Jude Law

Samantha Burke sold off the first pictures of her baby with Jude Law to Hello! Magazine for$300,000. This had a lot of whores (including yours truly) screaming about how she's selling out her baby so she can roll around in wads of cash. Well, Samantha bounced on her website to set the record straight:

I can confirm that after months of constant requests from the media, I decided to share pictures of myself and Sophia with Hello! Magazine. Both Sophia and I were compensated for the photographs, and will donate a portion of the compensation to the Ronald McDonald House to assist with the completion of their new facility in Pensacola, FL. The majority of the compensation, paid to Sophia, will be placed in trust for her secondary education and well-being. I’m thrilled with the pictures of Sophia and pleased to announce that she is healthy, happy and deeply loved.

SAMMY STOP! Putting a quarter in those plastic boxes in front of the McDonald's cash register does not count!

But if Samantha is telling the whole truth, it makes sense why Baby Sophia has a "THIS BITCH" face. Working for free doesn't exactly inspire a smile.

VIA Just Jared

Yesterday, my ass posted a little story about how Jude Law's one-night-fuck turned baby mama, Samantha Burke, sold the first pictures of her baby for $300k to Hello! Magazine. Well, here's the cover of Hello! starring (warning: clear your throat before you read this) 24-year-old Samantha and her adorable bag of money. In the issue, Samantha tells her "amazing story." I'll save your eyeballs the trouble and give you the Cliffs Notes version.

Basically, Samantha rode on Jude Law's raw peenus and one of his jizz fishies fed itself to her lady egg thus creating a fetus! Then Samantha pushed out her baby girl, slapped a price tag on her ass and sold her off to a magazine. The End. You're totally amazed, right?

And Baby Sophia needs a DRANK! Homegirl looks like she'd rather be watching Sky Captain on a loop than pose for the cover of a magazine. But at least we got to see that Sophia inherited her daddy's hairline (or lack thereof).

VIA Daily Mail

So your checking account is crying because its HONGRAY and you've got Jude Law's shiny new baby friend in your arms. What's a self-respecting gold digger to do? You do the math.

All you have to do is polish that baby and push her out on the ho stroll! And that's exactly what Samantha Burke is doing.

The Daily Mail reports that Samantha sold the first pictures her daughter Sophia to the highest bidder. Samantha's agent confirms that Hello! Magazine snatched up the pictures and interview for around $300,000. A source said that Samantha has kept her baby under lock and key so that paps wouldn't get any shots of her, "Samantha may have got pregnant by accident but she’s a smart businesswoman. The child has rarely left the house since her birth and when Samantha has had to take her out for some reason or the other, her face is carefully covered."

The first time Jude ever lays eyes on his new baby is probably when she's on the cover of Hello! Magazine since he hasn't gone down to Florida to visit her.

While my wallet fucking heart applauds Samantha for making that money, I have to say that she needs to think bigger. Magazine pictures are for amateurs. Everyone is doing that. Samantha needs to put baby Sophia out on tour! Sophia can sit on stage goo goo and ga ga-ing for two hours. Shit, it sounds more entertaining than watching Jude Law in Hamlet.

And yes, everything I know about parenting I learned from Joe Jackson.

Here's Jude Law's latest babeh mameh, Samantha Burke, hobbling around her Pensacola, Fl neighborhood yesterday. At least they tell me this is Samantha Burke, because all I see is chichiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! DAMN! Yeah, I know Samantha's chichis still aren't as big as even one of Aretha Franklin's nipples, but they still do the trick! If I was Samantha, I would lease my new baby out, because I wouldn't even have time to take care of her. I'd be too busy jiggling my leche bags in the mirror all day long! Yes, I'm that easy.

But seriously, baby is going to need an oxygen tank, so she doesn't get smothered. I'm sure Salma Hayek has a few laying around that she can give to Samantha.

And in other Jude news, The News of the World (via Digital Spy) says he is refusing to see Baby Sophia until he gets a DNA test. A friend said, "Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100% certain that she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers. If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He is hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad."

This is a little weird since I thought Jude already took a DNA test before baby Sophia was born. That's why he admitted he was in fact the father? Hmm. Maybe Jude just wants an excuse to rub one off into a plastic cup while a nurse waits outside the door. The plastic cup fetish. That's a new one.

Jude Law became a papa je'e for the fourth time earlier this week, and he just doesn't have the time to give a quick hello to his new baby friend. A source tells the Telegraph that Jude is busy doing acting shit on Broadway in Hamlet and can't fly all the way to the distant land known as Florida to visit baby Sophia. The source went to blurt out, "Sadly, Jude will not be able to see Sophia until he finishes work on Hamlet on Broadway in December."

But another friend said that Jude is hearing that his fuck time partner turned baby mama, Samantha Burke, is planning to sell her story and he wants nothing to do with it. Jude is afraid that the media will attack him like KFed attacking a refrigerator if he goes down there. The friend said, "Jude thinks that if he goes to Florida immediately, it will be a media circus. He doesn't see why he should give the paparazzi the pleasure."

You know, I doubt Samantha cares if Jude makes like his hairline and disappears. Methinks that Samantha only cares about one visitor making an appearance every single month: a fucking check from Jude! Truuuuuth!

