Drunks

Somebody had too many kamikaze shots. A pap claims Kelly Osbourne was escorted out of a club in London, because she couldn't stand up! That's why bars have bathrooms! You lock yourself in a stall and take a little nap. If a bathroom stall isn't available, nap under a table. The kicks from the people above will rock you to sleep.

Kelly managed to get home, but the paps say she almost exposed her coochie while falling out of her cab. She walked across the street to her house and walked into a wall. Been there, done that. At least she got into her house. There's been times where I got drunk and lost my house keys in the bar! It's hard trying to sleep off the booze in a hallway or in bushes.

Lindsay Lohan is not happy about this ad which ran in USA Today from the American Beverage Institute. The ad warns us against evil doers that want Ignition interlocks (a breathalyzer) installed in every car in America.

They should have used Richie Sambora's mug shot. It's a little more timely. Anyway, TMZ reports that Linds' lawyers are already on it and trying to figure if the ad violates copyright laws.

Linds' main lawyer, Blair Blerk, issued this statement:

"USA TODAY is idiotic for running such an irresponsible advertisement, suggesting that drinking and driving is some kind of American "tradition" we should protect. Not identifying that this ad was paid for by the liquor industry is profoundly reckless.

Drunk, old, white businessmen, drunk cougars out for girls night out, and drunk wedding parties should be kept off the roads of America. Lindsay Lohan fully endorses ignition interlock devices that have been well-proven to save lives."

How dare Blair! I see drunk, old, white gays, drunk call girls looking for their next john and two drunk lovers.

Lindsay should sue. The booze industry has a lot of cash and she needs some......for more boozing!!

Also, Gawker points out that they spelled her name wrong in the ad. Those drunk sluts!

Source VIA Gawker

Dennis Rodman was arrested last night on suspicion of domestic abuse. Surprised? Me neither.

Rodman's manager told TMZ that Dennis and his girlfriend had too much to drink last night. When they got back to their hotel in Century City, they started arguing and Dennis grabbed her by the arm, leaving a bruise. The hotel's security got involved and called the po po.

Officers learned that Rodman hit the woman, so they took him into custody. He posted $50,000 bail and was released 5 hours later. His court date has been set for May 22nd.

Rodman's manager said Dennis will check into rehab once he gets back into Florida. He said Dennis' drinking, "has been escalating in the last six weeks due to a nasty divorce and not seeing his children in over two months."

I forgot his crazy ass has kids! He has a son named D.J. and a daughter named Trinity.

Dennis is really getting too old for this kind of nonsense. Why do people have to fuck up their buzz by getting into fights? That's disrespecting the booze! Have a good time, let the booze do its work and keep it chill. Respect the booze!

Bat Boy had to help a drunk Xtina get to their car after a night of partying in Los Angeles. This bitch is always drunk and she's a mother! Set an example. Actually, I would be drunk every night if I was a mother. Babies are stressful and booze is the only proper way of handling stress. Ask your doctor. He will tell you this is true.

And when is Xtina going to permanently tattoo red lipstick on her mouth already? She would save a shit load in kleenex, vaseline and lipstick fees.

Poor bat baby! He probably wakes up in the morning covered in red lipstick, because his drunk ass mother tried to kiss him goodnight after getting home.

Jade is seriously one of my favorite movies ever. It's such a piece of trash. When I was a teenager, I opened a Columbia House account just to get Jade. Remember Columbia House?! That shit was like a dream come true for teenagers. I opened at least a dozen Columbia House accounts under different names. You would get like 10 VHS movies or CDs for like $15 or some shit. The catch was that you had to buy a certain amount of movies or CDs within the year for like $40 each. I would pay the $15 for the 10 movies, but I would never buy anything else. That's why I would open up a new account. Columbia House definitely has a hit on me.

Anyway, one of Jade's stars, Angie Everhart, was busted for DUI on Thursday. It's the next natural step in her career. TMZ reports that Angie was released later that morning on $15,000 bail. She's due on court May 15th.

Calling Dr. Drew! Looks like we found your next cast member for "Celebrity Rehab 2."

Richie Sambora was charged with DUI today, but was not charged with a misdemeanor child endangerment count. Richie was arrested last month in Laguna Beach for driving drunk. His 10-year-old daughter with Heather Locklear was in the car.

TMZ reports that Richie plea bargained his way out today. The driving under the influence charge was dropped and he pled no contest to driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher.

Richie will pay around $1,600 for fines and penalties. He'll be put on 3 years probation and must complete a booze ed course. He also can't drink or do drugs while on probation. Well, he can't get caught at least. Switch the piss!

TMZ also claims the prosecutor on the case is some softy who didn't file child endangerment charges, because he wanted a little PR.

I think I would rather do hard time for a few weeks than have to not drink for 3 whole damn years. How is that even possible! I mean, what do you drink with dinner? Water? Sick!

Well, Richie got off easy. He's the one that still has to look himself in the mirror every day. Seriously, that's a major punishment, because his face is fug.

Sandra Bullock and her hubby, Jesse James, were hit head-on by a drunk driver in Gloucester, Mass. last night. The drunk driver was the woman above, Lucille Gatchell. Luuuuuucccccy!

Nobody was injured, but 64-year-old Lucille was arrested. She blew a .20 on the breathalyzer - two and a half times the legal limit.

Sandy and Jesse were in a rented SUV. They were not driving. The Gloucester Police Lt. said, "They were fine – he was hugging her. Jess and Sandra were hugging. They said they were fine, they didn’t need medical attention. There were quite a few people snapping pictures of them."

Lucille's face in her mug shot says it all. Her eyes are telling me, "I can't believe I hit the star of Love Potion No. 9."

Seriously, that movie fucking rules.

Source

The night ended with Gaycrest crying into Simon's luscious moobs about how he can't find someone to love him for him.

Gaycrest is 2 cosmos away from placing his hand on Simon's thigh. He has to keep picturing Paula Abdul naked to kill his urges.

Here's these two at Tryst in Las Vegas last night.

First Mischa Barton gets off from doing any jail time for her DUI and now Barron Hilton isn't doing any time. Gross.

Barron pleaded no contest for DUI in court today. The 19-year-old was put on 3 years probation and he had his license taken away for one year. He must also attend a 3-month booze education class and pay a visit to the L.A. County Morgue. Why not just let him spend an hour with Paris' vagina. I'm sure it looks like dead, mutilated meat.

Barron was arrested in February for driving drunk and showing the cops a fake drivers license.

It's punishment enough being named Barron. Barren. Baron. Barron. The only time I enjoy seeing the word "Baron" is when it's after the word "Red." Snoopy VS The Red Baron rules.

Source: TMZ

Mischa Barton will escape doing time in the lady clink by accepting a plea in her DUI case. People reports that she will plead no contest at her DUI arraignment this Thursday. In exchange, the weed possession charge has been dropped and the driving without a license charge has been reduced to an infraction.

Mischa will pay a fine of $1,700, complete a three-month alcohol-education class and serve 3 years of unsupervised probation.

Weed possession, drunk driving and driving without a license? If this happened to you or me, we would be cooking our breakfast on a jail radiator right now while massaging our raw assholes with cocoa butter.

A alcohol-education class sounds fun. Do they teach you how to make delicious cocktails like Singapore Slings and Rum Swizzles? I need some alcohol education. I'll even stay up for the class and take detailed notes during the "the fastest way to get wasted" lecture.