Afternoon Crumbs

JWoww shows off Dr. Frankenstein's finest work - The Superficial 

Charlize Theron only stayed near Seth MacFarlane all night, because she wanted the name and number of the dentist who did his glistening veneers - Lainey Gossip

Jennifer Aniston is such a cold-hearted, crew-hating bitch for wanting to eat lunch by herself. String the evil witch up! - Celebitchy

My dog already does this on a daily basis, so I don't need even more animals burning looks of judgement into my skin - Towleroad

The Photoshop Awards: They pasted Debbie Harry's 1975 face on Cameron Diaz's head - Drunken Stepfather

The fashion world is breathing a sigh of relief, because one of their most beloved icons is back to dressing like the legend she is - Hollywood Tuna 

Cut to me later tonight when I'm on my knees, praying to the Gods to please cast Prostitution Whore-ah in The Real Girls of the Bada-Bing - Reality Tea 

Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly looks like a frozen stick of Play-Doh as Grace Kelly - ICYDK

Shaun White looks AWFUL! - Just Jared

Hilary Duff took her "walking to the car" act from L.A. to Hawaii - Popooholic

Cut to John Travolta later tonight when he's on his knees, praying to L. Ron Hubbard to please make him one of Mike from Shahs of Sunset's wax strips in his next life - OMG Blog

Can't Lindsay Lohan play Lindsay Lohan in the porn parody of The Canyons? - IDLYITW

The world's greatest showgay Richard Simmons shows all future talk show guests how to really entertain the masses - Jezebel

Don't mess with a Phoenix go-go boy - Queerty

But yet The Happening made sense to Marky Mark? - Videogum

Oh, Leonardo DiCatchAHo's holding another open casting call to be his next piece - Popsugar

Baby Oprah's eyebrows are no joke - Crunk + Disorderly

Justin Bieber assumes the position - Cityrag

Falkor + clip-on bangs = not the look - I'm Not Obsessed

Seth MacFarlane is done with the Oscars. (Is it too early to start my petition to get Honey Boo Boo to host next year?) - SOW

(Pic via FameFlynet)

The first Hunger Games: Catching Fire poster looks like a picture from an alien cult wedding (so basically, I'm saying it looks like a picture from a regular Scientology wedding ritual) - Just Jared

"Oh, so you met a boy in London? Don't tell us his name, because he's not going to last the week and remembering all these names is hard." - Taylor Swift's family - Lainey Gossip 

Ashton Kutcher is moving Mila Kunis into his house, because he really misses that intimate moment you share with your live-in significant other when they catch you bareback boning some cocktail waitress on the dining table - The Superficial 

Hollywood's very own public pisser (not R. Kelly) pleads no contest to pissing in an airport and really wants you to know that he's not on meth - omg! Yahoo

Methinks that Jennifer Lawrence was taking an open-eyed nap during this photo shoot - Drunken Stepfather

Pitbull mauled and dragged Lindsay Lohan's ass in court  - Celebitchy

Who cares about Katherine Webb! When are we going to get pictures of the real bombshell of Splash, Louie Anderson, doing the same poses? - Hollywood Tuna 

Some fap material to get you through the weekend. I'll turn out the lights on my way out. - The Berry 

Oh, it's just Neil Patrick Harris doing an impersonation of Snooki's cooka when it swallowed Vinnie's watermelon dick - Towleroad

Melissa Etheridge looks AWFUL! - ICYDK

Vanessa Hudgens' dress is very Venezuelan game show hostess circa 1989 - Popoholic

Some of the crap in the Oscar gift bag is the same crap you get for Christmas from the aunt who hates you - IDLYITW

And five seconds later, a tribe of cats tackled her to the floor and dragged her away - OMG Blog

Emmy Rossum looks like the ghost of a silent movie star - Go Fug Yourself

Well, there goes your dream of marrying the last unmarried Backstreet Boy - ONTD

Where is a flying beaver-eating hawk when you really need one? - Cityrag

You know it's Friday when you mistake Juliette Lewis for Phoebe Price - I'm Not Obsessed

RPattz is that guy at the party - Videogum

Woe is the Real Crazywives of NYC - Reality Tea

Tina Fey should just wear that blouse made of plastic flowers from Michael's every day, all day and she should be cool - The Frisky 

