The CAPTION THIS Contest

Paris Hilton decided that she did in fact want to kidnap the Kardashians, but Kim was the only one that would fit. - alyberry

Runners-up:

Not what he meant when he said he wanted a big, burly bear stuffed in his hatchback. - Mabel Hodges

...you could almost faintly hear Ranger Smith cackle with delight: "Oh how the tables have turned" as the car sped off, deep inside Jellystone Park... - Miss_Ann_Thrope

via Izismile

No different than my office, a bunch of dildos on a laptop..... - fleawatch

Runners-up:

Rihanna finally wised up and cloned the only attractive thing about Chris Brown. - Ecce Homo

Since Drake won't murder her pussy a depressed Amanda Bynes decided to murder her ass and thighs instead. - TFBuckFutter

A Scientology Easter basket—melts in your mouth, creams in your hand. - tbeez

(Thanks, Ben)

"No, no no, onscreen, we're enemies, offscreen, our relationship is....special, and that's all I will say about that" Alien, in a statement to the press after the leaked photographs. - TheWhit

Runners-up:

"I don't care. That's not my job. My job is to show up and be cute by 11 o'clock and get the fuck off that show by 12." Whoopi Goldberg continues to not give a fuck. - johnnysgirl

To Catch a Predator, May sweeps edition. Chris Hansen might wanna rethink this one. - But.Seriously.Folks

The centerfold of L. Ron Hubbard's hidden porn stash. - ISprainedMyUvula

via Break.com

Boob job $4500, fancy undergarments $500, horse head mask $250, profit as a LeAnn Rimes look alike at a strip club? $12. - misstia

Runners-up:

In an US Weekly exclusive, Tori Spelling reveals how she spices things up for her husband in the bedroom. - Zombabe

Miley's desperation to keep Liam has reached an all-time high; her latest plea to him is to "hop back on that pony, cowboy, and give our love another chance." - oopssorry

via Evil Milk

"When he bathes, it's always by himself. When he drinks, no one wants to be around. Meet....The least interesting man in the world." - Whaaaaat

Runners-up:

Chris Martin's idea of a vacation from Goopy involves a trip to a poor's house for lavatory water sports and lite beer. This could be PARA, PARADISE!! - skabazzle

"Every time he drinks, he tries to pleasure himself...orally. His father and I had no choice"-Loser's mom (name withheld) - Boys for Pele

Is this the only way to get Rob Kardashian to stop eating? - parissucksliterally

via Izismile

Tonight on VH1: Behind the Cartoon, we catch up with the addictions, illnesses, and economic hardships faced by longtime couple Holly Hobby and Strawberry Shortcake. - Strepsi

Runners-up:

Here Comes Homely Boo Boo - Fruitibras

Sophia Grace and Rosie's fame peaked early. It was all downhill from the Ellen show. - bkmn

A rough economy has forced the Walmart price fairies to reconsider the definition of "low price." Additionally, it has forced Walmart to reconsider the definition of "price fairy." - Cinesnatch

via POW

How redundant. Most shoe designs already say fuck you to a woman's foot. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

How Quentin Tarantino's girlfriend broke up with him. - agirl

Looks like a pump, flips like a tweaker.... - herroyalflyness

Some people have "fuck me" pumps...me, I like my "Fuck You" pumps. - johnnysgirl

via Break

The Ugly Fuckling proved at least some of his bullies wrong by growing up to be a crooked penis. - skabazzle

Runners-up:

The last 'ride' to be removed from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. - RHONYC

Ryan isn't the only Gosling I'd mount. - The Real Mean Girl

Somewhere in Fuck Me Creek, California their own version of the cockmess monster surfaces. "Cocky" has recently appeared again ever since Jenifer Aniston has gotten a steady boyfriend. - Mani6

via Break

Ridley Scott unveils a still from the Prometheus sequel : these two are Michael Fassbender's dick doubles. - Aphid

Runners-up:

Every day the little people living in her bathroom sink give Amanda Bynes good advice like her hair is not big enough and her lips too thin. - TexnDoc

Lil Wayne's teeth celebrate another Everclear night. - GingeMinge

Test Dummies for Trojan's new waterproof condom prove it's super resilient for even the most talented bottoms. - RHONYC

via PIU

"All those in favour of suing Cialis, please rise." - Homeless J

Runners-up:

Hugh Jackman wasn't the first victim. - ISprainedMyUvula

Meet the sheeple. They tend to follow each other aimlessly about without knowing why. - atlantapug

In an effort to lose more weight, contents from Snooki's belly button were cleaned out and free to go. - H321

(Thanks Carolann)