Theater

Mario Lopez in "A Chorus Line" on Broadway is the gay gift that keeps on gaying and the shit hasn't opened yet! It opens on Tax Day aka April 15th. Ugh, tax day. GROSS! The IRS should just come get me now.

Anyway, a bunch of photographers were invited to one of his rehearsals today to witness the graceful power of AC Slater!

He should break out this dance during curtain call:

Katie Holmes is reportedly in negotiations to take to the Broadway stage in a revival of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons." "In negotiations" only means that Katie has to ask her alien master.

The Daily Mail reports that she's already agreed to take part in a workshop this May. In the workshop, she will play the part of a woman who visits her former neighbors, the family of a missing pilot she once loved.

Katie told producers that she's "serious about working in the theater." Those dumb dumbs! That was code for "please save me from my husband."

Anybody can be on Broadway nowadays! ANYBODY! If Suri Cruise wanted that part in "All My Sons," she could have it. She would probably be a hell of a lot more interesting.

Please don't do this Katie. Manhattan is not ready for the full-time invasion of TomKat.

UsWeekly reports that Nicole Richie is considering moving her entire family to NYC to perform on the Great White Way. Nicole is in talks to play the role of Roxie Hart in "Chicago." This isn't Nicole's first try at Broadway. She auditioned for a role in "Rent" a few years ago, but got turned down.

A source said, "It would give her a reason to really show her talent and to stay in the new place in NY Joel just got. It also shows people are really excited about Nicole right now." Who are these people that are excited about Nicole right now? Show them to me, because I'd like to kick them in the knees.

Nicole Richie would join a long list of no-talent skeezas who have already performed in the show. Asshole Simpson, Kelly Osbourne, Lisa Rinna, Melanie Griffith, Robin Givens and Rita Wilson have all performed in it at one time or another. I hear Melanie was particularly painful.

Let's see...give the role to someone who has actually worked their whole life for this or give it to someone who is famous for being the best friend of the world's most famous hooker? That's a tough one. The sad part is, I'd probably pay to see her. Well, I like seeing people fail. It's the best temporary cure for low self-esteem!

The seventh-longest-running show on Broadway will close June 1st. Rent is done according to a statement issued yesterday. The musical will have played 5,012 regular performances at closing time. Rent is based on Puccini's La Boheme about a bunch of starving mess artists.

Over the years the show has seen its share of celebrity guests including Scary Spice, Joey Fatone, Frenchie Davis, Drew Lachey, Neil Patrick Harris, Jai Rodriguez and Caprice.

It was also made into a truly hideous movie. It's time actually. That shit is dated as hell. I'm gay, so I've seen it a few times. Every time I see it I think to myself "why am I doing this? These people are screaming in my ear drums and it ain't pretty."

I leave you with Scary Spice in Rent which was...well....pretty scary.

Source: Playbill

This is just a bad....bad....idea. David Fincher had a little chat with MTV where he mentioned doing a Fight Club musical. It doesn't look like he was joking. He wants to debut it on Broadway in 2009. That's the 10th Anniversary of the movie. Chuck Palahniuk, the author of Fight Club, is reportedly on board. Trent Reznor is considering writing the music.

Listen, I'm all about shirtless dudes singing and dancing, but this has "major embarrassment" written all over it. Think of the insurance costs alone. These Broadway actors will not like being hit over and over again and even with "fake stage fighting" it's bound to happen. They are too precious and pretty for that. They are queens! Hearing Tyler Durden screech a high pitch "owwww" after accidentally being hit is not my idea of a good time.

Bail on this Fincher. Bail on it now! Spiderman the Musical with music by Bono is bad enough.