The CAPTION THIS Contest

Baby Brahim got some armor made for his wang so that Madonna can no longer attempt to suck his youth out through his penis. - Orangina

Runners-up:

It was a sad day when Madge came to the realization that the only way that she could now taste success was to lick it off of Gaga's microphone. - Who Datt

Well I guess that article that said the 65 and over crowd still enjoy sex was right. - campy

Mrs. Petraeus is going to prove once and for all that she too, can be a slutty media-seeking whore for her husband. - atlantapug

via Splash

In a show of solidarity, Wonder Woman runs in Lance Armstrong's new race, "Tour de Ol' Farts." Unfortunately, she was disqualified when she didn't let Lance win. - Half.Mexican.Wonder

Runners-up:

Wonder Woman realizes that she will never outrun her most fearsome foe, Captain Menopause. - longduckdong

Marvel's newest superhero: I Wonder if it's a Woman - Anita Bidet

Dr. Oz really goes the extra mile to prove he is in touch with women. - Norealis

Source: Tosh.0 via The Chive

The final scene of K-Fed's reboot of Titanic. - Ikcor

Runners-up:

You no longer need to leave the table to pee. - TrashyWilma

The medical staff tried to make the best of their lunch break right after they finally managed to deliver Jessica Simpson's baby. - YourClothesAreDead

Sick of being relentlessly pursued by government assassins, Randy Quaid grabs some trash from the nearest dumpster, swims out to sea, and declares himself a sovereign nation. - GingeMinge

via Evil Milk

Jimmy Fallon immediately regretted his decision to announce Robert Pattinson's starring role in Fifty Shades of Grey to a live studio audience of Twihards. - TFBuckFutter

Runners-up:

Jimmy Fallon hosts a long-awaited shower intervention for RPatz.- prommom

"And that Rob, is how Kim Kardashian became famous, any more questions?" - El Bastardo

via UsWeekly

With Obama raising his taxes, Trump's hairpiece had to get a job. - Ikcor

Runners-up:

Dean should know better than to go near Tori when she's in heat. - prommom

It's amazing when you smoke too much peyote how your cute chihuahua turns into Britney Spears' weave living in Death Valley right before your eyes. - Kandykane

via Jezebel

When Ronnie and Jwoww volunteered to help clean up the Jersey Shore everyone assumed they would at least be productive. - FsWifey

Runners-up:

Not exactly what I thought you meant when you said you could hold me up in the air on just your massive log... - oryx

Lance was thrilled to learn that the Mixed Synchronized Tree Squatting Federation doesn't require drug testing. - Tyroan

Redneck 24 Hour Fitness:
Free weights = logs
Stairmaster = scaling rocks at the quarry
Treadmill = running from wild boars - herroyalflyness

via Evil Milk

'Tragic Mike' is an award-winning documentary about the evils of Hollywood and how quickly your luck can change, starring Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey.- steviegene

Runners-up:

The opening act for Carrie Underwears, Jimmy Commando. - herroyalflyness

In case you ever wondered who plays the organ during CO$ services. - OurMissC

via Break.com

Not to be outdone by PETA's Vegipeen's advert, the Pork Industry promotes a freaky "Other White Meats Meet" threesome campaign. - ABCDEFGHIJulie

Runners-up:

Finally, confirmation the Brooke Hogan does, in fact, appear in her father's sex tape. - MMMPhill

When Kirstie Alley's agent signed her up to appear on Comedy Central's "Roast of Kirstie Alley" he really thought the event would go a lot differently. - longduckdong

It's like they say: one up the cork, two in the pork. - 5ft_terror

via Izismile

They'll be there for you when you have a yeast infection and an intruder at the same time! They are....The Candida Crime Fighters! - Half.Mexican.Wonder

Runners-up:

High Colonics aren't really something one should do on a tight budget. - Vern

Chocha Libre - dfanintheD

"Two Girls, One Funnel" -- the real tape Hulk Hogan doesn't want you to see. - Sr_crass

via Evil Milk

With TLC's ongoing success of "Say Yes to the Dress," Animal Planet produces "Say Neigh to the Hay." - herroyalflyness

Runners-up:

After her SATC residuals dried up, Sarah Jessica Parker decided to cash in on her wedding photos to the highest bidder. - Hairy Back Mary

Like any marriage, this one starts out as fantasy. - CokeyBloke

What happens in Robert Pattinson's hair stays in Robert Pattinson's hair. - GingeMinge

via Izismile