Would You Hit It?

I'm talking about Russell Brand and not the pepaw behind him. Although, that might make for a hot tag-team. I don't know what's wrong with me, but lately I've been all into Russell Brand. His hairspray fumes must be making their way through my screen and seducing me.

Any dude that has the balls to go out in public dressed like Lindsay Lohan with hair like Heather from "Rock of Love" must be fearless in the sack.

Here's Russell greeting his pubic outside BBC studios.

Yeah, why not? I'd get with that. I mean, he's Nicolas Cage's son. It wouldn't hurt. Well, he looks like he would be into biting off my cheek Cape Fear-style, but it's worth the risk.

This is Weston Cage with his death metal band, "Eyes of Noctum" and his mama je'e, Christine Fulton.

It's Al Pacino, so I would hit it. I don't care if the dick was like a Jello mold. It's Al Pacino! Al could only hit it from the back though, because I would easily mistake that hair for chocolate cotton candy. I doubt Al wants me to take a bite out of his precious locks.

Below is Al with some hot boxer named Joe Calzaghe and Alicia Witt at the premiere of 88 Minutes in Las Vegas last night.

Where's the beef and I'm not talking about his body. Ashton Kutcher is shooting some movie in Los Angeles and they should have stuffed his shit. I'd pass on Ashton. He strikes me as a chatty and insecure lay. I'd rather bump buttholes with Demi.

Say yes. You know you would get with this shit. You would let him go balls deep. Fuck, you would let him stick his balls in too if he could. That's how much you want him.

Here's Mickey Rourke outside his trailer while shooting some movie in New Jersey. I think his skin is falling off, because it can't deal with his fugness anymore. And what the hell is going on with that hair? Did he go through a Tyra Banks "America's Next Top Model" makeover? I think he did.

I would definitely let Uncle Jessie crack the nuts, but only if I get to dress up like Kimmy Gibbler. Seriously, she wore the hottest outfits. I would also have to keep my eyes up, because his stomach looks like it's eating itself.

Here's John Stamos kayaking in Hawaii.

Every now and again a lovely lady lad will come along and give me the sex quivers. KD Lang (don't ask) and Dani from A Shot At Love are two of those women as is Tilda Swinton. I can't explain the Tilda thing. It's probably the flaming red hair, the long fingers and the Mr. Burns physique. I would definitely dress up like a magical lion princess for her, because crazy bitch is probably into that role playing shit.

Hell yes I'd hit it! I only say this, because I have a Dorothy Zbornak fantasy and Dorothy would definitely rock the shit out of this ensemble. She would even wear those nurse shoes with the little hearts on them that you can change the color. I know she's not a nurse, but I would always see her in that shit. Comfort first. You know Dorothy was a total dom in bed. She was probably into whipping and sick shit like enema play. I don't play that, but I'd let Dorothy slap the shit out of me.

I'm pretty sure Will Ferrell wasn't going for the Dorothy Zbornak look. I think he's channeling Shaq. Here he is at the Semi-Pro premiere yesterday.