The CAPTION THIS Contest

Despite it being microscopic, Pricksohorny Pete saw his own penis shadow and declared 6 more weeks of winter. - Aphid

Runners-up:

Every time Canada denies Randy Quaid's citizenship application, he removes a piece of clothing. - GingeMinge

Even with all this distraction, John Travolta, we all know you are going bald. - FluffKitteh

When Igor knocked on the door and saw Chris Hansen, he tried to make a quick getaway. - atlantapug

via Izismile

Instead of Dorothy, our tornado accidentally sucked her uncle Dwayne into Oz. He already killed the dancing flowers and he's really going to work on the munchkins now. HELP US. - Orangina

Runners-up:

"It puts the lotion on its face - lest is gets the plunger again." - Miss_Ann_Thrope

He really went cuckoo when one of the heads shouted "Ha ha, you missed-ogynist!" - TexnDoc

Not to be outdone by Kramer's success with his coffee table book, Elaine sold Mr. Pittman on the idea of "JimBob 101: how to get a head in life" - Jintess

via Picture is Unrelated

"Hey man, isn't that Steve Tyler?"

"Nah, I think it's Liv Tyler."

"Whatever man, I cried at the end of Armageddon"

"Yeah, me too bro!" - Homeless J

Runners-up:

White Oprah scoffed at reports that her daughter wasn't staying at a reputable hotel - she is - White Oprah just didn't say exactly WHERE in the Beverly Hills Hotel Lindsey was staying. - crankenstein

Tan "Mom" was nearly busted in the men's room at XL, but quickly thought to re-tuck and sit down when "she" heard someone coming. - turnelbup

How do you know when you've hit rock bottom?
When urinal the wrong places. - Dawn Davenport

via Izismile

In retrospect, Tina Simpson should have been clued in by Papa Joe's choice in bodyguards. - ling1

Runners-up:

In an effort to be seen as more manly and tough, the Scientology Youth Club formed an LA street gang. - amykins

A cap isn't the only thing they wanna bust in your ass. - Sweetas

Justin Beiber's new band ... LiL Purp and The Sizzups. - veryoldbat

via Poorly Dressed

These His & Her's - Weight Reduction Body Suits can be yours for only $19.95 plus a %@#^ load of shipping charges.

(note: side effects may include higher blood pressure, headaches & dizziness, change of hair color, increased head size, Zombie like drooling, impotence, spitting blood, loss of consciousness & eye balls popping out. Do not fart while wearing suit or operate any heavy machinery. To be safe, any machinery. - Homeless J

Runners-up:

The Real Housewives of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. - PeggyOlson

This month's Snooki and JWOWW centerfold is Playboy's lowest selling issue to date. - iwouldmarrymichaelk

America was sad to see how badly Pebbles from "The Flinstones" and Sally from "Davy and Goliath" had aged on Cartoon Network's "Celebrity Rehab". - turnelbup

via Poorly Dressed

Unlike peons who buy those vulgar cars with factory-made leather seats, Goop's BMW comes with a DIY 'Kill n upholster' kit. - Emeriesan

Runners-up:

The cops could smell the bull from Lindsay's "I wasn't driving the car" excuse from a mile away. - Half Empty

"What? I got ass, grass AND gas." - Sweetas

The new BMW's now run on cows milk instead of gasoline. Unfortunately it's still over 5 bucks a gallon. - LargeMarge

via Break

Jane's hidden Nanny-cam shows what Tarzan and Cheetah were really up to when she was away from the hut. - Whaaaaat

Runners-up:

Ed misunderstood the word, "banana hammock" - DiamondDogs

There once was a man from Montana

Who worked a donkey show in Havana

He said with a shrug

As he removed his butt plug

Who wants a big brown banana? - citizenstrange

via Evil Milk

With his tail between his legs, Tim Tebow returned to his old haunting grounds to see if the Broncos needed a new tight end. - Lale

Runners-up:

Pin The Tail On The Honky - BaconSlut

Honey, we're gonna have to figure out a way to prove he's a service animal so we don't get stopped at the entrance every time. - City Barbie

After sharing her strange addiction to the world on tv, Lisa felt comfortable going for a rim job in the middle of the street. - Bubbly

Just in case a raccoon tail thong is NSFW, I've been the full picture behind the cut. GO!

And then the dimmest VS Angel realized she was actually going out with Leonardo Di Carpio. - Aunt B

Runners-up:

Always the last one to pick up on social jargon, Heather told her friends with a straight face that yes, she had been catfished, and it was more erotic than she ever expected. - MeowMeow

Khloe and Kourtney resort to racy sister pics to find a way to stay in the limelight now that Kim is pregnant. - LaChaylo

2023; Ten years after the allegations first surfaced, Micheal Phelps, happily married and living in seclusion, still denies using steroids in the Olympics. - bambam

via Break

Thanks to the instant success of "Gossip Girl: Acapulco" viewers will enjoy another new hit show called "Doctor Who: Escalando" which is starting next month. - robirob

Runners-up:

"Damn those One Direction fuckers!" Usher thinks as he and Bieber realise the record label has drastically cut their allowance for the Indian leg of his world tour. - Emeriesan

Unknowingly, Amish Abraham failed to see the fine print clause that his "mobile phone" came with a serial booth killer. - LA

via Reddit