Afternoon Crumbs

J.J. Abrams is directing the next Star Wars movie. In other words, JJ ABRAMS IS DIRECTING ALL THE NERD MOVIES FROM NOW ON! - Coming Soon

Adele's chola nameplate necklace gave away her baby's name - Lainey Gossip

Meanwhile, Oscars producers have hired a SWAT team, officers with taser guns and grandmas with garden hoses, because if Anne Hathaway doesn't win, she's going to storm the stage something crazy - Celebitchy

What a waste of delicious guacamole - The Superficial 

"How many French footballer dicks does a trick have to suck to get her own couture collection?!" Zahia Dehar - Hollywood Tuna 

Even if Justin Timberlake got undressed in this lyric video, it wouldn't make the song sound any better to my ears - Drunken Stepfather

I've got my grass tuxedo and lei cock ring ready just in case Hawaii legalizes same-sex marriage (wink wink, Anderson) - Towleroad

Panty Creamer of the Day: Rodrigo Calazans - The Berry 

The DanRad gay hipster sex scene you've been waiting for is finally coming - IDLYITW

Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied are twirling and leaping their way to Paris. And yes, a double will do Natalie's twirling and leaping for her - ICYDK

Why wouldn't I be surprised if Ashley Jizzdale was the biggest "star" at that Movie 43 premiere - Popoholic

Steve Carell got hot - Buzzfeed

Claire Danes puts on a ohsoseriousface to defend her cryface - Videogum

Never mind the fact that Chris Hemsworth has hair like a lunch lady, THOSE ARMS - Popsugar

When a picture tells the joke so you don't have to - Crunk + Disorderly

What Angelina Jolie is going to wear to her wedding - Jezebel

Another Buble baby is coming - I'm Not Obsessed

What in the Faces of Meth hell? - Just Jared

Chris Kattan shows us that any time is the right time to work on your gag reflex - SOW

Nip covers are SO NOW! Just ask Nicole ScherMINGEr - Celebslam

Kat Von D's taste in shoes are about as shitty as her taste in dudes - Moe Jackson  

Disney cast Taylor Swift as Rapunzel in their Dream Portrait series and she must've dated, dumped and wrote a song about the Photoshopper, because he's obviously mad at her. I mean, why else would he Photoshop her arms to look like tiny Matthew McConaughey arms? - Disney Parks Blog

Prince Hot Ginge is back in Britain! May the vodka snorting and stripping commence! - Lainey Gossip 

At this point, I'm pretty sure Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans was created by extreme environmentalists to promote human sterilization. Their plan is working. - The Superficial 

Chely Wright is having twins and I'm sure her twins won't look as identical as Chely and her partner do - Towleroad

Megan Fox's classy Marilyn Monroe tattoo found a new home - Hollywood Tuna 

Kelly Osbourne is engaged to the guy from Extreme?!? - Celebitchy

Miranda Kerr must be wearing weights in her shoes, because I'd think that more than two helium balloons could take her skinny ass up, up and away - Drunken Stepfather 

Jakey Gyllenhaal butched up his look for a movie and is giving me "white cholo at career day" vibes - The Berry 

And here's another set of pictures for your Hilary Duff Walking To Her Car Tumblr - Popoholic

Pimp Mama Kris beat, kicked and threatened to kill Kim. Well, we don't call her Pimp Mama Kris for nothing. She keeps her hos in check - ICYDK

RiRi cracked Lena Dunham's heart in two - IDLYITW

Renee from Mob Wives is going to put a hit out on JLo when she finds out that ho stole one of her outfits - Popsugar

And here's a picture of Jason Isaacs gently choking January Jones - Just Jared

This is the gay sex scene from last week's Shameless, but it's also a scene from my dream parody porn starring Cameron Monaghan as Prince Hot Ginge and the soldier guy as me - OMG Blog

Angie Jo is her family's full-time poop escort - Moe Jackson 

If a squinty pony played Johnny Suede... - SOW

Bradley Cooper wants to play Lance Armstrong - I'm Not Obsessed

Gregory Matthew Bruni is totally Florida's best eligible bachelor - The Frisky 

Justin Bieber's sex times with a nursing student sounds almost exactly like the sex scene from Boys Don't Cry - Celebslam

NKOTB, 90 Degrees and Boyz II Men have blown the panties off of every 30-something by reuniting for a tour called The Package. Yes, their tour is called The Package and I don't see one package on any of the ads. False advertising. - Just Jared

Brit Brit's chichis are confused, scared and suffocating, because they forgot what it's like to sit in a bra - Lainey Gossip

Not pictured: Casper Smart in the ocean, smiling, because he dog paddled without his water wings on for the first time - Hollywood Tuna

