Mariah Carey

Earlier, it was reported that Mimi had went and did a dumb thing by marrying Nick Cannon. Sources have confirmed to The New York Post that she is indeed married. Mimi's rep still hasn't confirmed. This is like Beyonce's wedding all over again.

A source close to Mimi said she married without a pre-nup, because "there wasn't time." The bitch can kiss her 3,000 square foot closet goodbye, because this marriage is not going to last. Another source said they have only been dating for one month. "They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks. And she's always had a crush on him."

When you have a crush on someone, you fuck them! You don't marry them. Shit, you don't even kiss them. That's too complicated. You get on, get off and get out!

The wedding was supposedly held at Mimi's home in the Bahamas yesterday.

She better have worn the dress above or else! Seriously, Mimi must be majorly dickmatized.

This shit needs to slooooow down. Latina.com is reporting that Mimi and Nick Cannon were married yesterday on some island. The source told them the wedding was intimate and "very impulsive." The wedding was attended by close friends including Da Brat.

Maybe she married Da Brat and not Nick Cannon. Da Brat is her real true love.

I'm going to pissed to hell if this is true. Mimi was supposed to give us a Barbie fairytale dream wedding and not some "intimate" affair on the beach. Eff that! She's not Jennifer Garner. She's fucking Mimi. There's nothing intimate or low-key about her.

She better have pulled out her pink feather pen and made Nick sign an ironclad prenup or she's more delusional than I thought.

I need proof and by "proof" I mean a picture of Mimi in a wedding dress made from pink cotton candy.

Image: Wireimage

Mimi wore what looked like to be an engagement ring to the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of "Tennessee" this past weekend and now Access Hollywood claims Nick Cannon gave her the ring. A source confirmed to them that 27-year-old Nick popped the question to 38-year-old Mimi.

Nick reportedly bought the ring for $2.5 million at Jacob & Company. That bitch can't afford that shit! Please, he bought that shit at Claire's in the Queens mall. Mimi better do the glass cut test on it.

This wedding will be a tacky organza mess. It will be like when you were little and your Barbie married Ken. Your mom never bought you the Barbie wedding dress, so you used organza napkins to make your own. Barbie came riding down the aisle on your little poodle's back. Ok, I'm totally talking about myself. Anyway, that's what Mimi's wedding will be like.

That being said, this wedding won't happen. Mimi should marry a Russian billionaire who will buy her a real life unicorn and pay to have a species of butterfly named after her. Nick Cannon doesn't deserve her crazy ass.

Mimi attended the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of "Tennessee" last night and she wore a ring on her engagement finger! She's totally engaged to her one true love....herself! I wish she was engaged. 2008 really needs a Mimi wedding. It would be the dream wedding of a 9-year-old girl. Mimi would come in on a unicorn, her bridesmaids would be dressed like butterflies and her groom would be a lamb.

Mimi not only wore what looked like an engagement ring, but she also wore pants! Pants! I had to wipe the hangover from my eyes a bit, because her legs are covered. She's not wearing a ho dress! It's a little unsettling.

Da Brat also attended last night. Mimi totally made her show up. Mimi told Da Brat that if she showed up, she can smell Mimi's dirty panties later. Patrick Stewart also looked shocked that Mimi wasn't wearing a ho dress. And Zoe Kravitz looks like the saddest girl in the room. She's starting to look like a little orphan child.

Electrocute her ass! Mimi turned on the lights to the Empire State Building in NYC today to promote her new album. From April 25 to the 27, the building will be lavender, pink and white in her honor. She's probably creaming lamb juice over this.

How many hooker dresses can one ho have? Seriously. She has the same dress in ten thousand colors and fabrics.

These pictures of Mimi flipping the switch reminds me of that video from the 90s of the Brazilian TV reporter getting electrocuted by grapes! Click here if you haven't seen it. Don't worry! He didn't die....I think. No, he didn't die. I googled it.

There's definitely a massacre going down at Good Morning America right now. Mimi performed this morning and that shit didn't go well. During "Touch My Body," the back-up track started too soon and Mimi tried to sing her way through it, but you can tell she was boiling inside.

