Tranny Mess

The Trannycat Dolls have a new video for their "song," "When I Grow Up." It's not much of a song, it's more like an annoying noise that keeps buzzing in your ear. Brit Brit reportedly shot a cameo for this mess, but was cut at the last minute. They did the Cheeto one a favor.

When I first heard this mess of a song, I thought they sang "I wanna have boobies." And I immediately thought, "Um...you do have boobies. Bought and paid for. Now it's time to work on getting yourself that vagina." They actually sing, "I wanna have groupies." Boring! I like boobies better.

Maybe it's the other way around and the Trannycats are slumming it with Brit Brit? I think it's a little of both. So.... Britney Jean shot a small cameo for PCD's new video "When I Grow Up I Want To Be Female." Brit can barely shoot her own videos, but she somehow managed to shoot somebody else's. She shot her scenes separately from the group.

A source told UsWeekly that in the scene, Brit is driving in a car and waves to the Trannycats. She crashes into them, gets out of the car and starts whacking off their dicks with an umbrella. If only.

The source said, "It is genius and you will love it! Of course, Britney looks hot and blonde." The "source" has obviously been hitting the jenkem pipe.

Click here to see the Trannycats performing the song at the MTV Movie Awards. Your ears will choke on its own vomit.

Here's the Trannycats looking like day shift prostitutes on the set of their video yesterday.

Why didn't the glass break?! Why?! I would think that Linda Hogan's fugly mug is capable of breaking even the strongest glass. Even the weight of their desperation didn't break that shit.

Linda Hogan and her 19-year-old boyfriend must have brought on the dry heaves with their dirty dancing moves at last night's opening party for the Palms Place Hotel in Las Vegas. And yes, he's 19. NINETEEN. If he's 19 then I'm an embryo. His body looks like it's been affected by 20 years of intense beer bonging.

Hulk Hogan is dating a Brooke look-alike, so Linda might as well too. You know Brooke looks like Linda's man toy without the make-up, fake hair and a few days of not shaving.

Seeing pictures of LaToya Jackson always brings a smile to my face. My smile quickly turns into a grimace, because I don't understand how a plastic surgeon is still able to eff with her face. I would think that even the slightest touch of a scalpel would make her entire head deflate. Toy needs to be stamped with a giant "expired," so that plastic surgeons knows not to mess with her anymore. What's done is done.

One thing I do love about Toy is that she can be almost any hot fucking mess. With a few minor adjustments, she can be Fergie, Mariah, Charo or Jacko. All the great lady messes of music!

Here's Toy celebrating her 52nd birfday in Las Vegas last night with RuPaul. Why is she doing jazzercise moves on the red carpet?

Hollyweird keeps barfing up old ideas! E! reports that Eddie Murphy will star in Beverly Hills Cop 4 for Paramount. Brett Ratner is in talks to direct this crap for a summer 2010 release. They should call it Beverly Hills Crap: Tranny Got A Gun.

The only good that can come out of this is if they bring Judge Reinhold back. He needs the work. Other than that, I'd much rather see a sequel to Vampire in Brooklyn.

Brooke Hogan's brother is in the chokey, her parents are divorcing and she is an emotional wreck. Pop Tarts reports that 20-year-old Brooke is slowly crumbling. A source told them, “She’s suffering the worst of all; she just can’t keep it together and has been hit the hardest." Boys don't cry, Brooke! Man up! Bitch just needs to slow down on the roids and double up on her female hormones and she'll be alright.

Hulk Hogan thinks that their reality show might be the cause of all their problems. He said, “I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about."

"We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete, but I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Sure, blame reality tv! Fuck that. I blame roids, fake tanner, hair bleach and overall stupidity!

Thanks Ben

He wants you to look at him. He's begging you!

Marc Jacobs looks like he ransacked Kelly Osbourne's make-up bag for his spread in Interview Magazine. Actually, he looks more like Ronald McDonald's cross-dressing brother. Rory McDonald. You know, the one we're not supposed to talk about. I think the McRib was inspired by him. I could be wrong.

Visit BryanBoy to see more pics from Marc Jacob's Interview shoot.

Yesterday, I posted some pictures of Nikki Cox and her fish lips from hell. I think Amanda Lepore was her inspiration. Mandy's lips have enough crap in them to keep Tupperware in business for decades. Shit, we should recycle her hot ass. All our problems will be solved. Naw, let's not recycle her. The world needs this kind of glamour and beauty. While all of us get wrinkly and saggy, Mandy will still look like this.

Here's Mandy looking like a sexy, plastic Dixie cup at the Life Ball in Vienna.

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo was questioned by the fuzz after an argument with three tranny hookers he met in Rio de Janeiro on Sunday night. The AC Milan star met three call girls at a nightclub. He told police he knew they were hookers, but didn't know they were dudes. He took the three trannies to a motel where he discovered the truth. He offered them around $600 each to leave. Two of the trannies accepted, but the other tranny, Andre Luis Ribeiro Albertino (above), demanded $30,000 or else.

Andre, who likes to be called Andrea, claims Ronaldo took drugs. She also has a receipt from Ronaldo's purchase of the three hos. Receipt?! Is that shit tax-deductible? For the record, prostitution is illegal in Brazil. Andrea posted a shitty video on YouTube featuring Ronaldo. She also posed with his car documents in the picture above.

The Sun reports that Ronaldo went to the cops after Andrea blackmailed his ass. Ronaldo denies Andrea's claim that he took drugs. The police chief said, "Ronaldo's testimony is more reliable. From zero to 10, I give his testimony a nine. He was very excited and wanted to go out and have fun, without the press knowing. Ronaldo said he is not good in the head and that he is going through psychological problems because of his recent surgery. But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best."

Even Stevie Wonder can tell you that hooker has a dick. She looks more like a dude than Ronaldo does! I hope there's more to this story, because I love a juicy tranny hooker scandal!

Below is the shitty clip of Ronaldo and Andrea telling his story:

This right here sums up why many countries hate America. Heidi and Spencer could definitely be the poster children of the "Hate America" campaign. They are totally living the American dream. Only in America can two dumb whores with the combined IQ of a dirty tampon become rich and famous. Well, two dumb whores can become rich and famous in the UK too (Katie & Peter). Too be perfectly honest, I think I'm falling under their spell. They are so fucking ridiculous that it's kind of amazing. And the best part is that they are totally serious about it. It's like not they are being ironic. I don't think they even know the meaning of that word.

Here's our greatest American heroes giving one of their infamous planned candid photo shoots in DC. I've also thrown in Heidi's twin sissy Chrissy Crocker. She ran all over Robertson Blvd. with a special message for Perez. Hey, it could have been worse. She could have written the message on her power bottom ass.