Tranny Mess

I didn't even have to blink twice before figuring out who Cojo dressed up as to Heidi Klum's Halloween party last night. When my dog ran out of the room screaming, I knew that only one beast could instill that kind of fear into small furry animals: KHLOE KARDASHIAN!!!!!!

Cojo makes a better Khloe Kardashian than Khloe Kardashian does. And he nailed that "hongray for woodland creatures" look in his eye. It's so real! You're expecting him to yank that veil off, howl at the moon and then gallop off into the darkness. Just like the real Khloe.

Although, my only criticism is that he could've used more arm and upper lip hair for authenticity. Other than that, Cojo triumphed as Khloe. You know Lamar Odom will be busting into face seizures all day from jacking off to these pictures like maniac. I wouldn't be surprised if he calls it off with Khloe and proposes to KhloJo instead.

In case your head has already puked up this pivotal information: Katie Price's cage fighting boyfriend Alex Reid loves to drag it up as his alter ego Roxanne. Katie completely embraces Alex's tranny side and has even stuck her tongue in his tuck. All together now: HASN'T HARVEY BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!!!!!!

In the new issue of OK!, Katie says, "I've had sex with Roxanne and I'm not going into details. It wasn't like lesbian sex because he has men's bits. When I split with Pete, I was completely off sex. But I can tell you, Alex has sent my sex drive through the roof."

Thanks for the anatomy lesson, Professor Jordan. Because all of us were under the impression that when you put on a pair of pantyhose a working chocha suddenly grows in your crotch area. If only it worked that way. It would save Lady CaCa a lot of time.

VIA The Mirror

Katie Price's boyfriend and Harvey's new punching bag, Alex Reid, not only loves the feeling of gold lame hugging his tucked dick, but there's been whispers that he also gets thirstay for Thai ladyboys every now and again. And now one of those ladyboys has skipped on over to The Sun to say how Alex became obsessed with her.

While Alex Reid was teaching martial arts in Thailand, he got apparently got phuky with a Phuket ladyboy named Kay Kae.

Kay Kae told The Sun that Alex knew she was born with a wang down below, but that didn't stop him from visiting her at the bar she worked at, "He didn't come and drink much because he was too serious about his training. But we'd meet late at the bar and then he'd take me back to the house he used at the camp. He liked me to talk dirty."

According to Kay Kae, Alex never paid her shit, and all they did was kiss and cuddle. Alex co-signed that claim: “We definitely did not have sex. It was all a big misunderstanding and a bit embarrassing.” This isn't as embarrassing as Alex wearing pantyhose with a gold leotard.

In related news, if I chopped my bits and went to Thailand to shake my ass for rent money, I'd go by the name "Kay Kae" too.

Katie Price's current clit tickler, cage fighter Alex Reid, dusted the puss crust off of one of her gold unitards and slipped into it to make his public debut as his alter ego ROXANNE! Alex proved that his tuck game was stronger (Although, there might not be much to tuck) than Lady CaCa's at the launch for Katie's new book at Selfridges in London today. Harvey just filed for emancipation.

Katie made the big mistake of forcing Alex to bring out his better persona, because Roxanne is definitely sessier than Jordan. Who needs dignity, pride or a nutsack when you have leg's like Roxanne's?

And I think Katie thought that if she's surrounded by a bunch of dudes in drag, it would make her look more like a biological woman. When in fact, she looks like she tucks her dick right next to them in the men's bathroom. This is not the look for her. But I will say that her "Marilyn Monroe on acid" wig looks more natural than Kim Zolciak's, so six dick claps for that!

Ryan Reynolds should take a few lessons from Lady CaCa on tuck game before he shoots his new movie, because he's going to have to put that dick away and put an ice cube on it. Variety (via Coming Soon) brings us the news that Ryan will start in an untitled comedy about a dude who dresses up in drag to befriend his ex in a bid to win her back. Mrs. Doubtfail is right.

Ryan will shoot the movie after he finishes up The Green Lantern.

Ryan should beware, because as soon as he puts on a blonde wig and stuffs his pecs into a bra, A-Rod will propose marriage to him.

And yes, I'd still hit it even with his peen tucked in between his ass cheeks.

