Truly Awful Music

This is the first night of Clay Gayken's Christmas tour in Illinois on December 1st. Fast forward till around 3:30 and listen to Clay's vocal chords basically tell him that it's not going to happen tonight. I'm surprised, because he should be used to opening wide and blowing. He probably had a little jizz ball caught up in there. It happens to the best of us.

Thanks Cocograph

Oh Billy Idol! Are you that hard up for cash?! How can he go from "Rebel Yell" to this?! I guess it's not a nice day for a white Christmas. God, that was lame.

Click here to see some other holiday gems from the original meth face.

You know Christmas has arrived when he hear Heidi Klum sing about a Winter Wonderland. Her voice isn't bad, but she should've cast another Santa Clause. Ho looks like he's dying. I'm all for Heidi singing, but what happened to Tyra Banks' singing career? Don't you remember "Shake Ya Body?" Now, that was a classic! These two should do a duet of Aladdin's "A Whole New World."

Baby Spice has a new single and by "new" I mean a cover song of "Downtown." It's truly awful and I'm not sure why she's doing it. The video is also perplexing. She's some maid in a hotel and everytime she sings the "Downtown" part she points to her chocha. Is she trying to make this beloved classic, naughty? No, she's not that smart. Doesn't she kind of look like Twiggy? I'm not talking about young Twiggy either, I'm not talking about old Twiggy.

It's a slow day, so this edition of Truly Awful Music features one of the greatest performances in music history. It comes from one of the contestants of 2003's WB's Superstar USA. This reality show was an anti-American Idol and tricked horrible singers into thinking they were great. Each week the singers painfully sang beloved songs. They didn't know it, but the joke was on them. My favorite contestant was the multi-talented Rosa. She was a girl from Mexico with a big dream. She said she sounded better than JLo and Christina Aguilera. She's kind of right. I mean I know JLo sounds like this without effects. Here's the gorgeous Rosa singing a beautiful song of friendship and love.

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This episode of Truly Awful Music features Parasite Hilton's debut album which came out months ago. I know it's old shit, but when I first heard it back then I kind of blocked it out. I pushed her album (which I got for free and did not pay a cent for) under my bed like the Grudge and hoped to never see it again. Well, I had to talk about her cover of Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Because, basically it sounds like she's getting gang banged while singing it and this should be shared with the World.

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This little diddy is presented to you by Ali Lohan, sister of Blohan. I guess she put out some kind of Christmas album which is in stores now. The piece of awful music I'm providing you with is called "Lohan Holiday" and is sung by Ali with background vocals by Blohan. I'm not sure what a Lohan holiday is, but I'm sure it involves doing lines off of each other's firecrotches while crying about how their lives are a complete waste. Then they totally crank call Paris Hilton while smoking crack from broken light bulbs. Ahhh...I love the holidays!

Thx Nick

I find that many websites and blogs talk about what great music is out there and so I'm going to focus on the shitty music that's out there. I mean, there's trash that's so bad it's good. This little diddy does not fall into that category. This is from Chestica Simpson's latest album, A Public Affair, and is a cover of the Dead or Alive classic, You Spin Me Round. This should have never seen the light of day and I'm guessing that Papa Joe thought it would be a really hot idea. It kind of sounds like if you took an old queen, a used up synthesizer and really crusty panties and blended them up together. Yeah, this is what it would sound like.

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Click here if you really hate yourself and want to download it.