Ashley Judd

After months and months of Ashley Judd teasing that she might run for Senate in her home state of Kentucky, she tweeted a today that she's not running and if you want to see her in a political role, go see her as First Lady in that Olympus Has Fallen mess. My fourth favorite Judd (after Naomi, Wynonna and Judd Nelson) wrote this:

Dear Friends,

Thank you for these months of remarkable support & encouragement, for your voices, exhortations, & prayers. I have decided. After serious and thorough contemplation, I realize that my responsibilities & energy at this time need to be focused on my family. Regretfully, I am currently unable to consider a campaign for the Senate. I have spoken to so many Kentuckians over these last few months who expressed their desire for a fighter for the people & new leader. While that won't be me at this time, I will continue to work as hard as I can to ensure the needs of Kentucky families are met by returning this Senate seat to whom it rightfully belongs: the people & their needs, dreams, and great potential. Thanks for even considering me as that person & know how much I love our Commonwealth. Thank you! Thank you for the outpouring of good wishes. Thanks for having so much confidence both in me & that we could work together.

Ashley Judd is separated from her hot piece of a husband and she doesn't have any kids, so I'm guessing that by "focused on my family" she means that she's going to tell her inner thoughts to her therapy dog and get drunk in the front row at Dancing in the Has-Beens while watching Wynonna Judd. (Actually, all that sounds better than running for Senate.)

Everything I know about the Fifth Amendment, I learned from Double Jeopardy, so Ashley Judd can continue to educate the masses about important politics stuff through her movies.

The picture above was taken at the Emmys in September, so you'd think that Ashley Judd's husband Dario Franchitti would've immediately filed papers to legally quit her ass after she forced him to pose next to her while she's got a cone of hair sitting on top of her head. Wearing your hair like that is only okay if you're trying to smuggle a file to a prison inmate or if you're trying to smuggle tiny bottles of booze into a 15-hour-long Emmy ceremony. (That's probably what Ashley is doing here, which explains why Dario is okay with it).

 Dario and Ashley didn't file for divorce then (reason. irreconcilable differences over her ugly ass hairstyle), but they're breaking up now. Dario and Ashley issued a statement to People yesterday saying that after 11 years of looking at each other's faces every day, they're sick of looking at each other's faces:

"We have mutually decided to end our marriage. We'll always be family and continue to cherish our relationship based on the special love, integrity, and respect we have always enjoyed."

Ashley and Dario got married in Scotland in 2001 after 2 years of being engaged. And now Ashley has more time to either shoot a sequel to my favorite shit show Eye of the Beholder or plan her run for Senator of Kentucky.

And my thoughts are with Ashley's therapy dog during this highly difficult time.

It's a difficult time, because Ashley's dog no longer gets to lick Dario's glorious furry leech brows first thing in the morning.

Ashley Judd was on Canada's The Marilyn Denis Show the other day to talk about her Double Jeopardy/Not Without My Daughter TV knock-off called Missing and some hos (read: Radar and The Daily Mail) think she Naomi Judd-ed up her face by filling her cheeks with a Phoebe Price special. Dr. Anthony Youn, a plastic surgeon, put his eyeballs on these pictures of Ashley and told Radar that in his professional opinion, she done knocked her face up with fillers:

“Ashley Judd's wrinkles are Missing. I am flabbergasted that she appears to have changed her face like this. I suspect that she's had a good dose of Botox in her forehead to smooth it and injections of fat into her cheeks to plump them up. Ten years ago Ashley had some of the best cheeks in the business. Unfortunately, now they look too puffy. Hopefully they're swollen from a recent treatment and will settle down soon."

Best cheeks in the business?! First of all, if Dr. Youn is talking about the ho stroll business, then I am flabbergasted (FLABBERGASTED, I tell you!) by his words since that title has always belonged to Chicken Cutlets. Second of all, if Dr. Youn is talking about show business, then I am still flabbergasted by his words since that title has always belonged to John Travolta. Ten thousand cum shots to his ass cheeks don't lie.

And about Ashley's face, I don't know. I still see wrinkles. Yes, her cheeks look like my nalgas after having an allergic reaction to shrimp lube, but that could be from anything. It could be bloat from meds. It could be a little weight gain. I still see Ashley Judd when I look at these pictures of Ashley Judd. Now, moving on to more important topics like Ashley's DOG FRIEND!

I read somewhere that Ashley's dog Buttermilk is a certified service dog, because he helps her with her anxiety attacks or depression or something. To which I say, how do I get my dog certified as a certified service dog?! I need this, especially on planes. Not because he soothes my anxiety or anything. But because I need someone to watch my carry-on while I yell at a whore for acting the fool.

Just like Uma Thurman and Nicole Kidman before her, Ashley Judd showed up to her book (Which I hear is a feel good read about her awful childhood, battle with depression, sexual abuse and hate of Diddy! Her "hate of Diddy" is the feel good part.) signing at Barnes & Noble in NYC today looking like she just stuck half of her face in the bottom of Lindsay Lohan's purse. Flourface (or cokeface depending on the face) is a real epidemic that affects all actress. You know, if I was Ashley I'd be pissed. But only because if I'm going to look like I've been baking and throwing around flour in an old timey kitchen like a vaudeville comedian, I'd at least want some delicious cupcakes or some shit to show for it. Ashley's make-up artist definitely owes her some cupcakes.