Tranny Mess

The always reclusive Tranny Clown left her bat baby at home to perform for a bunch of rich skanks at the launch party of Trump Dubai in Los Angeles last night. And by "perform" I mean she probably did her usual butt fuck yodeling while waving her hands in the air like a crazy homeless lady trying to flag the bus.

I've noticed that Xtina almost never closes her mouth! In her defense, I think it's dangerous. If her lips even touch a little bit, the massive amounts of red paint plastered all over them will get stuck together. She would have to make an emergency dash to urgent care and that would be fucking embarassing!

By the way, in the 7th thumbnail below, the water bottle got stuck to her smackers. It took three busboys, a couple of bodyguards, a few gallons of nail polish remover and a bottle opener to pry it loose.

Did Kim Kardashian replace Nicole Scherzingwhatever as the lead lip-syncher of the Trannycat Dolls? Who the hell is that tranny?

What's sad is that my 4-year-old cousin worships these skanks. I seriously better not hear about her driving around on her Princess Big Wheel, wearing her mother's Playtex bra while singing about how when she grows up she wants boobies. I will slap her mom with a dirty chankla if that ever happens.

And I'd love to see these hos actually riding those bikes. Something tells me there would be a lot of falling trannies.

Andy Dick has checked into rehab. Well, television rehab anyway. TMZ reports that Dick has joined the cast of "Sober Living." I'm not sure, but I think this is a spin-off of Vh1's "Celebrity Rehab." Dr. Drew is supposedly involved in "Sober Living" which will take a group of has-been pieces of trash and stick them in a Beverly Hills mansion without drugs or booze. Basically, it's "The Surreal Life" without alcohol. Please, you know these crackies will suck the freon out of the a/c or sniff oven cleaner to get high.

Sources say Dick decided he needed rehab after he was arrested outside of a Buffalo Wild Wings over a week ago. Dick will be paid for his involvement in the show.

Watching Andy Dick get sober on reality TV is going to be disgusting. Yes, I have to watch because I'm a glutton for punishment. Fuck, I even watched "Faces of Death" the other day and I have no idea why. Something tells me "Sober Living" will be more disturbing than "Faces of Death."

Oh and Andy Dick totally looks like a female-to-male tranny in the picture above.

Image: Fame Pictures

Note to Brooke Hogan: Never pose in front of a wall with the word "Trans" on it. Look before you pose. She probably wondered why all the photographers were pissing themselves laughing. Well, Brooke may give us yet another reason to laugh at her ass. The NYDN reports that Playboy wants her in their magazine. Yes, I said PlayBOY and not PlayGIRL. Brooke apparently hasn't turned down the offer.

20-year-old Brooke has never posed naked, but she's posed in a bikini before. Hulk Hogan has also made it a point to talk about how he doesn't want her looking like a slut. Brooke's rep said, "No decision has been made at this time." Let me make the decision for you, Brooke. Keep that shit to yourself! We know your tuck is proper, but we don't need to see it in all its glory.

Hulk will probably agree to this shit if he can shoot the pictures and style her. Brooke's issue of Playboy better come complete with a bottle of eye bleach.

When looking for pictures of Brooke, I was surprised to find out what a true fashion icon she is. Here's some pictures of Brooke's many classy ensembles.

Brooke Hogan makes it so hard for me to like her. She seems like the only bitch in the Hogan family that has more than half a brain cell, but then she goes and does shit like this. She looks like a tranny roasted chicken stuffed into discount lingerie from the local whore store. Brooke needs to leave this kind of tacky skank shit for the Trannycat Dolls. It's not helping her cause.

You know that after she performed, her daddy probably told her he'd wash that outfit for her. I bet he will. BARF!

Below is some video of Brooke skanking it up with The Knockouts at Mansion in Miami this past weekend.

Okay, at least she wore exquisite lucite heels from the Shauna Sand collection.

The tranny tale romance between New York and Tailor Made is over! This only proves that true love does not exist. They were the romance of our time!

A source told People that Tailor Made's contract was up and he was getting lock jaw from sucking New York's dick so much. NO! The source really said, “He had come to the conclusion that he couldn’t handle the relationship anymore. It was too distracting to his life, his career and his daughter. He couldn’t consistently be involved in that kind of drama.”