In that picture above, the only thing Alex Reid is thinking about is how he can't wait to get home, rip that dress off of Katie Price's body, slip those shoes off and then put them on himself so he can sashay around like he's LIP-SYNCHING FOR HIS LIFE on RuPaul's Drag Race! According to The Sun, Katie Price's latest fuck time partner just loves the feeling of satin against his rotten orange butt skin and lace over his raisin nipples.

A source said that Alex confessed to Katie that he has been cross-dressing under the name of Roxanne ever since he was 16 and he's not about to stop. Alex goes all out when he becomes Roxanne. Dude tucks his jerky dick into a pair of pantyhose, puts on a sparkly dress, slaps on a wig and sprays a shit load of make-up on his face. And he probably looks hotter than Brooke Hogan after he does it.

Since Katie is an "anything goes" kind of whore, she's fine with Alex wearing her dresses and she's even bought him a pair of high heels. The source went on to say that Katie can't wait to meet Roxanne. Make that two of us!

I'm beginning to like this Alex/Roxanne bitch! Yes, Alex has a face that only Harvey's fist could love, but the ladydude sounds he's down for a good time. I mean, he's a cage fighter by day, and a cage dancer in stilettos by night! Wurk it, GURL!

Somewhere in the world, Peter Andre is making a sad face while wearing a sequined gown, because if he only knew that Katie was fine with dicks in dresses......

No, this is not a picture of swine flu victim Marilyn Manson (see below) in his jammies. It's Nicolas Cage in a test shot for Superman back when Tim Burton was going to direct the remake.

This shit looks more like SuperDepressedTranny, because Nicolas couldn't look less excited about this mess. Or maybe he's trying to secretly push out a stubborn fart bubble while stoned out of his skull. And I'm sure that fart reeked less than Superman Returns.

Source VIA Buzzfeed

The privilege has been revoked! Send your hate mail (written in anal gland ink) to Khloe Kardashian. Khloe has confirmed that she is butt fucking the sanctity of marriage (without lube) by marrying a giant bigger than her after dating him for only one month. Doomsday is this Sunday.

Khloe is on the cover of this week's Life & Style looking like the epitome of a Bridezilla. For real, she looks like Godzilla in a factory-direct wedding dress that has been sitting on the back shelf of David's Bridal for years. Terrifying. That poor flower is crying hardcore tears, because it knows it's about to spend the rest of its life in the belly of a BEAST!

And just for the record, Khloe's mother/pimp swears on a stack of Star Magazines that her daughter is not knocked up. Well, she's not pregnant with an actual baby, but she's definitely pregnant with a giant sack of desperation.

(Image VIA Cover Awards)

Oh, look! It's the broken condom baby of Little Orphan Annie and Divine! Although, the sun won't be coming out tomorrow, because Beth is blocking it!

Beth Ditto normally looks like something Leigh Bowery queefed up, but she looked extra dragalicious last night, because she was judging some drag show in London. I approve of this look only because her hair is probably what Carrot Top's nut bush looks like.

Brooke Hogan's album sold 3,500 copies (Yeah, that many) or some shit in its first week, so shouldn't she be dusting off her shelves for all the Grammys she's going to receive or perfecting her tuck game for her massive stadium world tour? You would think. But instead, Brooke Hogan is out giving interviews to Sirius where she's busting on everyone from Beyonce to Cassie to camels (aka her mom):

On Beyonce: "She needs to go and make some babies and chill."

On Cassie's nekkid internet pictures: "Don't show it if it's not right. It's all stretched out."

The funny thing is that Beyonce probably doesn't even know what a Brooke Hogan is. Bitch probably thinks it's a sandwich at Quizno's (lukewarm roast beef served on a stale flat bun with a heaping dollop of bullshit sauce on top). As for Cassie, Brooke is just jealous. Brooke can tuck her dick in between her thighs and pretend she has a vag all she wants, but we all know the truth. And Cassie's "stretched out" vagina is still a zillion times prettier than Brooke's "sperm-count killing" face.

The majority of bitches on Twitter seem to agree. I just spent the last 30-minutes taking notes on the bitchery against Brooke happening on Twitter. Here's just a taste:

arckaye @brookehogan ♥ I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.

seanblendy @brookehogan Is it possible for your balls to drop lower than your album did?!

Brodi_Avalon @BrookeHogan . Remember, you can't spell " Brooke Hogan " without " Broke Ho"

VIA ONTD