JLo

 

JLo is reportedly having twins, a boy and a girl, and she's already spoiling their asses. Are we surprised? This is the woman who wore mink eyelashes. Rush & Molloy reports that JLo has registered for gifts at Petit Tresor in Los Angeles and is asking for all sorts of overpriced crap. Here's what the bitch wants:

 

2 cashmere outfits, one blue and one pink - $349 each

2 moses baskets - $225 each

1 jogging stroller for two - $560

2 Peg Perego strollers for 2  -  $429 each

 

JLo has also hired Petit Tresor to decorate three nurseries in her 3 homes in Bel Air, Fisher Island and Oyster Bay. Each nursery will reportedly cost her $40,000.  

 

I'm surprised she's not getting them fur coats and Versace gowns. What is the point of a $349 cashmere outfit for a newborn? It's only going to vomit and shit all over it. That baby could give a fuck if it's wearing cashmere.

 

Jogging stroller? I feel sorry for the nanny. You know JLo's fat ass is going to be the one jogging around with the twins. The nanny is. I hope she has a strong heart.

 

 

 

Last night JLo finally admitted what everyone has known for a long ass time. She doesn't have talent! No! She confessed she's knocked up. Yawn.

 

JLo and Skeletor made the announcement at the final performance of their tour in Miami.

 

She told the audience, "Marc and I are expecting a baby!" Everyone sort of yawned and some people fell asleep. No, people cheered and blah..blah. JLo said she didn't want to take anything away from their tour and that's why she didn't announce it sooner.

 

She went on to say, "Now we will go away for awhile." 

 

She didn't say when the baby was due or how many babies she's having. The rumor is that she's having twins. A boy and a girl.

 

Congrats JLo! May your ass and chi-chis get to be the size of your ego!  

 

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JLo's record label, Epic, is reportedly looking to dump her ass! JLo's latest album "Brave" failed to spark. It only sold around 53,000 copies in its first week. That's not the reason why they want to dump her. She's too expensive!

 

The Scoop reports her video alone cost $300,000. Her album cover cost $60,000. When JLo performed on "Good Morning America" and "Dancing with the Stars" she made the label eat the cost. A source said the label makes only $4 per CD. They aren't even going to break even.

 

JLo's make-up bitch alone costs $8,000 a day.

 

The source said, “Sony and Epic might keep her, but she’ll be doing little more than greatest hits albums. That you can do without incurring a huge cost. The label is tired of throwing money away.”

 

What happened to Jenny from the block? She owns the block now. Homegirl needs her Latina mother. That woman will tell her what's what and slap some sent into her. You don't know $8,000 a day on make-up. All you need is some black liner and blush. You can use blush as eyeshadow and mix it with some vaseline to make lipstick. Put that bitch on a budget.

 

 

JLo won't confirm that she's knocked up, but Skeletor's ex-wife will. Dayanara Torres confirmed to the Spanish-language press that homegirl was carrying.

 

When asked how her children took the news that they were going to have a half sibling she said, “They don’t know yet, as I barely found out yesterday. But I suppose they’re going to be very happy, because when my sister had her kid they were.”

Dayanara said she found out through JLo's assistant and her agent. JLo's agent, Jennifer Neiman, immediately went on damage control and told E! News,

 

“What happened was that the day before I had shown Dayanara the pictures which have been spreading through the Internet of Jennifer, and I warned her that, as had been published, she might be pregnant. I did it in case the children asked her. The eldest is six years old, and he hears the comments at school and on the press. But the truth is we know nothing.”

 

Uh huh! Daya is getting revenge!

 

Is it just me or does Skeletor look hotter, happier and healthier with Dayanara?  I mean he still looked like Ren from Ren and Stimpy, but a newly washed and fed Ren!

 

 

 

 

 

JLo was on Good Morning America today and MTV's TRL yesterday where both hosts awkwardly tried to get her to admit that she's knocked up. JLo is reportedly pregnant with twins, but has yet to confirm. I guess JLo's pr-whores got to the hosts before, because nobody would come out and ask "Bitch, are you pregnant or just fat?"

 

On GMA this morning, Robin Roberts said to JLO, "We're going to talk about family and what's going on." Diane Sawyer stopped her though and said, “She's very private, she loves her privacy...So there's very little we can do!"

Meaning...JLo's skanks are on us!

 

Not admitting your knocked up is the new trend. It keeps your name on the internet and keeps people talking about it. She has an album to promote! She'll probably announce it when we're all over it.

 

I mean how many ugly ass mumus can you possibly wear?! And that make-up is no joke. Her eyeshadow is wearing eyeshadow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some source told The Sun that JLo will officially announce she's knocked up at her Madison Square Garden show tomorow night or Sunday night. On Wednesday night a wind machine revealed her pretty evident baby bump. Then she pulled her shirt down and told the audience that this year is "full of firsts." Maybe she meant this year is full of "fists" because you know Skeletor likes one up his bum. Ok, bad joke.

 

This baby will be 38-year-old JLo's first! It's rumored she's around 4-months knocked up with twins! 

 

I can't wait to hear what names these two messes will come up with. I really hope she names of them Conception. I've been waiting and waiting for a hot Latin celebritity to name their daughter that. That's like my favorite name of all-time.

 

 

 

 

JLo and Skeletor opened their "El Concierto Del Messo" tour in Atlantic City, NJ last night. I can't even hear them and my ears are already bleeding. Concert organizers should find a way to put JLo on mute. I mean listening to her sing live should be strictly optional. Hopefully they had some mercy and made her ass lip-synch.  Well, not her ass, but her mouth. Her ass probably sings better than her. You know that thing can blow!

 

Oh and Cher called. She really wants her wardrobe back. She's going to auction it off next week.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

JLo told UsWeekly that the rumors that she's knocked up with twins are not true. It was reported that JLo used In vitro fertilization, because she wanted a baby so bad. She said, "No, no! We get this every week!”

“I don’t mind when people talk about this. I get the interest. I’m not the only [celeb] who gets these rumors. Everyone calls about this every month . . . but, no.”

 

Damn and here I was preparing myself for that jumbo ass getting even bigger. I had my bib and sunglasses all ready. There goes JLo. Ruining my big booty dreams once again.

 

Below is JLo and Skeletor at PS 32 in the Bronx yesterday where they talked to schoolchildren and stuff.  

 

 

Images: Splash

 

 

 

 

Damn! JLo is looking very unfresh. Methinks that Skeletor's midnight hunting of virgin blood is keeping homegirl up. She totally has abortion face and that's not a good look. Get thee to bed, JLo! Also, get yourself some papier poudre! You're looking sweaty.

 

I like the dress even though Florence Henderson wore it 40 years ago.

 

Skeletor is looking...dare....I.....say.........hot?  

 

DEAD! 

 

Here's J and S at the HFPA Luncheon in Beverly Hills yesterday. 

 

 

 

 

 

JLo and Skeletor are still promoting that "El Cantante" mess and yesterday was the Los Angeles premiere. JLo traded in her "mink" lashes for "spider leg" lashes.

 

Skeletor also said that JLo was the boss in the family. "She's always been the boss! I don't know what's changed. That's the first thing a man has to know. Absolutely, no question about it."

 

I knew she had the dick in that duo. Skeletor is probably too exhaused to be in the boss and make decisions. He seriously needs a 10-year nap. He is turning into a chihuahua more and more each day. He better watch his ass, because Britney and Paris Hilton might start a bidding war for him.

 

 

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