Jimmy Olsen gets a sex change in Man of Steel - The Superficial 

If Rachel Dratch ever had a lifelong dream to run the Double Dare obstacle course, she sort of fulfilled it by running the Julia Roberts obstacle course - Towleroad

Leonardo DiCaprio is pressing pause on his acting career, because he really wants to focus on his true love: humping Angels - Celebitchy

The time I mistook Paul Rudd for David Duchovny - The Berry 

The time I mistook Basement Baby for a subdued Lauryn Hill - Necole Bitchie 

Who hasn't taken a bath with clothes on their body and a face full of make-up on their face? Monica Bellucci knows what I'm talking about - Drunken Stepfather

My mom would be honored that Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket made from the faux sheepskin seat covers in her old Buick - Popsugar

Olivia Munn's ass in a bikini in case you forgot what that looked like - Popoholic

Well, this is a really smart way to get Lindsay Lohan to move to rural Ireland - Gawker

A baby is coming out of Shakira's body right now - I'm Not Obsessed 

When motorboating goes terribly, terribly wrong - The Frisky 

Malia Obama should've followed that side-eye up with a wig snatching - Crunk + Disorderly

This is probably what Lindsay Lohan uses to tell time - Towleroad

Benedict Cumsinbtches promises a mighty Cumberbulge in Star Trek - Videogum

Red, White and NO - ICYDK

Only Kunty Karl's lesbian brides would look like creepy virgin vampire sisters - Queerty

And here comes the "Manti Te'o invented a dead girlfriend to cover up his love of hard dick" theories - Towleroad

The boy from About A Boy got manly in the face super fast - Lainey Gossip

That broken bathroom door really is a metaphor for Jenelle Evans' entire life - The Superficial 

These outtakes from RiRi's Complex shoot are giving me "Coco in Fame" vibes - Hollywood Tuna 

Lena Dunham says she's not fat in Detroit - Celebitchy

When are we going to find out that Tamara Ecclestone is really a pre-op Mufasa? - Drunken Stepfather 

This is the weirdest and cleanest bukkake video I've ever seen - OMG Blog 

I've always wanted to know what it felt like to get dumped by Samuel L. Jackson with the help of Taylor Swift and now I know! - IDLYITW

I know diamonds can cut glass, but can rhinestones cut ass? Just wondering for future reference - The Berry 

The most interesting Greene on that red carpet is the fern in a box - Popoholic

"Mini humans are so weird" said Claire Danes as she looked at her newborn baby's face at the airport - Popsugar

My grandma had a braided rug on her kitchen floor that looked almost exactly like the dress Selena Gomez is wearing and my grandma's kitchen floor wore it better - Just Jared

Forgive me abuelita, but yes I'd let the Pope's secretary stick the tip in and wiggle - Jezebel

The photographer managed to capture MiserAlba looking as dull as her personality - Hollywood Rag 

Daniella Moyles' nipple is a camera hog - Moe Jackson 

Jennifer Aniston is the new face Aveeno and every time I read the word "Aveeno" it makes me want to guzzle on a bottle of a vino - I'm Not Obsessed

Scott Disick was a teen novel model, because of course he was - The Frisky 

It took ten combs, five pair of scissors and a freshly sharpened machete to get Chaka's hair off of Erykah Badu's hair - Crunk + Disorderly

Three Las Vegas casinos really want the chance to waste $200 million - ICYDK

Nicole Kidman tells The Hollywood Reporter that she respects Isabella and Connor's spiritual beliefs and will not talk about Scientology. In other words, Nicole Kidman doesn't want the Sea Orgs to kidnap her and force her to grow fields of wild flowers in the desert for Tommy Girl - Lainey Gossip 

Jessica Simpson was shocked to learn that taking a sperm shot to the ovaries leads to pregnancy - The Superficial 

The future President of Italy is the perfect portrait of bridal elegance - Hollywood Tuna 

Future headline: John Travolta arrested in NYC for fapping during Picnic - Towleroad

#ROBSTENISBROKENMAYBE - Celebitchy

Mischa Barton pumps her own gas and looks like she's rolling on E while doing so - Popoholic

John Mayer's blue waffle scarf really brings the douche out in his face - Popsugar

Like a dog with swollen anal glands rubbing its butt against a tree - Drunken Stepfather

If this list of hot gingers was an order form, I'd take #1 through #8 and #11 through #24 (sans #18). Free shipping, right? - The Berry 

I should slap myself for typing this, but David Beckham looks hotter with his coat on - Just Jared

Kourtney Kardashian's baby seems really excited about putting her mouth on Kim Kardashian's plastic nipple knob - ICYDK

PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! Kriss Kross is back, which means we can all start wearing our clothes backwards again - Vulture

This would've happened to Miss Daisy if she lived in 2013 and had to drive herself - The Frisky