Judging by this fugged up outfit she's wearing, Kristen Stewart should probably update the prescription on her glasses - Popsugar

Elegance IS learned and David Beckham's sister is teaching us that the first step to becoming a sophisticated lady is to wear your dress backwards. Show me someone who says that Victoria Beckham is the fashionable one in the family and I'll show you a trick ass liar. Work that angel's harp neckline, girl! - Drunken Stepfather

Kristen Wiig is playing Young Lucille Bluth in the new season of Arrested Development and I'm hoping that Honey Boo Boo plays Young Lucille 2 - Lainey Gossip 

Jessie J or a young Swedish boy in drag as JWoww? - Hollywood Tuna 

The Oscar Pistorius case is getting even messier and I see you dirty, shameless sluts staring at his poker. No shame! - Celebitchy

Oh, here's a hot zombie attacking Bradley Cooper and sadly the scene isn't from a gay porn parody of The Walking Dead - Towleroad

Why does Mark Hamill look old and C-3PO looks the same? They make Botox for robots? - The Superficial 

Presenting the science project that White Oprah helped Cody Lohan make! - The Berry 

Yeah, yeah, B. Coop, you're a pussy-loving, hot-blooded, clit-slurping hetero. We get it - ICYDK

ScarJo isn't getting herself a second husband after all - IDLYITW

Miranda Kerr's dress is giving me the dizzies - Popoholic

Today's man cheeks moment brought to you by the dude in Arrow - (NSFW) OMG Blog 

The producers of Orphans wasted no time in replacing Shia LaBeouf  - Just Jared

It kind of looks like Kate Hudson is about to make out with that fake candle - Popsugar

Kim Kardashian's surrogate revealed! - Celebslam

Being with Chris Brown is messing with RiRi's money - Buzzfeed

Puppies should present at the Oscars too....and host the Oscars.... and be the only ones eligible to be nominated for an Oscar - Cityrag

Kim Kardashian's true talent is making a designer pair of shoes look like the church heels your auntie bought for $5 at Payless - I'm Not Obsessed

Please tell me that Courtney Stodden is Miss Oscar this year - Moe Jackson 

This guy is such a hipster that I kept waiting for Terry Richardson to cum on his glasses - Videogum

This list of history's hottest male models is incomplete and inaccurate without Fabio - Boy Culture

A check is a check: Lance Bass, SuBo, Tiffany, Wynonna Judd, The Village People and other glittery stars of the A-list universe sing about opening their mouths for a white creamy load. This is the closest any of us will get to seeing SuBo in a sex tape so take it and fap to it while you can get it - Towleroad

But for why did Entertainment Tonight make Prince Michael Jackson look like a 30-something motivational speaker? - Lainey Gossip 

The German rose Micaela Schaefer is still putting her shredder to good use - Hollywood Tuna 

Either Lisa Marie Presley left the Church of Tommy Girl or she used to be in the KGB (yes, I've been watching The Americans) - Celebitchy

"Hey, you filing papers over there, you want to take my daughter for a date for $500? But whatever you do, don't feed her a Frapp after midnight." - Daddy Spears to David  - The Superficial 

Miley Cyrus did something really shocking on Instagram. Happy Sarcasm Day! - Drunken Stepfather

FYI: British dudes do not want to hump on Kristen Stewart (and I'm sure RPattz voted for her too) - The Berry 

Even though Colin Farrell looks like bruised, beaten and busted Skillrex, I still would - ICYDK

The new Real Housewife of Orange County looks like a low-budget Denise Richards wax figure with Tish Cyrus' dentures shoved into its mouth - Reality Tea

It's nice to see that one of Janet Jackson's tour costumes from the 90s made its way onto Selena Gomez's body - Popoholic

"Creatives differences" is a publicist's way of saying that even Alec Baldwin couldn't take Shia LaDouche's drunk asshole ways - Just Jared

Thanks, Post Office, but I'll keep my money in my wallet until UPS starts selling their brown coochie cutters - Jezebel

Squinty Zellweger is starring in staged photo-ops on the beach now - Popsugar

The alley way of doom between Bethenny Frankel's chichis tells me that she has the same plastic surgeon as Tori Spelling - Celebslam

