Pictures of Sean Penn resembling Eleanor Abernathy dressed in costume as a pre-chunk Robert Smith made my August, and now he's back with the same MAN DOWN CODE 10 wig on his head to complete my October. But why does Wyclef's mortal enemy still have the same grouchiness on his face as though someone fucked their b-hole with his favorite red lipstick? Looking like a downtrodden Cher the day after the reviews for Burlesque come out....or like Edward Scissorhands the day Flowbees hit the market. A sad old queen with a sad old wig is just plain sad.
Here's a few more of Sean Penn on the NYC set of No, No, No: The Neverending Saga of Amy Wino. No, he's on the set of This Must Be the Place (aka a hard peen dangling over a certain golden statue's mouth).
Oh, look who fell off the shelf in the adult section at Jim Henson's Muppet factory? It's none other then Tiffany "New York" Pollard with LisaRaye at some pre-BET Awards party this past weekend. New York has been MIA lately (but was anyone looking?), because she's been too busy lying under a back alley plastic surgeon's scalpel in a makeshift medical center down in the basement of some abandoned warehouse. I mean, what in exploding lace hell is she smuggling in her chest area? Bitch looks like if Janice tried to swallow Animal and Zoot, but they got stuck in her chest so she just let them stay there. Poor rotting Muppets.
And try not to stare, but I'm pretty sure New York's wig is trying to slowly tip toe backwards towards the exit. Don't say anything. Let it escape.
YES! Ever since RuPaul's Drag Race went dark I've been craving some dick tucking EXTRAVAGANZANESS, and now I can finally inject a little into my ass lips thanks to The Real Housewives of NYC's Cuntress LuMann! This is his new video for "Money Can't Buy You Class (Elegance is LUUUUURNED)".
Who knew they can auto-tune a face too, because that looks nothing like her. They used more Vaseline on the lens than they do on LuMann's anus before her prostate exam.
If Joan Crawford rose from the dead, ate a truck full of bootleg testosterone tablets from Tijuana and injected her labia lips with gamma radiation, she would turn into CHYNA! Because just like Joan Crawford, Chyna's weapon of choice is a mighty WIRE HANGER!!!!!! Millions of plastic, satin and wooden hangers just breathed a giant sigh of relief.
A lady named Gabriela Targos tells TMZ that Chyna almost put her in a coffin after beating her ass in a motel room. It all started when Chyna called up Gabriela on Saturday night and asked her to come "hang out" with her. And by "hang out," I mean "do lines of meth off Chyna's shaft."
When Gabriela showed up to the motel, she says Chyna greeted her by giving her an ass beating even Chris Brown would flinch at. Gabriela went on to say that Chyna punched her in the face, dragged her by the hair and whooped her with a wire hangar. Gabriela managed to get away and she filed a report with the police. No arrest have been made and Chyna didn't comment on this mess.
Gabriela says she has no idea what set Chyna off.
Something in the leche ain't clean about this. Unless Gabriela has skin made out of silicone, wouldn't she be covered with bruises and shit. Wouldn't that be enough for the police to arrest Chyna? I mean, I know most officers are hesitant about approaching Chyna seeing as though she can lift and toss a car with her clitorpeen, but they would bring in proper reinforcements. Like Khloe Kardashian. Not since Godzilla vs. King Kong...
During an interview for her new album Bionic, Xtina (who is looking a little like a blonde Ann Magnuson in Glitter) flipped the bitch switch on when some dude let out a cough in the room. A quick second later, she sent him to the firing squad. Yeah, I know she was joking (sort of, kind of, not really), but she should still blame her self!
Whenever Xtina moves just a bit, thousands of bronzing powder and crusted mascara particles fly off her face and dance through the air before diving into the throat of an unsuspecting innocent person. A frog made out of foundation and bronzer jumped down that dude's throat.
Besides, Xtina shouldn't worry about catching the sicks. Bitch's face is protected by several layers of toxic chemicals, so any germ that gets near her will be eaten alive before it finds its way into her system. I saw this on the Discovery Channel.
At first glance I thought this was broke ass Lynne from The Real Housewives of Orange County doing what she's gotta do to pay her rent and plastic surgery bill. But in real life, it's Russell Brand kissing his girlfriend Katy Perry goodbye in Los Angeles yesterday.
Russell must really love Katy like a slut loves Free Clinic Fridays, because he wants her close to him at all times, which explains why he's wearing one of her lady tanks from the junior's department at Macy's.
Russell is totally flirting with danger, though. Dude shouldn't be walking the streets like that unless he's okay with Eddie Murphy trying to pick him up for a $20 date.
A drunk crossdressing 4-year-old broke into a neighbor's house and stole their Christmas presents on Tuesday morning in Chattanooga, TN. File this under: What would happen if I ever raised a kid. You can also cross-file it under: Might be a Spears.