Drew Barrymore has the wine - Videogum

Riridiculous! - Necole Bitchie

First stop, the GLAAD Media Awards! The next stop, the EMMYS! - I'm Not Obsessed

Yeah, yeah, James Franco, stop being a tease and give us the goods. I can't fap to moans (or can I?) - Jezebel

Amanda Bynes' cheek piercing isn't the worst thing she's done to her face (see: her lips) - SOW

If Buffalo Bill finished that female skin mask, it would probably look a lot like Courtney Stodden in these pictures - Hollywood Tuna 

Lily Allen popped out another daughter and gave her the name of a spinster from the old west - Lainey Gossip 

Megan Fox's thoughts are too profound and important for Twitter - The Superficial 

Andrew Rannells is a gold star gay and I'm barely a tattered bronze star gay - Towleroad

Mimi only eats purple things three days a week (insert Barney cum joke here) - Celebitchy

They used all the Photoshop on Stephanie Seymour's face - Drunken Stepfather 

Beyonce and Destiny's red-headed stepchildren will perform at the Super Bowl - The Berry 

How did Vanessa Hudgens not getting arrested for disturbing eyeballs by wearing those UGGs? - Popoholic

Jennifer Lawrence and the boy from About a Boy broke up - Just Jared

This story is way more interesting if you read the headline as "FIGHT FOR THE PUBES!" - I'm Not Obsessed

This list of the best failed TV shows of the 80s is nothing without The Charmings - The Awl

Is the Kelly & Sharon Osbourne vs. Lady CaCa feud going to end with Ozzy biting CaCa's head off on stage? - ICYDK

Jason Trainwreck wrote a really nice resignation letter for Brit Brit - Popsugar

What was the most exciting thing to happen to Andy Warhol? - Kelly Green Blog

The only thing better than Ryan Gosling handing out free Girl Scout Cookies is Ryan Gosling handing out free Girl Scout Cookies while all the way nekkid - The Frisky 

I'll have four slices of both, please - Jezebel

Remembering the TRL Tour (gone too soon) - Buzzfeed

Not pictured: The team of CalTrans workers who have to fix the pot holes that Wonky McValtrex creates every time she steps - Celebslam

Gabourey Sidibe and her fugged up, open-toed boot shoes stomped on all the hos at the Girls premiere last night - Popsugar

George Clooney and Cindy Crawford's husband are making tequila together, because they'll make millions just from Jennifer Aniston alone - Lainey Gossip

So is E.L. James a writer for Star Magazine now? - Celebitchy

AJ McCarron is mad that his hot girlfriend is more famous than his artistically beautiful chest tattoo - The Superficial 

There's really only way for David Beckham to prove The Daily Mail wrong... My eyes are ready - Towleroad

FYI: The paparazzi still show up when Ashley Tisdale calls them - Hollywood Tuna 

Kim Kardashian is only letting calorie-free piss touch her body, thankyouverymuch! - ICYDK

Cindy Crawford's still got it - Drunken Stepfather

Will Ferrell uses his big knife to cut Ryan Gosling's warm butter - The Berry 

In case you wanted Jack Osbourne's wife's opinion on Taylor Swift's non-stop carousel of a love life - IDLYITW

Elton John and David Furnish won't announce the birth of their second kid until UsWeekly shows them that big money - I'm Not Obsessed

Jessica Chastain looks sleepy in InStyle - Cityrag

Jamie Chung's look is very Contempo Casuals clearance rack chic - Moe Jackson 

Reese Witherspoon and I have the same yoga mat...except I haven't used mine in at least 8 years - Popoholic

Jennifer Aniston needs to stop listening to Justin Theroux and step far away from the black leather for a while - Just Jared

Willow Smith is getting deep now - OMG Blog

Omarosa will probably rip Detective La Toya's face off on Celebrity Apprentice, but it's a good thing La Toya always keeps a spare one in her handbag - Crunk + Disorderly

Brad Paisley's ode to Honey Boo Boo is obviously missing a verse about Mama June's Forklift Foot - SOW

Thanks to Beyonce's under-titty action and body chain, GQ is giving us a double dose of sophistication on their new cover - Just Jared

Brad Pitt's billy goat beard is making a comeback - Lainey Gossip

Remember when Nicole Trunfio hosted Make Me A Supermodel? Yeah, me neither - Hollywood Tuna 

The Silver Fox yells at a lady for stuffing a banana peel in a box and yes, that's a euphemism, I'm sure - Towleroad

Expect Michael Lohan to "leak" another phone conversation with his daughter, because how else do you think he's going to pay a lawyer to sue White Oprah for telling the truth for once? - The Superficial 