The word "nigga" will continue to make an appearance on Lisa Lampanelli's tongue - Crunk + Disorderly

The people of Harlem on the Harlem Shake - Videogum

Pimp Mama Kris just pulled Kim's leash tighter, because her prized pig ain't going anywhere - I'm Not Obsessed

RiRi is spending her 25th birthday the same way she spends every day - Cityrag

Michelle Williams is growing her hair out, which is why she looks like an Emo guinea pig right now - SOW

White Oprah, is that you? - The Frisky 

What in Joan Jett Kabuki Hell did Paper Magazine do to Vanessa Hudgens? - Drunken Stepfather

Is that a compact in ASkars' pocket or does he have one of those extra long flat head peens? - Lainey Gossip 

Olivia Munn's goth chola lipstick is not a good look for her face - Hollywood Tuna 

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is working The Rachel - Celebitchy

Well, I once got dumped the day before Valentine's Day, so these gifts ain't got shit on me - Towleroad

I think what GOOPY Paltrow meant by this is just she just really wants to eat actual carbs and fuck all day - The Superficial 

You'll get credit for your film studies class if you fap to this supercut of peens in cinema - OMG Blog

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Therouxup should make the earth's core melt by having a double wedding with Brangelina - ICYDK

The chicks from Spring Breakers all looked like early 90s South American beauty queens at the premiere in Paris - Popoholic

Sorry, Katherine Webb, Louie Anderson is the real bathing beauty of Splash, but nice try - IDLYITW

AC Slater is going to be a dad again and he better name this one Preppie - Just Jared

Not pictured: a Mama June fart and one of Jessica Simpson's saliva bubbles - The Berry 

Michelle Obama's got a red Corvette on her forehead - Jezebel

The V for Vendetta beauty on the left is giving me the faints - Crunk + Disorderly

ScarJo might having a hitchin' ring on her finger - Popsugar

I'm not sure how I feel about Fuggie Fug's unibrow glasses - Cityrag

FYI: Jason Biggs rage faps to UsWeekly while sitting on the toilet - SOW

FYI: The paps still take Katherine Heeeeeeeeiiiiigl's picture - Hollywood Rag

This should be AC Milan's new uniform - Moe Jackson 

Bethenny Frankelstein has a bodyguard for some reason - I'm Not Obsessed

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT ALERT! Nicki Minaj is stealing CoCo's moves - Drunken Stepfather

One note to InTouch Weekly's publisher: You in danger, girl - Lainey Gossip

This list of 90s girl groups is incomplete without Atomic Kitten and Jade - The Berry 

Ashton Kutcher took Charlie Sheen's job and now he's trying to take his title as Hollywood's premiere Captain Save-A-Ho - The Superficial 

Maria Menounos is finally getting some - Hollywood Tuna 

Kristen Stewart feels closer to RPattz when she's got his skid marks rubbing against her ass - Celebitchy

FYI: Azealia Banks tries to school us on the real definition of "faggot." She really is the Webster's of female rappers - Towleroad

Chloe Sevigny's collection for Opening Ceremony is really Welcome to the Dollhouse meets Clarissa Explains It All - OMG Blog

Crazy Amanda Bynes is still crazy - ICYDK

Great, so now in a year's time, we'll all find out that Beyonce is the #1 boys in the world - IDLYITW

The 90s do not look good on Miley Cyrus but she still insists on going there again... - Popoholic

and again... - I'm Not Obsessed

David O'Russell just can't get enough of B. Coop and Jennifer Lawrence - Just Jared

Vivienne Jolie-Pitt has only been in one movie and she's already dressing like she runs the town. Typical! - Popsugar

Sara Rue popped out a baby friend - SOW

Of course this meme is happening - Cityrag

Are we sure Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Kevin Connolly weren't just reciting lines from a scene from Entourage? - Videogum

PROGRAMMING NOTE: My ass has to go to the doctor's today and you know how the lines at the free clinic are, so this might be it for me. I might post later, but if not, see you tomorrow (that's if they don't quarantine me).

