Film

Move over "Anna Nicole," this is now the most-anticipated movie of the hour! Jenna Jameson's "Zombie Strippers" was supposed to go straight to DVD, but lucky for you, it will play selected cities on April 18th. It's a limited-release, so clear your schedules NOW!

The studio probably realized they have an award-winning epic on their hands and must release it in theaters first to qualify for Oscar nominations. Wise decision.

The movie is basically about a bunch of strippers eating each other. Jenna is back to doing what she does best! It also stars Robert Englund. Hell, at least he doesn't have to play Freddy again.

Click here to see a list of cities. Buy your tickets now, because it's totally going to sell out.

Source VIA ONTD

The Daily Mail claims Madonna has approached a major Hollywood studio about remaking "Casablanca" with her as the star! Its get better. According to these sources, Madonna wants to set the remake in Iraq. YES! Dear studio heads, make this happen!

A source said, "Madonna is talking about taking the Ingrid Bergman role for herself, even though Bergman was in her 20s when she played Ilsa and Madonna is nearly 50. She wants to update the story and maybe set it in a modern war zone such as Iraq. There is no script yet."

The source went on to say that Madonna's people are merely testing the waters and so far nobody is really interested. I'm interested! We haven't had an amazing flop in a long ass time and this would be epic. Justin Timberlake can co-star and Lindsay Lohan has to be in it. It isn't a flop without La Lahome. The tagline can read, "Not since Showgirls......"

The story is probably a bunch of bullcaca, but I believe that it's crossed Madonna's mind. The woman thinks she can do anything! I'm sure she has thoughts of remaking the Sistine Chapel, because she knows she can do a better job.

This is the trailer for the new "The Incredible Hulk" movie due out this Summer. The Hulk looks like the puddle my dog hacked up this morning. The movie can't be that awful, right? Tim Roth and William Hurt are in it. I think that's enough to put it in my Netflix queue. William Hurt + Body Heat = Hot Fuck.

Oh no. It's Robert Downey Jr. in black face for the spoof comedy "Tropic Thunder." In the movie, Robert portrays Kirk Lazarus, an Oscar-winning actor who dyes his skin in order to play a black character in the the most expensive Vietnam War film ever made. Basically, Robert is playing a white man playing a black man.

Robert doesn't think it will be offensive, because it will be done right. He told Entertainment Weekly, ''If it's done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago. If you don't do it right, we're going to hell. If I didn't feel it was morally sound or that it would be easily misinterpreted that I'm just C. Thomas Howell in ("Soul Man"), I would've stayed home."

Soul Man was shit!

Ben Stiller wrote, directed and also stars in the film. He said that at a recent screening black audiences thought it was funny. "I had no idea how people would respond to it."

The film hits theaters this August and also stars Jack Black, Nick Nolte, Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey and Tobey Maguire.

I guess this is sort of the same thing as Eddie Murphy playing an Asian character in "Norbit." That shit was semi-offensive though. I got flashbacks of Mickey Rooney in Breakfast At Tiffany's.

I haven't seen this Tropic Thunder shit, so I can't really judge. The only reason I want to see Tropic Thunder is to see Tommy Girl in a fat suit.

ShockTilYouDrop is reporting that Michael Bay's production company, Platinum Dunes, plans to remake the 1968 film Rosemary's Baby. Platinum Dunes is in talks to update the Roman Polanski film. The original movie was based on an Ira Levin novel and it starred Mia Farrow, John Cassavetes and Ruth Gordon.

Platinum Dunes is also working on the remakes of Nightmare on Elm Street, The Birds and Friday the 13th. They should change their name to The Butcher House.

We know how this is going to play. Jessica Alba, ScarJo or Keira Knightley will play Rosemary. Hayden Christensen, Ryan Phillipe or Chris Kline will play Guy. They will get some cheesy band like Good Charlotte to do a title theme. They will fill that shit with a ton of pathetic CGI effects. Fuck, they might as well get a big name to play the baby. I'm thinking Jack Nicholson.

Stop the madness! Can't they remake shit that actually needs help? Howard the Duck maybe? Yeah, what am I talking about? That movie is perfect just the way it is.

VIA Coming Soon

Paper Magazine has named Philip Seymour Hoffman's nude scene in "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead" as the worst of all-time. They compiled a list of the Top 10 Worst Nude Film Scenes of all-time and gave Phil the top spot. The magazine said, "The image of Philip’s big, bare flabby ass is branded on my brain.” Here's the rest of the Top 5:

1. Philip Seymour Hoffman - Before The Devil Knows You're Dead
2. Patrick Dempsey - Some Girls
3. Terry Bradshaw - Failure To Launch
4. Donald Sutherland - Space Cowboys
5. Kathy Bates - At Play In The Fields Of The Lord

I'd rather see Philip's flabby ass and Kathy Bates' knee knockers than Sharon Stone's nasty ass vagina. She should have been number one, because every time I watch "Basic Instinct" (which is frequently, because it's hot) and that scene comes up I have to hold my breath or the vomit will pour from within.

Paper named Patrick as the No. 2 worst, because “The scene won’t make you think McDreamy, but rather McTeeny.” Sounds like Patrick needs to invest in a penis pump.

Source - Image: Egotastic!

A longer and more spoiler-ey "Sex and the City" trailer came out today. Basically, it has all the ingredients to get every woman and gay in the world to see it. It has a wedding, topless dudes, girly songs filled with empowerment and cymbal sounds in just the right places.

The real star of this movie is Charlotte's Asian daughter. That girl looks like she doesn't take any shit. I wanted her to spit at Carrie at the end of the trailer and say, "Shut up, you bitter old hag!"

I'm probably going to get "carried away" come May. Why oh why can't I turn off the gay urge for things like this! I hear cymbals and I see shiny things and I want. I want.

After I watched the trailer for "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Bengay" I already feel like I have seen the entire movie. I do love seeing Harrison Ford run through a warehouse. I was sitting there waiting for his hip to give out. He should have used a walker. Cate Blanchett is totally channeling Katie Holmes with that haircut or is it the other way around.

That being said, I'll be one of the millions of dumb fucks that will drop $12 on this shit opening weekend.

And where the fuck is the meth skull in the trailer? I was waiting for it!

The strike is soooooo close to being over. Good, because I need more "Dirty Sexy Money." WGA Presidents sent out an e-mail early this morning to members saying that a tentative deal has been reached with the AMPTP. The deal will be presented to members in meetings today in NYC and Los Angeles. Writers could go back to work by Monday!

The WGA President wrote, "It is an agreement that protects a future in which the Internet becomes the primary means of both content creation and delivery. It creates formulas for revenue-based residuals in new media, provides access to deals and financial data to help us evaluate and enforce those formulas, and establishes the principle that, ‘When they get paid, we get paid.’ “

Uh huh....smart people lingo. Just make everyone happy and give us more TV! I am so sick of watching "American Gladiators" and "The Biggest Loser Couples." I can't take it anymore. I need my scripted trash back!

Source: Variety

"Nightmare on Elm Street" is getting butchered. Variety reports that Michael Bay is currently putting together a remake of the classic horror film. This isn't a sequel or prequel, it's a straight-up remake. Just like the recent Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They are aiming for a May start.

It's unlikely that the original Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund, will return. They will most likely cast somebody else in the role. Can I recommend Joan Van Ark? No mask needed!

They better bring back Heather Langenkamp! She's probably like 60 now, but her career needs to be resurrected!

This movie will suck hedgehog nuts, but it will most likely makes tons of dough. People will see fucking anything. Me included.