Truly Awful Music

Douche Bag Spencer is at it again with his annoying, babbling crap about how wonderful and disgusting Heidi's singing is.

People reports the "back on" again couple spent the weekend around Atlantic City at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa running his mouth again about Heidi's sucky ass music career.

The moron says, "When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds. Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming – they're gonna sell 10-million plus."

Wow, he'll say anything to get a piece of ass from that hag, won't he?

He goes on to say, "We're financing [the album] ourselves on a shoestring budget. It's so organic. And this is just the warm-up. We're just heating up the water in the bathtub. It's gonna get hot!"

Hot? I would ask to make it scalding, but homegirls plastic will melt in any kind of heat. That's actually a pretty good idea. That's about the best thing he's said... ever.

Heidi Montag gave an interview to UsWeekly about the negative attention she got for her truly shitty ass video. Despite all the negative response, her song "Higher" has managed to reach #7 on iTunes. Heidi said, "I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out. I just couldn't understand why people I didn't even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful toward me."

I would cry myself to sleep at night too if I was her. For different reasons of course. Spencer told Heidi that this comes with the territory of being a pop star. Pop star? Poop star is more like it.

She said, "I am just a 21-year-old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams."

She also explained her kitchen sink video, "We were at the beach and, literally, Spencer had his camera and a boom box in the trunk. We did it in one take, maybe two, and it took us 20 minutes to film and cost us zero dollars. We had other ideas but we couldn't afford them."

I think a snuff film would have been a better idea. It doesn't cost anything and would probably make a lot of people happy. And Heidi, nobody is buying your small town girl talk. Small town girl with plastic tits and a shitty nose job.

Image: Wireimage

It's pawn shop video time! Here's the amazing video for Heidi Montag's "Higher." I think the Popeye's 2-piece meal I ate last night cost more than this piece of shit. I mean....the videos I used to make when I was 11-years-old had higher production values than this. This video is basically Girls Gone Wild without the emotional intensity meets those karaoke videos. The only thing that kept me watching the entire video was the hope that a giant shark was going to jump out of the ocean and swallow this plastic bitch whole. They can't even synch up the music with the video correctly! Somebody tell Heidi just to skip to hardcore porn already and save everyone the suffering of having to deal with her music.

The only thing better than this amazing video is the "making of." I'm totally depressed that the fisherman didn't make the final cut. He definitely has star power. I guess he took the spotlight off of Heidi too much.

The Spice Girls announced that are cutting their world tour short, because of "family commitments" and touring logistics. They have already performed in Europe, UK, Canada and the US. They were supposed to go on until June playing dates in South Africa, Australia, China and Argentina, but will end their shit in Toronto on February 26th instead. Their management denies they are ending due to poor ticket sales.

The Daily Mirror reports that they aren't ending the tour, because of the reasons they gave. They are ending it, because they hate each other again. Scary and Sporty apparently are completely over it. Scary wants to get back to her family and Sporty is afraid it will jeopardize her solo career.

Menopause is a bitch. Listen, these hos made a commitment and they should see it out. Quitting a commitment is not "girl power." That is "girl laziness." Pop the hormones, put on those hideous outfits, show the camel toe and get the hell out and lip-synch like there's no tomorrow.

UsWeekly has the full song for Heidi Montag's "Higher." I need to get higher after listening to that shit. I would have rather heard Heidi and Spencer's sex farts than have to listen to that again.

It's totally going to be #1. Heidi stick to what you're good at, sweetie. Wait, what is she good at?

Click here to listen

Over the weekend there were reports that a New Kids on the Block reunion was in the works and looking official. The NKOTB website was back up and People reported that there would be an announcement in a couple of weeks. You can hang up your acid wash jeans, because it looks like a reunion is not going to happen. However, there are other plans for the New Kids!

Original Danny Wood, posted a bulletin on his MySpace:

Hello to everyone. Hope all is well and everyone is enjoying the New Year. I wanted to address the rumors of the NKOTB Reunion Tour. There has been no talk of this and you are getting it from source directly. Never say never, and you can't believe everything you read. On another note my solo record will be released in Australia in March. There are a few new songs on it and I hope you guys will check it out. Thank you so much for your continued support. Dwood

A Dlisted reader wrote in to tell me that it's not a reunion they are working on, but a full-fledged reality show looking for new members. Yeah, just like that "Menudo" reality show crap. Great, I would have preferred a reunion show. They will select 5 tools to front the new NKOTB and will launch them in Germany later this year. Can they launch them into space instead?

Thanks Jenn & L

Beyonce and Tina Turner may duet at the Grammys on February 10th reports Gatecrasher. Beyonce is already getting shit for crossing the WGA picket lines to perform. She's a member of the SAG. Like that bitch gives a shit. She's reportedly rehearsing a special and surprise duet with Tina. Tina rarely performs, so this would be special.

Screw Beyonce! Just let Tina perform by herself. Beyonce always to try out-sing whoever she's on stage with. She ends up sounding like a cat thrown in a tub of ice water. I'd rather hear Tina duet with a cat thrown in ice water than Beyonce.

Meet 24-year-old Stacey Gale from Queens, New York. Stacey is one of five people in the world that suffers from a rare condition called musicogenic epilepsy. Certain songs can trigger grand mal seizures in Stacey. She receives the worst kind of seizures when listening to Sean Paul's "Temperature."

She said she first felt it 3 years ago at a bbq. The song came on and all hell broke loose. She said, "As soon as the beat comes on, I don't know what it is, it just triggers my seizure. It's like a weird sensation you get, like a tingling in your head. I smelled something funny, a weird smell." Next thing she knew she was in the hospital. She also had to quit her choir, because it was causing seizures.

"Sean Paul was giving me seizures. I was very surprised, because he was one of my favorite artists." The doctors played the song in the hospital and found out Sean Paul was definitely giving the girl the crazies.

Stacey underwent a brain surgery last October and it looks like she's cured. At a press conference yesterday they played the Sean Paul song and she felt nothing. Stacey said, "Had that been before, I would have been on the floor, obviously, having a seizure."

That's because Sean Paul is the devil's music! It's putting the sin in her. In all seriousness, I just listened to that song and I think I had a few minor seizures as well.

Source: NY Post

My two favorite people in the entire world (this month), Lindsay and Kristy Landers, put out a music video this past Summer and it is truly a masterpiece. Not since Michael Jackson's Thriller has there been such a groundbreaking and important video. High art!

I've been talking about these two lovely ladies for the past few weeks, but you might have no idea who they are. It's probably better that way. They are the 16 and 18-year-old daughters of Judy Landers. They want to be big pop stars.

I'm not even joking when I say that I think this video was made at one of those kiosks at Six Flags amusement park. You know that shit where you can make your own music video and pick your own background. I think that's how this video was made. That being said, this is some hot shit.

Nothing says "mother of the year" like allowing your teen daughters to dress and dance like Laughlin, NV strippers. I really think their inspiration for this video came from Elizabeth Berkeley's performance in "Showgirls."

Click here if you can't see the video above

Asshole Simpson has a new video for her single "Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)." Seriously, that's the title. The video is probably something Gwen Stefani would make if she had no money, no talent, a lot of free time, a couple of camcorders and a friend that knows iMovie really well. Basically, it sucks and now I can't get that wretched song outta my...outta my....FUCK!