popoholic

Chupa Zoe keeps her bones covered in St. Barts - Popsugar

The time I mistook JoJo for Lindsay Lohan's pre-meth face of 2001 - Drunken Stepfather

Happy Boxing Day, here's Thom Bierdz's dick bush and salchicha - (NSFW) OMG Blog

Kelly Osbourne's bikini body is on the cover of a magazine again - Hollywood Rag

Jack Klugman is in heaven now - SOW

I may or may not have wallet-sized versions of all of these Anderson Cooper pictures in my velcro wallet - Cityrag

FYI: Somewhere in California there's a nursing home that allows Emo horses in - I'm Not Obsessed

RiRi took a much-needed break from her daily grind of getting drunk while wearing bikini tops to get drunk while wearing bikini tops. You've earned it, RiRi! - Popsugar

Taylor Swift's mom supervises all of her sleepovers with Harry Styles, because somebody has to make sure that they're 9pm pillow fights aren't disturbing the neighbors - Lainey Gossip

Iggy Azalea needs to be spanked again for stealing Traci Lords' look - Drunken Stepfather

The California Hamster Association is mad at Justin Bieber and not because he gave his hamster to Richard Gere. Yes, that's me keeping urban legends from the 90s alive - Celebitchy

"Yes, honey, this finger goes up Simon Cowell's culito hole every night and it's going to make me a very rich woman, thankyouverymuch!" - Carmen Electra - The Superficial 

Henry Rollins' keeps fighting the good fight - Towleroad

I don't know who Claudia Galanti is, but the photo agencies have had pictures of her in a bikini every day this week and I'm starting to get concerned. She's been in the sun so much that her silicone titty sacks are starting to melt - Hollywood Tuna 

The more surprising headline would be: John Mayer ISN'T Cheating On Katy Perry - ICYDK

Yes, Holly Madison is whoring out every second of her pregnancy, but I'm more concerned that her dress has got me craving blue Twizzlers, because I don't think they make blue Twizzlers anymore - IDLYITW

Presenting Bruce Jenner's nightly beauty regimen - The Berry 

Geri Spice keeps the paparazzi from getting shots of her chonies, looks like she's busting into the Can-Can while doing so - Popoholic

Oh, I see Jennifer Aniston came out with a new line of kitchen accessories - OMG Blog

Xtina or truck stop hooker working the holiday shift? - Just Jared

LeAnn Rimes really needs to stop taking laxatives before appearances - SOW

When the write-up is better than the subject - Crunk + Disorderly 

Drew Barrymore thinks it's a little incestous that Kristen Wiig is licking on a peen she used to lick on - The Frisky

But when are we ever going to get current bikini pictures of La Bruja? - Hollywood Rag 

I think I just suffered a steroid overdose from watching the Pain & Gain trailer - I'm Not Obsessed

My guess is.... Fabio? - Cityrag

Harry Styles got another jacked up tattoo. I know he's 18, but from now on, his legal guardian should have to sign a consent form and no, Taylor Swift doesn't count - Lainey Gossip

Is this a lost scene from Little Vampires? - Drunken Stepfather

I really hope that Pedro Almodovar's "I'm So Excited" features a cameo from Jessie Spano - Towleroad

What it would look like if Justin Bieber got his own Flavor of Love dating show on Vh1 - The Superficial 

A Lot Of White Babies Were Born This Year: A Retrospective - The Berry 

When can we get a costume-off between the Miss Universe contestants and the queens from RuPaul's Drag Race? - Hollywood Tuna 

Angie Jolie is directing another feel good movie - Celebitchy

The Ann Jillian-ing of Rose McGowan continues - Popoholic

Who won season 3 of The Voice and a lifetime of performing as the pre-opening act on the county fair circuit? - Just Jared

Taylor Swift is going to make a wonderful sugar mama one day - IDLYITW

Panty Creamer of the Afternoon: Anna Faris' husband - ICYDK

Miley Cyrus should keep that scarf thing on her head - Popsugar

Why did RiRi shoot her new video in my uncle's front yard? - OMG Blog

The Flying Tomato got snipped (don't get any ideas, Carrot Top) - SOW

The entire alcohol industry can exhale now that Snooki is getting plastered again - Celebslam

