Mariah Carey

Mimi rolled into London early this morning and created chaos outside her hotel. She wouldn't have it another way. Mimi fans and paparazzi crowded the outside of the hotel and some of Mimi's guards started knocking paps around. Where the fuck did she get the flowers? She probably carries a bouquet around with her, so she feels and looks special.

Mimi's in town to whore out "Touch My Body" and do a signing at Selfridges today. Sources told Metro that Mimi has made a list of demands including a £5,000 table direct from Greenwich Village in New York, special Fiji water, Trident gum and a special shipment of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Sources also claim that Mimi's staff has to tell her she looks beautiful every morning. Professional liars. What's the point of paying someone to tell you how gorgeous you are? You know they are lying to you!

Basically, Mimi wants America brought to her. She's going to be pissed off when she finds out they brought her water from Fiji instead of the Fiji brand water.

Mimi gave a telephone interview to BBC Radio 1's Reggie Yates yesterday where they talked about everything from Will Ferrell to well....Will Ferrell. Apparently, Mimi is a major Will Ferrell fan. She calls herself a major WF fan, but the bitch couldn't quote anything from "Anchorman." Pff!

Anyway, during the interview Reggie says, "You've sold over 80 million albums worldwide..." Mimi stops him and says, "Is that the right quote?" She says she's going to go ask someone and the line goes dead. Reggie seems to think he hung up on her. I seem to think that Mimi doesn't know how to work phones. She can't be bothered with petty things like that! She's too busy thinking about rainbows, unicorns and spending hours trying to grease herself into dresses that are 5 sizes too small. Telephones are for the little lambs.

The truth is she's sold close to 160 million albums worldwide. Darling!

Below is the audio of Mimi doing her best Britney British accent during that BBC interview and also some pics of her hamming it up in Paris.

Airbrushed in a wind tunnel! This is the cover for Mimi's latest album due out in April. I'm not sure if that's a dress or if she's clutching the hyde of the Shaggy Dog. Mimi may be ok with posing nude with a dead dog, but don't call her a slut!

She told the Times of London (via P6) that she's never fucked Eminem, "Please! I never had any type of sexual relationship with that man. I can count the number of people I've had sex with on fewer than the fingers on one hand." Who's hand is she talking about? Lindsay Lohan's hand? Because she has 10 fingers on one hand.

I can count the number of people I've had sex with on fewer than the fingers on one hand...plus the number of teeth in my mouth....multiplied by the number of eyes in my head.......

Mimi performed on Saturday Night Live last night and by "performed" I mean she stood there and lip-synched. Don't get me wrong, this bitch is amazing to watch. She only performs from the waist up and her arms do not stop moving. It's like a lamb seizure. At first I thought she was performing sign language. Every time she mouthed "touch my body" she touched her body. Brilliant!

Mimi also performed some song called "Migrate." I hope that song migrates its ass off the final version of her new album, because it blows.

Source: ALi's Blog

Janet Jackson is laid up in the hospital dying of the flu, so she can't get on a plane to NYC and perform on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Lazy! Mimi will save the day. She will take Janet's place this Saturday reports UsWeekly. Mimi hasn't been on the show for 10 years.

Mimi is not sloppy seconds. Janet would have just jumped around in some latex nightmare and instead Mimi will bounce around in some lycra nightmare. See the difference? Mimi's going through her 10-room closet as we speak looking for the perfect mini-tank dress and hoochie heels.

The only way they could make her appearance even better is if she played Mary Carey in a "Celebrity Rehab" skit. Get on it, SNL writers!

Here's Mimi working the streets of NYC yesterday.

I take it back. They didn't use Photoshop on this shit, because I doubt Mimi even posed for this. It looks like they took one of those Barbie styling heads, threw some make-up on it, shot it and slapped it on the cover.

Source: MariahDaily

Oh how I love a 38-year-old woman dressing like she's in High School. It's always going to be skin-tight jeans, unicorns, butterflies, lambs and ho shoes for Mimi. I must get used to this. She's totally wearing those shoes wrong though. Those kind of shoes need to be worn with coochie cutters, a tube top and pig tails or they just make you look slutty! Learn how to keep it elegant, Mimi! Something also tells me that Mimi has totally put her order in for those moron heels.

Here's Mimi outside of MTV studios yesterday.

Here's the full video for Mimi's "Touch My Body" which co-stars the dude from "3o Rock." The video is a take on the reality show "Beauty and the Geek" which is sort of weird. While you're listening to the song, I dare you to only take a breath when Mimi takes a breath. You'll pass out before the middle of the video. Homegirl does not miss a beat. She has to sing through every damn note! There's no instrumental breaks in a Mimi song. Her amazing voice just won't have it. It must be heard.

I'm also impressed with the stylist of the video for finding that many skin-tight mini-dresses. Actually, he probably didn't work that hard. He just went through the 1990s section of Mimi's closet. The Crisco bill must have been through the roof trying to grease her ass into those things.

Mimi's newest song "Touch My Body" has landed. Earlier I said she probably sings this to her fried chicken dinner and that's exactly what I pictured when I heard this song. I pictured her slathering herself in coleslaw and mashed potatoes. I love Mimi, but I don't love this song. It sounds like any other song off of Butterfly, Rainbow, Daydream, Leprechauns, Green Golbins or whatever the hell she names those albums of hers.

Ok, Mimi...I'll touch you, but only because you dropped a little mayo on your arm. I love mayo.

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Thanks Jay

Mimi has announced that her next album will hit stores on April 15th. She's calling it She doesn't even know what that means! Neither do I, but that's besides the point. Her first single called "E=MC².Touch My Body" will debut on Chicago's B96 radio station at 4pm their time today. Click here for a stream of it. The video was directed by Brett Ratner and will premiere soon.

Mimi hopes that with her new album she will surpass the Beatles record of 20 #1 hits.

Touch my body? Nothing about butterflies or rainbows? I'm disappointed. I was hoping she would take it to the next level and start singing about unicorns in her next album. "Touch My Body" is probably what she sings to her fried chicken dinner every night.