A rep for Vh1 said they broke up in March and all the drama will be shown on New York's new reality show "New York Goes To Hollywood To Get A Sex Change."

The source also claims that New York and Tailor Made only stayed together after "I Love New York 2" for the sake of her new show, “When they began shooting, he played it up that they were still together even though they weren’t. They had an understanding because he has respect for Tiffany.” You mean to tell me that reality show relationships are fake?! NOOO! Shane and Matt from the Bachelor are still in love. I know it!

Seriously, this news sucks for Tailor Made, but it's good news for all you tranny lovers out there! So you can cancel your account to TransPersonals and instead send your picture and stats to New York!

Source

Day-shift hooker alert! Brooke Hogan must be one secure tranny to go out with such a gorgeous friend. I mean, spandex/lace dress, spray-painted fake Louboutins, white lame shorty jacket and red rouge for days - perfection! This is the way every young liquor store hooker lady should dress for a classy night on the town.

AND! I can no longer clown on Brooke. Bitch is wearing exquisite lucite heels! If those beauties are from the Shauna Sand collection, I will get on my knees and worship her ding dong. Brooke Hogan is okay by me. Yup, lucite heels is all it takes.

Here's Brooke and her gorgeous day-shift hooker friend outside the Waverly Inn in NYC last night. WAIT?! NYC?! Excuse me, I have to go stalk KMart's lingerie department in hopes of seeing Brooke's stunning friend. Day-shift hookers love KMart's lingerie dept.

First of all, I'm going to titty slap the bitch who sent this to me with the message: "IT'S CYNTHIA NIXONS GIRLFRIEND!" You know who you are and I'll meet you out back. One of Rojo Caliente's silver dollar nipples has more beauty in it than all Terry of Birmingham. Actually, Terry sort of looks like the love child of Clay Gayken and Celia Hodes.

Anytranny, this is Terry Wright of Birmingham, England and he's turning into a lady. This is not his choice. Terry told The Sun, “I am a man, not a woman. And I do not want to be a woman. I just want to get my life back to normal.” Welcome to my world, Terry. I say that to myself at least twice a day.

Terry's change started 10 years ago when he started losing his hair and beard. Shortly after that, his skin smoothed out, his chichis grew and he started having hot flashes. Today, Terry covers up his bald head with a crappy wig. Don't ask me about the eyebrows. Do they have cholas in England?

Terry has been checked out by psychiatrists who claim he's mentally fine. Doctors found abnormally high levels of estrogen, but they aren't sure how to reverse Terry's condition.

He said, “I get mocked by kids where I live who call me She-Man and other names. Once a child bumped into me and its mother said, ‘Say sorry to the lady.’ My mates are shocked at my appearance but try to make light of it by saying I’m just a pretty-looking man.”

If Terry ever becomes a full-on woman, he won't have to change his name. I'm thinking positively!

You know, Terry pretty much looks like a dude. He just needs to rip off the Judge Judy wig, wipe off his cholita ginge eyebrows and remove the lip liner. Dude again!

No, Janice from The Muppets didn't get a tittay job and an extreme Mystic Tan. It's your favorite tranny from outer space, New York! Homeboy is back and looking...well..looking...trannylicious! These are some new promo shots for New York's new Vh1 reality show "New York Goes To Brazil To Finally Get That Sex Change." No, it's called "New York Goes To Hollywood."

New York dresses up to play Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Gale. Did you feel that? It's Marilyn and Judy Garland simultaneously flipping in their graves and screaming, "Bitch, NO!"

And I think I see nut in the first thumbnail below. New York, learn how to tuck properly! Take some ice to that shit!

Visit Vh1 Blog to see more pictures from this tranny mess of a photo shoot. Some of these pictures belong in the back of The Village Voice advertising for tranny escorts.

The Trannycat Dolls have a new video for their "song," "When I Grow Up." It's not much of a song, it's more like an annoying noise that keeps buzzing in your ear. Brit Brit reportedly shot a cameo for this mess, but was cut at the last minute. They did the Cheeto one a favor.

When I first heard this mess of a song, I thought they sang "I wanna have boobies." And I immediately thought, "Um...you do have boobies. Bought and paid for. Now it's time to work on getting yourself that vagina." They actually sing, "I wanna have groupies." Boring! I like boobies better.