Katie Couric

I don't know if I want this story about Sarah Palin co-hosting Today on Tuesday to be a tardy-to-the-party April Fool's joke or if I want it be a truth! I'm more than leaning toward the latter, because this could be foolery wrapped in magic wrapped in the spit that will fly out of my mouth while laughing at Joel McHale shading this on The Soup. They should just put Sarah Palin, Kathie Lee Gifford and a box of wine in a studio together and give us enough time to put on a yellow plastic poncho to protect us from all the fuckery that will fly through the screen. TRUE: I hope this comes!

via Mediabistro

The Alaskan wilderness better go on high alert, because this news is going to make Sarah Palin want to hump a moose (before she shoots it in the face, of course). Katie Couric gave People the news that is shocking to absolutely no one.

"I have decided to step down from the CBS Evening News. "I'm really proud of the talented team on the CBS Evening News and the award-winning work we've been able to do in the past five years in addition to the reporting I've done for 60 Minutes and CBS Sunday Morning. In making the decision to move on, I know the Evening News will be in great hands, but I am excited about the future.

I am looking at a format that will allow me to engage in more multi-dimensional storytelling. The bottom line is that I love doing all kinds of different stories. I have a lot of areas of interest and I want to be able to fulfill all of that."

CBS has yet to announce Katie's replacement, but airing the final season of the Shiba Inu Cam instead of the Nightly News wouldn't be a bad move. Or they could just air this GIF on a continuous loop.

Yeah, do that.

Katie Couric and CBS have been trying to quit each other for I don't know how long, but the Associated Press says it's happening for real this time and she will slide off of her chair at the CBS Evening News for good when her contract expires this June. This has become the longest goodbye ever. It's like Les Moonves tells Katie to get the hell out, and as she packs her shit, he's reminded of her sweet "birthing out a fart, farting out a baby" (see above) moves and asks her to stay. If only Katie did her dance of the seven tequila shots during her show, I might watch (no, I wouldn't).

A spokeswhore for CBS and one of Katie's reps confirms that they are in contract negotiations. They wouldn't confirm or deny the rumors that she's standing by the exit door. Katie, who was the first woman to anchor a nightly newscast, is apparently going to leave CBS News to host her own syndicated show next year. TMZ stuck their head into this story and added that anchoring the news has made her cagey and she's in talks with CNN, CBS and NBC for her own talk show. CBS is expected to make some kind of announcement in the next couple of weeks.

No word yet on possible replacements, but let me just throw something out there. Mah Boo Anderson Cooper is only on TV a few hours a week. We as a people haven't reached our full potential until we can get a serving of Mah Boo at any hour of the day and night. Until humanity can truthfully say the statement "24 hours of Mah Boo," we have failed. So CBS needs to think about that. Mah Boo giggling on a loop for 30 minutes is a show we all need!