If I had a Smart Car, I could possibly drive it through Carmen Electra's chichis - Hollywood Rag

Living the life is drinking straight vodka at the pool. Kate Moss knows what I'm talking about - Cityrag

The wife show TLC is missing is Beard Wives, obviously - Videogum

Dear LeAnn Rimes, shut the fuck up already - I'm Not Obsessed

Either Tamara Eccelstone's eyebrow game gets an F- or two greasy leeches are attacking her face - Hollywood Tuna 

Tommy Girl was as boring and humorless as soggy foreskin on Letterman last night - Lainey Gossip 

Instagram is your pimp, will sell your ass and won't even give you a cut of the profits - Towleroad

The Voice honors the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings (and now is not the time to make jokes about Xtina's $3 Pretty Woman wig) - The Berry 

James Franco is giving interviews while high on peyote again - The Superficial 

Megan Fox is talking about how having a baby and she will never ever stop - Celebitchy

Roman's chichis are way more luscious than Joanna Krupa's - Drunken Stepfather

Justin Theroux shows us what it would look like if Eddie Munster starred in Zoolander - Popsugar

Happy Tuesday, here's some shaved footballer crotch - (NSFW) OMG Blog 

Is Gnarly Girl the new Body Glove? - Popoholic

Selena Gomez loves Hooters - I'm Not Obsessed

Ashley Tisdale is so brave for showing her face after she got attacked by a tsunami of Tang - Just Jared

People don't want to hear Ke$hit's Die Young and I wonder why - ICYDK

When you're doing your morning ritual of injecting Red Bull directly into your skull, Hilary Duff is getting down - IDLYITW

BREAKING: Supermodel picks her own nose. I didn't even know they were allowed to do that. - Moe Jackson 

Tom Cruise loves going to hotels in case there are no gay people there - Videogum

Kim Kardashian looked like a bondage sausage for most of the year - Jezebel

What is Pamela Anderson doing for a check today? - Hollywood Rag 

The 11,000 square foot house that pussy popping and goat yodeling bought - Cityrag

10-year-old Romeo Beckham is a Burberry model now. Next up: Harper Seven's campaign for Louis Vuitton Pampers - Lainey Gossip 

Charlize Theron has grey hair, is still hot - Popoholic

Glamberace covers "Ray of Light" and manages to make Madonna sound like a trained opera singer with the voice of a million angels - Towleroad

If you're having a wedding and looking for a crazy mess to drink all the free booze and give your pervy uncle a hand job in the bathroom before stealing half of the gifts off the gift table, call Lindsay Lohan. Or call me, I'll do it for free - The Superficial 

This is why the Victoria's Secret Angels are crying today - Celebitchy

James Franco is going to be pissed at Emma Roberts when he finds out that she borrowed his favorite shirt to wear without asking - Drunken Stepfather 

Emma Stone's got a shoulder full of Gosling - The Berry 

Shouldn't Stacy Keibler be busy practicing her "walk, smile, fake laugh at George's joke" routine for awards season? - Hollywood Tuna 

Somewhere there's a gay matador who is sad because Gwen Stefani stole his outfit - ICYDK

Harry Styles got bored of playing with Taylor Swift's Easy Bake Oven (not a euphemism) so he went off and boned some chicks instead - IDLYITW

What in hitchhiking cowgirl granny hell is John Mayer wearing? - Just Jared

Well, here's Count Von Count in his chonies, because why not? - Popsugar

I didn't know White Oprah was a highly talented recording artist - OMG Blog 

My guess is Steven Tyler? - SOW

Carmen Electra's shoes look like they're trying to escape from her feet - Hollywood Rag 

Doesn't everybody suck dick in the sauna at the gym? Isn't that the only reason to go to the gym? - The Frisky 

My guess is Gay Al Reynolds? - Cityrag

It's like Brit Brit walked straight off the runways of Paris - I'm Not Obsessed

Tracy Browning might be a Lohan - Crunk + Disorderly