The CAPTION THIS Contest

Confirmation of DNA results disproved the hospital staff's theory that they were being Punk'd by Kristin... Dax Shepherd is, indeed, NOT the father. - jack-n-the-hat

Runners-up:

The new co host for The View was introduced and Sherri Shepherd was relieved that she would no longer be referred to as the slow one. - daisy100

It was only a matter of time before one of Simon Cowell's succulent fur titties broke free to host its own show. - Spkheller

We're gonna have to shave your face Miss Kardashian before we do your vampire facelift you hairy bitch. - El Bastardo

via Buzzfeed

I want a nickel for every time Anne Hathaway has looked up from that picture and told the room "You know guys, that's not a REAL Oscar like mine!" - TexnDoc

Runners-up:

On closer inspecting James was shocked to see the movie camera symbol for his film contributions and not a thinking cap for his work as a public intellectual. - saltydog

....sleeping near the only thing permanent about his career. - Bwhit19964

I've always heard of starfuckers, but this is ridiculous. - perky

Source: Instagram via HuffPo

Lesbeaver had to resort to desperate tactics to avoid the growing stench emanating from legions of 'touched' fans who had vowed, 'never to wash' again. - defaulterbunny

Runners-up:

Justin's douchiness has reached toxic levels, even he has to protect his self. - PeggyOlson

Biebs suits up for his nightly mandatory "business meeting" with Usher. - perky

Ashleee Simpson is forced to extremes in the wake of her sister's pregnancy farts. - TheBitchyWaiter

via Splash

Everbody laughed at Matthew McConaughey's date until they realized she was inflated with pot smoke. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

...and 9 months later, a little soccer ball was born. - Rosemary Young

He loved Air Supply. So did she.
He loved CSI. She loved PSI.
He wanted 4 kids, she wanted 4 ply.
He attended AA. She attended Triple A.
He liked the gum. She liked the patch.
But alas, their marriage ended after 25 Goodyears. - Homeless J

Prom Officials are on the lookout for students trying to smuggle inhalants into the building. - I am Legend

via Izismile

Pioneers journeying on the Whoregon Trail had to cross rising rivers, replace broken axels on their covered wagons, and avoid contracting dysentery...and STDs. - herroyalflyness

Runners-up:

"Eddie, are you sure you didn't have sex with her? I feel her essence all over the place..."- Brandi Glanville - thegirlwithkaleidoscopeeyes

Horse: "Meanwhile, that lucky bitch, Socks is moonwalking in a field somewhere! FML!" - snowpiece

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him go down on you. - SteelCityGirl

via Break

They do NOT fool around playing musical chairs in Russian prison. - ImpertinentVixen

Runners-up:

There were many valiant contenders, but at the end of the day Lilo still held the title of Fire Crotch. - dbella

Johnny Weir has pushed the limits with his latest ensemble, which he will wear while skating to Pat Benetar's "Fire and Ice." - herroyalflyness

The other night at Rawhide I picked up this guy, a total flamer, who was so loose all I did was touch his ass and he dropped two stools. - Strepsi

via Izismile

Katie Holmes says she is shocked, simply shocked that a sex tape of her and Tom Cruise has been released to the public. = dementa

Runners-up:

Whatever happened to Natasha Lyonne you ask? Well she's being used in the secret military intelligence committee to test enhanced interrogation techniques. - daisy100

Yes...like most people they would rather have a cattle prod stuck up their butt by some dick head then have to sit through watching Liz and Dick a second time. - Mani6

via Break.com

White Oprah and Lindsay's version of "ass to ass" performed for Arab billionaires. - Doll-Parts

Runners-up:

The girls worried about a possible misprint on the package, but it turned out that the I-Chin wealth coins worked like magic once they got into the yin-yang position. - ABCDEFGHIJulie

Submitted by on Thu, 02/28/2013 - 5:19pm.
Mel Gibson's been working on his coat of arms. If he could only get a flattering photo of his peen, he'd be able to finish it. - turnelbup

via Izismile

Shortly thereafter, the company had to file bankruptcy after discovering the cubicle spent $100 million on a large hentai collection, two shrunken heads, and a jar of The Elephant Man's vomit. - GingeMinge

Runners-up:

In an attempt to get out of paying his back taxes, Nic Cage photocopied himself and hoped the IRS wouldn't know which one was real. - Reesey C

Face/Office - SANS FARDS

Nice prank, guys. But I think you misunderstood me when I said my biggest fear is being caged in... - oldauntfannie

via Eat Liver

What happens after RPattz licks KStew's armpit - Spkheller

Runners-up:

Hey, when there is a Lohan nearby, you have to go to great lengths to hide your bling! - fleawatch

Your exclusive first look at Ke$ha for My Little Pony. - TheWhit

Gem and the Hairygrams - SlutBuster

via Poorly Dressed