Jude Law's one-time fuck friend, Samantha Burke, gave birth to their daughter. Yes, EVERYONE is giving birth. I'm a little scared, because my stomach has been all kinds of wonky since this morning. I figured it was just the breakfast burrito and Pop Tart I devoured, but since everyone is shooting out a baby, I'm concerned. If a baby head pops out of my no-no, I am officially quitting this bitch! Anyishouldstarttakingbirthcontrol....

People confirms that 24-year-old Samantha birthed Jude's latest child support recipient last night. One of Samantha's friends said, "I doubt Jude was there. Besides the financial support, he's not involved."

Jude and Samantha met last year while he was in NYC shooting Sherlock Holmes. It was supposed to be one of those "bang and bounce" type situations, but since they decided to do that shit raw, they made a baby! This newest baby friend is Jude Law's fourth. He already has three chirruns with Sadie Frost.

Samantha has reportedly named her daughter Sophia, which is short for SophiaWantsHerCheckJude!

Here's Jude Law's baby momma of the month, Samantha Burke, in an exclusive pregnant bikini spread for Photobucket. Hey, what else is she supposed to do when even The Globe won't take her calls and someone keeps flagging her Craigslist "LOOK AT ME" ad? A famewhore has to whore herself out any way she can!

TMZ somehow came across (*cough*SamBu sent them the link*cough*) a Photobucket account containing a bunch of pictures of Samantha documenting the growth of her money fetus while wearing sessy bikinis and lingerie. Bitch is working that bump like she really wants to make it into your MySpace Top 8! You can tell she's a pro. Look at how she's posing with that window shade cord! Chicken Cutlets has some competition!

Call off the search (I'm shouting that to an empty room)!!! The mother of Jude Law's fourth baby friend has been revealed and it's not Rachel McAdams' sister (cue Rachel busting into Bro Franklin's offering time dance). The woman Jude sprinkled his seed in is 24-year-old model/actress/Tool Time Girl reject Samantha Burke.

Sources say DNA tests confirmed that the baby is in fact Jude's. Samantha's attorney released this statement to TMZ: "Ms. Burke can confirm that she did in fact have a relationship with Mr. Law and that she has informed Mr. Law that she is expecting his child later this fall. Since informing Mr. Law of the pregnancy, he has been nothing but responsive and supportive of Ms. Burke and the pregnancy."

TMZ also found Samantha's lonely registry at Babies'R Us. It says she's going to have a girl on October 6th named Cash Ka-Ching Money. No, she's going to name her Sophia.

Sarah Larson, I hope that you can hear me from whatever club bathroom stall you're passed out in when I scream, "THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE!" Samantha Burke cashed her check!

If you care, click here to see Samantha's modeling portfolio.

Jude "I Swear I'll Pull Out In Time" Law announced that he has a fourth baby coming around the bend this Fall, but wouldn't say who he knocked up. YourTango (via Star) is saying that Rachel McAdams' younger sister, Hilary Swank Kayleen, is the woman who is brewing a little Jude Law baby in her womb. Apparently, Jude and Kayleen did fucky times last year without the help of a baby batter catcher mit.

They met in NYC when Kayleen came to visit her sister on the set of Sherlock Holmes. This might solve this blind item from CDAN:

This B+/A- movie actor had a great relationship with his C list movie actress co-star on one of his recent movies. It didn't lead to anything romantic for them, but the actress did invite her sister to the set. Well one thing led to the other and the next thing you know the sister of the C list actress was pregnant. When our actor found out, he dumped the sister and is saying the child isn't his. It made for a VERY tense time between the actress and the actor on their recent promotional tour.

However, Jude's spokeswhore told Life & Style that Kayleen McAdams IS NOT THE MOTHER.

A source told Life & Style that Jude did meet his baby mama in NYC while he was filming SH in January, but that it was just one of those "fuck, dump and bounce" sort of things. After Jude left town, the woman found out she had a case of the babies. She contacted Jude's publicist, they got a DNA test and that's that! The source went on to say, "The two of them are by no means together, but Jude isn't being a jerk about being a father. He's willing to take responsibility for his baby. And she's definitely keeping it. She's probably about seven months along right now."

Whoever, the lady is, she should name the baby Sherlock. It's the right thing to do. Homegirl should also stick a few Propecia pills in her vag, so the baby can grab 'em and eat 'em. I mean, look at Jude's "gone north" hairline. You can't be too careful!

Jude Law's spokeswhore tells EW that he's going to be a papa je'e for the fourth time, but they wouldn't give up identity of the mother! ESCANDALO! SANTO DIOS! (insert your favorite Spanish soap opera saying here) This is what Jude's rep said:

“Jude Law can confirm that, following a relationship last year, he has been advised that he is to be the father of a child due in the fall of this year. Mr. Law is no longer in a relationship with the individual concerned but he intends to be a fully supportive part of the child’s life. This is an entirely private matter and no other statements will be made.”

Robert Downey Jr. needs to break out his Sherlock Holmes outfit (sans blouse) and bring out the magnifying glass, because we need to know who the mother is! I'm not going to ask Maury to step in, because finding out the true identity of a baby's mother is not his beat!

After a super quick search, I've narrowed it down to 4 possibilities: Cameron Diaz (HA), KFed, this crazy bitch, and the pap he allegedly hit in the head (domestic drama). I didn't include Sienna Miller in this, because that ho is not going to let some baby friend get in the way of her slutting it up. Bitch is smarter than that!