Kate Upton is Sports Illustrated: Swim Edition's cover girl for the second year in a row. That cover is awkward as shit, but Kate Upton probably froze her ass lips off and suffered from frost bite of the nipples while making it so she deserves it. Oh, and chichiiiiiiiiiiiiiis - ONTD

Jennifer Lawrence is giving us the new money Carmen Sandiego - Lainey Gossip 

Dubya is a regular Bob Ross - Towleroad

What Hermione Granger really meant to say is, "Let a young ho, be a young ho" - Celebitchy

If the ground feels kind of cold today, that's because hell froze over after Kelly Brook wore outside - Hollywood Tuna 

My guess is that the Justice League script was put in the shredder because there wasn't an airborne 69 scene between Superman and Batman - The Superficial 

David Beckham's rumored side piece is in a bikini - Drunken Stepfather

I want to serve scones and tea on #28's extra large nipple plate - The Berry 

John Mayer tells us something we already knew - ICYDK

The Spring Breakers posters look like fliers for a Florida beach rave in the late 80s - Popoholic

Bruce Willis knows that the title of his movie sounds more like the title for a Dr. Kevorkian biopic - IDLYITW

Things that make sense: James Franco is the Mayor of Gay Town - OMG Blog

Things that don't make sense: Brett Ratner is producing a Farmville TV show - Videogum

Gisele Bundchen's daughter, who will probably be a VS Angel class of 2033, makes her Facebook debut - Just Jared

Nicole Richie is dressed like the villainous cosmetics magnate from a 1990s comedy movie starring Christine Applegate - Popsugar

In the last surprising news of the day, Rex Reed called Melissa McCarthy a hippo in a movie review - Gawker

Is Martha Stewart giving Blake NotSoLively styling tips too? - Moe Jackson

Natalie Portman SANS FARDS - Cityrag

You can tell that Al Roker was feeling it something passionate, because I'm pretty sure he sharted at the end - SOW

Lou Ferrigno is no Pastor Bell - The Frisky 

I almost didn't recognize Aubrey O'Day with her nipples covered - I'm Not Obsessed

The not-knowing-bitch who took the ginge out of Anne of Green Gables and made her look like Jessica Simpson's stand-in for the Dukes of Hazzard movie should be arrested, tried and found guilty of committing literary fuckery - Buzzfeed

Anne Hathaway's dress makes it looks like her nipples are heavily breathing in and out - Lainey Gossip 

I hate myself for mistaking Minka Kelly for Mariska Hargitay - Hollywood Tuna 

Eva Mendes is pretty much Ryan Gosling's "muse" now - Celebitchy

John Noble is the new Star Wars villain and I'm okay with this as long as Prince Valium is in the movie too. Wait, I'm thinking of the right space movie, right? - The Superficial 

Elizabeth Banks does the bike ride of shame or she has to caca really bad - Drunken Stepfather

The Crystal Enchantress of the Ice tells Olympic athletes to tone down their gayness when in Russia and I'm sitting here wondering how in the hell does the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice tone down HIS gayness? - Towleroad

Ashley Greene looks like an extra in the Molodvian wedding scene from Dynasty - Popoholic

If Justin Timberlake's album doesn't work out, he can always sell the cover to optometrist offices - ICYDK

#35 is the panty pudding-inducer of all the panty pudding-inducers on this list - The Berry 

People are still paying Kristen Stewart to "act" - Just Jared

Did somebody say "MARIJUANA E-CIGS"?! - Cityrag

Meredith Vieria really loves pigeons (the bird, not the female scrub) - SOW

Bjork writes like a serial killing 1st grader and I'd expect nothing less - OMG Blog

When I turn on the news tonight, I fully expect to see shots of Khloe Kardashian ripping out the bones of Armenians with her teeth to get to their marrow - IDLYITW

Either Jessica Simpson is like 5 weeks pregnant or she's not going to get to the size of three Mama Junes like last time - Popsugar

Colin Farrell looks like he's wearing a bike helmet made of hair - I'm Not Obsessed

But do you get the 300 cats when you rent Grey Gardens? - Jezebel

I'll take THAT'S ENOUGH for 200, Alex - Videogum

More people wanted to see Madge's muscled up crotch than Beyonce's muscled up crotch - Moe Jackson