Why is New You Magazine calling Pete Burns "Courteney Cox"? - Celebitchy

Hilary Duff shows us the weirdest way to 69 - Drunken Stepfather 

.....and yet not one picture of Frank Ocean's nipples - The Berry 

Mark this day, the paparazzi take a picture of Taylor Swift and she's not holding the hand of some white teenage celebrity boy - Popoholic

Just because Jennifer Aniston cuts all of the yarn locks on her Cabbage Patch Kid's head doesn't mean Jimmy Kimmel should let her cut his hair - Popsugar

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber aren't scissoring anymore - IDLYITW

Lane Armstrong will open up about being a dopehead to Oprah - ICYDK

Mimi and Nicki Minaj keep the shade-a-thon going - Popbytes

Space Station Hair IS the look - Videogum

Miss USA America 1964 (or whatever her year was) from The Real Housewives of Atlanta is not being Gone with the Wind fabulous by pretending that her fake relationship wasn't just a stunt - Crunk + Disorderly

Hilary Banks definitely wore this outfit on season 1 of Fresh Prince and she's not going to be happy that her little sister stole it from her - Moe Jackson 

Katy Perry goes SANS FARDS in Hawaii - Cityrag

Kate Upton is a plushie's wet dream in Elle France - Celebslam

The Texas T-Rex is gaining weight, which means that he has finally reunited with his bong - I'm Not Obsessed

It was very nice of Knott's Berry Farm to lend Ryan Gosling one of their employee uniforms for the Gangster Squad premiere - The Frisky 

Forget the gold medal, Ryan Lochte has finally achieved the true medal of honor: his own E! reality show - Lainey Gossip 

Christina Hendricks' magnificent chichis are selling something - Hollywood Tuna 

Yes, we're still talking about Fantasia's thoughts on gay marriage - Towleroad

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ADRIEN BRODY?!!!!! - Drunken Stepfather

Katherine Webb is America's new Pippa Middleton - The Superficial

My lungs hurt and my ribs are sore from watching Mimi suck in for her life - The Berry 

Italian rugby ass alert - (NSFW) OMG Blog

Emma Stone's dress looks like wrapping paper leftover from Christmas - Popoholic

Every single night, Walton Goggins softly sings Klymaxx's "I Miss You" and dedicates it to lady pubes - Celebitchy

All of Justin Bieber's jank ass tattoos tell me that he really wants to be in prison, so somebody should make his wish come true - IDLYITW

BREAKING: Blake Lively can talk, walk, hold hands and hold a cell phone at the same time - Popsugar

Nick Nolte couldn't be bothered to give one fuck - SOW

Prepare to be shocked out of your tits: Charlie Sheen's latest goddess is a porn star - Celebslam

Steven Seagal keeps it sexy AND safe in a bulletproof kimono - Videogum

Dear man in the quilted jacket, I don't know what this shit on Bradley Cooper's head is either - I'm Not Obsessed

I really hope Imogen Poots is Zac Efron's next beard because FroPoo would be a really good couple name - Cityrag

Rest in peace, California TV legend Huell Howser - LAist

I want to cut my retinas for clicking on those shirtless pictures of Justin Bieber - Lainey Gossip

Beyonce must be mocking precious Tim Tebow because she did this too - Towleroad

I really hope that Papa Joe was biking to the nearest Sally Beauty's to buy a box of hair dye - The Superficial 

Oh, Mary-Kate Olsen isn't doing what you think she's doing. What's that? You think she's just slowly sucking out his soul through the pores on his nutsack? Okay, you're right then - Hollywood Tuna 

What happened when V Magazine threw Kate Upton, a twink, a mannequin maid and a whole lot of awkwardness into a motel room - Drunken Stepfather

Zac Efron keeps filling out in the face - The Berry 

The future Jocelyn Wildenstein known as Courteney Cox gets the wrinkles lasered from her hands - Celebitchy

RiRi got a new weave - Just Jared 

Being rich is hard, being a non-pretty is fun by Lena Dunham - ICYDK

Since Jennifer Love Hewitt has been through 99% of the unavailable men on the planet Earth, she's trying her luck on another planet (or maybe this is her way of trying to get Buzz Aldrin) - Popoholic

Rosario Dawson and Danny Boyle keep the meaning of random alive by continuing to hump each other in Barbados - Popsugar

Thomas Gibson got a DUI - SOW

Two words: troll yoga - Hollywood Rag 

Heidi Klum's daughter is her mini-me  - Cityrag

Claire Danes is happy that she's not a stay-at-home mom - I'm Not Obsessed

Kaylin Garcia NAILED the slutty Dracula look - Crunk + Disorderly

FYI: Soon you're going to get spam e-mails from Gerard Depardieu where he'll tell you that he's pretty, lonely and wants to marry your heart  - Videogum