We all know that Lindsay Lohan has no shame, no pride, and not one fuck to give (LIES!!! - Lindsay's johns). We were all wondering why her broke ass stowed away on a plane to London as Jay Harvey reported yesterday (no we weren't, but just go with it). So it's no surprise that even after Max George from the Wanted called her a groupie, and even though she said her ass was staying home and baking cookies for New Year's Eve, Crushable says they can guess why: to continue following the band around like a mangy kitchen ass fur wearing puppy dog. LiLo, the Unwanted. No, I'm sure she's in London to entertain the royals at their request. HAHAAHAHA I crack myself up.
So much for impressing the judge in her probation violation case or club slap down case or whichever charge she's facing this time by NOT partying like a rock star. Well, I guess the Wanted aren't real rock stars, so it doesn't count. She's just partying like a blip on the music screen, so it's okay. Plus, she consulted her Magic 8 Ball, asked it if Max really loved her, and it responded "HELL NO" so she took that as a maybe. Then she smoked it.
Damn that selfish Katie Holmes for only thinking of her selfish self by not dragging Tommy Girl to court to squeeze more gold bars out of him for the sake of Suri's future luxurious lifestyle. The courts officially shaved Katie from the bottom of Tommy's face this week when a judge finalized their semi-quickie divorce and now TMZ has all the details of what she actually got. Because Katie insists on being an independent woman, doing it for herself (copyright: Kandi from RHOA), she turned down monthly spousal support and a lump sum. The only thing Katie is getting is her soul back and $33,333.33 a month in child support from Tommy. Yes, ONLY $33k a month! That won't even cover half of Suri's monthly shoe budget. Let's let the self-talking Madame puppet that is Brayden from A-List: Dallas express our thoughts about this tragic news (skip to the 0:10 mark):
Yes, Brayden, I'm as sear-eeee-ess as the heart attack the manager of Suri's own personal Louboutin factory will have after he finds out he has to shut everything down, because she can't afford their services anymore. I'm Surious!
Tommy will spend a total of $4.8 million on child support by giving Katie $33k a month until Suri turns 18. Tommy is also paying for most of Suri's expenses including tuition for her fancy school, health insurance, college and medical and dental bills. Both Tommy and Katie both agreed that Suri will never go to boarding school. TMZ says that if Katie took Tommy to court, she would've gotten a lot more, but she just wanted to get away rom his crazy ass soon as possible.
For Suri's sake, I hope that Katie's team leaked false documents to TMZ to make it look like she didn't get paid millions upon millions of dollars to keep her lips shut about Tommy putting his mouth over every hole at the Scientology glory hole. This has to be a mistake. But sadly, I sort of believe it, because Suri's been taking a lot of cabs (aka mobile poor movers) and here she is taking another cab last week. I hate Katie for this, especially because you know Blue Ivy Carter sent Suri a tweet about these pictures and you know that tweet said: NOT EVEN CARMEL?! LuLz!