And then about 3 minutes into the performance, one of the back-up singers starts singing her part. Mimi turns to her and sings "Stop singing my paaaarttt...now babbbby..." I hope the back-up singer has made peace with God, because it's over for her.

Somebody has to find out the back-up singer's name! She is the hottest bitch in history, because she has a habit of doing that shit. She also did it during Mimi's American Idol performance.

Visit ONTD to see video of Mimi's two other performances on GMA. She snapped at Diane Sawyer before "Bye Bye." I really hope someone got footage of Mimi's tirade backstage. You know she swallowed three boxes of Twinkies and then ate the bitch who started the track too early.

Below is "Touch My Body." Skip to 3 minutes to see Mimi telling her back-up singer what's what.

Mimi was on Oprah today to talk about her new album, but they mostly talked about her new body.

Mimi took us inside her 10 million square foot NYC apartment to show us how she lost the weight through diet and exercise. My bony ass! If she wanted to show us how she really lost the weight, she needed to take us deep inside the plastic surgery office. Diet and exercise only works if you're on "The Biggest Loser" and I still have my doubts about that show. I bet they only feed them lemon wedges, ice chips and Trident gum.

Mimi said her jean size "went down to my 10th grade size." Come on Mimi! You can do better. Get your jean size down to your IQ.

Anyways, Mimi also took us inside her lingerie closet. Yes, she has a closet only devoted to her lingerie. Embarrassing right? I'm sure most of you have one closet for your panties and one for your bras. She puts them in the same closet. BROKE ASS! Clip is above.

Mimi is still ravaging London with her outrageous diva demands! In honor of this, The Daily Mail has done a rundown of Mimi's past and present crazy demands. Here's just some of them:

She has 11 bodyguards surround her table in restaurants, so people can't see her eat
She booked every penthouse in Claridge's hotel, so she can have ultimate privacy
She insisted they install a $20,000 gym next to her penthouse suite
She keeps 20 humidifiers around her bed
She won't wear flat shoes ever! She said, "My feet repel them."
She likes being carried around, because wearing high heels all the time hurts her feet
She doesn't have a Birthday, "Honestly, I don't even have birthdays. I call them anniversaries."
She will never use public transportation again, "I've already been on the bus I don't need to go back on the bus."
She insists her dogs travel by private plane or private car only

Strangely enough, I don't have a problem with any of this. If I was her, I would probably want all that shit to! Hell, I would travel everywhere in an oxygen tank, so I wouldn't have to breathe the same air as the rest of the peons around me. Mimi needs to step it up!

Here's Mimi doing the fart shimmy while signing autographs in London last night.

I almost dropped my Eggo waffle when I read this shit in Metro this morning:

Pixie Geldof will certainly be hanging out for her 18th birthday later this year, following public humiliation when she was rejected from an 'Excuse My Beauty' party staged for Mariah Carey last night.

Screw Pixie! An "Excuse My Beauty" party?! Party of the millennium for the title alone. This is a sign that I must throw a party called the "I Like Tans On My Legs Not On My Face" party. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, watch the clip below. Steven from "Cops" will change your life.

Oh and here's Mimi leaving her hotel in London yesterday. I think she owns that jacket in ten million colors.

Mimi scored her 18th No.1 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week with "Touch My Body." She has flown like a gorgeous butterfly past Elvis Presley and is now in second place with the most No. 1s. Mimi's album "E=MC2" comes out this month, so she could produce enough No.1 singles to knock The Beatles from the spot. They currently have 20 No.1s.

I will be severely disappointed with her butterfly majesty if she isn't on the clam with Heather Mills right now. Heather is crazy enough to help Mimi trump The Beatles! Heather will use all her McCartney divorce money to buy every Mimi single and pay for radio play. Heather wants to take Paul's woman, money, career and awards! She's like a Dynasty character.

Here's Mimi mingling with the peasant folk in London yesterday. Mimi's intense glamour is so hard on her body that she can barely stand without help from the peons around her.