The CAPTION THIS Contest

(Thanks Dan)

Tracy Morgan was so broke after his ex-wife cleaned him out, he consulted the Federline manual for making a quick fortune and went straight to work. - atterlym

Runners-up:

After making the first recipe in the new book "Cooking with Coolio" I suspect he drew inspiration from Drunk Ass Sandra Lee's "Semi-Homeade" cooking - sarabod

OrangeTip4u: Rejected by e-Harmony - RecessVillain

In another Hennessy moment, Kanye interrupts Britney to fuck her snack food. - jazzfish_77

(Thanks Lauren)

Not many women can be motorboated bow and stern. - loozer

Runners-up:

Congratulations to this year's winner of the World's Most Stressed Out String contest. 1st Runner Up: Coco's pink bikini. - LizzieBitch

The elusive fifth base. - freebird

Not content with being fat all by herself, Mariah Carey decided to start overfeeding her pet butterfly. - Ashton Cruz

via People of Walmart (Thanks to everyone who sent this in)

They were once homeless and abandoned, but Joan Rivers' face scraps pulled themselves together and got a job at the diner. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

How to make your Muslim roommate keep his damn hands off your peanut-butter. - TexnDoc

Bartender! I'd like to buy another rind! - suze

RazorbackBucks: Every order comes with complimentary defibrillator. - loozer

via Digg

Unable to live with her rejection, Dopey goes Vanilla Sky on Snow White's ass. - stinky

Runners-up:

Next year, the Heenes will let Disney sponsor the Balloon Boy anniversary. - Captain Who-Who

When the studio saw this, there was no way in hell Tommygirl would both star in AND direct "Top Gun". - TexnDoc

Magic purple hat? Check
Goggles? Check
Wheels down? Check
Pool Q's? Check
Bitch in the backseat, tellin me how to drive......
Priceless - Area 5150

(Thanks Chuck)

The redesigned Ed Hardy fashion line, keeping the essence of its clientele in mind. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

Rumor has it, Michelle accidentally bumped into Jim Bob in the checkout line of a Best Buy and #20 was conceived. - vermonster

First known case of the Dick Flu. - Not_That_Steph_The_Other_Steph

Not to be outdone by Playgirl's Levi Johnston issue, Playboy releases a sneak peek at their Aretha Franklin and Lady Caca spread. - ndawgg

via Picture is Unrelated (Thanks Jackie)

This explains why Octomom's old man has been going around singing,'She cums in colours everywhere.' - The Hoople

Runners-up:

You do NOT want to see the custom peanut m&m dispensers. Trust me. - Skinnymalinky

Leonardo da Vinci in his crystal meth period. - Dennerietskie

Everyone's skin reacts differently to Sevin Nyne. - OurMissC

via Break

At the new Japanese Dairy Queen Soft Serve Station, they're still trying to work out all the irregularities. - sketts

Runners-up:

If only they could see the four forty year old men with perfectly waxed asses having the time of their life on the other side of the wall. - moistiest

We secretly replaced Japan's Folger's crystals with assholes. Let's see if they notice.... - SavageLettuce

via Crewcial

In the Mexican version of Twilight, "Casi Noche", Eduardo and Bolita wash the blood of a chihuahua Eduardo brought for dinner, off together. i ES MUY MAJICO ! - Aphid

Runners-up:

Breaking News!!! Two leftover children have just emerged from Octomom's vagina - nono

First look at JLo sextape - Flatbush Hooker IS BACK

We don't want to know what Dora is exploring today. - cs182

VIA WOW Report

Hands and utensils everywhere breathed a sigh of relief with the invention of the Kirstie Alley Feed-O-Matic made from 100% titanium. - suze

Runners-up:

Why is he sucking Heather Mills toes? - El Bastardo

It turns out that the DNA tests performed by the Maury Povich Show were a bit unorthodox. - loozer

If you need help with your gag reflex you can just visit a Pam Anderson fashion show. - freebird

(Thanks John)