It all started when 4-year-old Hayden Wright got a little thirstay in the early morning hours on Tuesday. Hayden went to the kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. Since nothing quenches the thirst of a 4-year-old like a cold beer, he grabbed one out of the fridge, opened it up and took a few sips. After he got a little of the sweet nectar in his system, Hayden was ready to party like Eddie Murphy so he headed for the next door neighbor's house.
Hayden got into the neighbor's house through an unlocked door and immediately noticed a bunch of presents under the Christmas tree. The presents must have called his name, because Hayden opened up five of them. One of the presents he opened up was a purdy brown dress, so naturally, Hayden slipped it on. You know, I'm beginning to think that I magically became a 4-year-old and transported to Tennessee on Tuesday without knowing it.
After Hayden put on the dress, he went to another neighbor's house and rang the door bell a few times. That neighbor called the police. The police found Hayden wandering the streets in the brown dress while drinking the beer. Hayden and his 21-year-old mother April were taken to the local hospital.
April said that Hayden's father is in jail, so he might have been trying to get arrested so he could go be with him. ACK! And suddenly this story took a turn to SADSVILLE.
Child Protective Services met with April yesterday and said they have no plans to take custody away from her. TLC also met with April and says they have serious plans to make Hayden a reality TV star. I made that last part up, but it will probably turn out to be true.
Source (Thanks Taylor)
It's a good thing Miley Cyrus is still around, because how else are little girls going to learn that wearing pants is optional now that the Trannycat Dolls are about to get euthanized.
According to Page Six, Nicole Scherwhateverwhocares is hitting the "ignore" button whenever the other trannycats call. Basically, Nicole wants to be the new Beyonce and the other trannies get the message.
A source said, "It is war. They have broken up for good. None of the other girls are speaking to Nicole, who they believe took the limelight, then went off to do her own thing."
Maybe Nicole realized that she no longer wanted to make superficial bubble gum fart music for strippers and toddlers alike to shimmy to. Nicole wants to go back to making meaningful music with thought-provoking lyrics. You know, the kind of John Lennon-approved music she made with Eden's Crush:
And since 99.999999% of you stopped reading at "Miley Cyrus," I can admit that I actually bought this CD at Sam Goody in broad daylight.
Over the weekend, Katie Price's cage fighting, cock tucking, cross-dressing sweetheart Alex Reid (Roxanne if you love it with lace) told the News of the World that he was going to travel to Australia to propose marriage to her. Well, I hope that sparkly engagement ring can easily be turned into a cock ring, because Katie Price quit Alex during her live exit interview for I'm A Blah Blah Blah....Get Me Blah Blah Blah.
Just as Roxanne was sashaying through an Australian airport on his way to the jungle, Katie Price said this: "I'd done a lot of reflecting. I've realized that I want to be on my own. I don't want to be in a relationship. I hope that we can remain friends. I'm not with him, no."
At that moment, Harvey Price got a jolt of the fever in him and jumped up, did the splits, jumped back up, did the moonwalk, swirled to the right, swirled to the left, did the Cabbage Patch and then shouted, "FUCKITY FUCK FUCK YES!"
Since Roxanne, like Katie, is a famewhore who just doesn't quit, he immediately queefed out this statement: "Following yesterday's surprise revelations that Alex Reid's relationship with Katie Price has apparently ended, Cage Fighter Films Ltd, with whom Alex has contractual obligations and responsibilities, would like to make it clear that he will continue with his business meetings associated with the film Cage Rage at undisclosed locations in Australia. Naturally there are ongoing telephone conversation between the couple, but Alex has no further comment to make at this time regarding the state of their relationship."
Business meetings?! ROXY STOP! Getting your prostate massaged by a ladyboy's dick doesn't count as a "business meeting." We're all adults here.
And start your watches, because it won't be long before a gorgeous-looking Roxanne (wearing the outfit above) and Peter Andre are holding hands on the cover of OK! Magazine with the headline: "Our mutual hate for Katie brought us together!"
Below is Katie's interview from last night. Skip to the 5:45 mark to watch her dump a bitch on live television:
Lady CaCa is really trying hard to stay at the top of her tuck game! Homegirl is getting inventive and shit. At last night's AMAs, she tried out a new dick tucking prototype that looked like shorty chaps made out of Ace bandages. It still needs a few tweaks, but at least a tip or a nut didn't pop out. She's well on her way to becoming the greatest tucker who ever tucked.
While I was applauding Lady CaCa's acts of tuckery, Mimi was probably crying a million butterfly-shaped tears on her Hello Kitty body pillow. At first glance, it looks like Lady CaCa is wearing the skeleton of a sparkly alien unicorn!
And in case you missed it, here's Lady CaCa breaking bottles and dancing around like a special needs Velociraptor during her performance of Bad Romance/Speechless.