The Orange County version of Dan is doing it with the Upper East Side version of Summer. I guess Adam Brody and Leighton Meester want to keep it in The CW family - Lainey Gossip 

Natalie Portman drives a huge ass Mercedes hybrid, but shouldn't she be driving a bike made out of recycled wood and flowers? - Hollywood Tuna 

Like Kim Kardashian suffers from stress. It was just her baby trying to claw out of her stomach and run for dear life - Celebitchy

Chris Pratt is playing Star-Lord in the Guardians of the Galaxy movie and I'm not completely fluent in nerd, but I'm pretty sure that's a big deal (?) - The Superficial 

Why aren't David Beckham's panties white? H&M missed a fapportunity - Towleroad

VS. Magazine took a picture of Kate Bosworth at the exact moment she realized she's not sexing on ASkars anymore - Drunken Stepfather 

Charlize Theron is sort of fighting the hot with that fauxhawk, but her hotness is still winning - Popoholic

Russell Brand doesn't know if John Mayer is a bigger slut whore than him - ICYDK

Brandi Glanville continues to be a shameless fame whore by leaking a private picture of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian's first time together - The Berry 

BREAKING NEWS: Pimp Mama Kris is crazy - IDLYITW

Fergie is looking a little preggolicious - I'm Not Obsessed 

I knew you were trouble when you walked into the library - Videogum

Nothing will hug your heart like a video of Babe in a wheelchair - OMG Blog

Why is  Ginnifer Goodwin dressed like school boy from Whoville? - Just Jared

Mann Coulter is flirting with Obama again - Jezebel

Norwood Young's hair is laid like a bouquet of dandelions on my grave - Crunk + Disorderly

KISS! KISS! KISS HIS FEET! KISS ANYTHING! - Popsugar

Bitch lost that bet on purpose - Celebslam

Simon Lebon looks like he's about to tie you to the train tracks and cackle as you meet your demise, but I still would - Cityrag

Richard Simmons got himself a beard - SOW

Stupid ass RiRi's stupid ass relationship with stupid ass Chris Brown is nobody's business, which is why she's talking about it to Rolling Stone. Here's a stupid ass taste of her stupid ass comments: "“He doesn’t have the luxury of fucking up again." - ICYDK

Katie Holmes is going to go to get her law degree and sue Scientology for millions of Thetans for stealing her soul - Lainey Gossip

Tamara Ecclestone bought everybody in the club a bottle of Cristal and I'm guessing that now there's a bunch of bottles of Cristal on eBay.co.uk - Hollywood Tuna 

I already hated Dr. Phil, but now I really hate Dr. Phil for not asking Ronaiah Tuiasosopo to do his lady voice - Towleroad

Laura Ingalls Wilder will soon be Laura Ingalls Wilder Weston - Celebitchy

Alec Baldwin and his wife will soon be parents to an adorable, rude, thoughtless little piglet - The Superficial 

Kanye West is not impressed by Dita Von Teese's pasties, because diamonds have been falling out of his nipple slits for years - Drunken Stepfather

I'll wait here while you Photoshop your picture over that picture of Tony Danza - The Berry 

Teresa Palmer's dress looks like it's made of dead spiders - Popoholic

I wasn't aware that Megan Fox ever started acting to begin with - IDLYITW

Lucy Liu gets cream pied on Jimmy Fallon - Just Jared

Hero of the Day: The Queen of Lincoln Road - OMG Blog

There is a God and he's showing himself by kicking Willow Smith out of the remake of Annie - Jezebel

Miley Cyrus does the Downward LOOKATME on the beach - Popsugar

For about two seconds, I really thought this was Queen Latifah's girlfriend from Set It Off - Crunk + Disorderly

How long before England declares war on us again for exposing them to Twit & Twat - Moe Jackson

That's a funny looking Frapp with extra whip - Celebslam

Why is Miley Cyrus wearing the placemat my abuelita bought in Rosarito Beach as a top? - Cityrag

Now that Neil Patrick Harris is almost done with How I Met Your Mother, he can focus all of his energy on a Doogie Howser reboot - SOW

Wonky McValtrex's piece looks about 12 years old and she probably has herp sores that are older than him - I'm Not Obsessed