Real People

A group of middle-aged moms put together this scintillating calendar of themselves to raise money for their children's tiny, rural school. The 7 women took a tongue-in-cheek approach by posing with tinsel around their privates and covering themselves with umbrellas and other shit like that.

The calendar came out in November 2006 and it looked like it was going to be a big hit. However, this didn't happen. There was a problem with the distributor and the calendar never made the Christmas rush. After that, they couldn't sell the $8 calendar. Now they owe $16,000 to the printer. Well, shit!

One of the women said, "The sad part for us is figuring out what to do with them because it is not something you can recycle." The school they wanted to help only has one room, one teacher and 7 kids spanning 4 grades. They wanted to build a rec center, because things are cramped. They said the government has basically forgotten about the school.

Naturally, the next thing to do is a porn tape. It's cheap, easy and they can upload it onto the internet. Spanish MILFs gone wild! They can even use the fox pelt as a prop.

I need to know where I can buy this avante-garde shit! I'll buy enough copies to wallpaper my entire bathroom.

These sad broads all have looks on their faces like, "Why did I have kids?"

27-year-old Jeremy McIntosh was arrested in Commerce Township, MI after he repeatedly crashed his car into a lingerie store that refused to hire him. The lingerie shop, Intimate Ideas, claims damage is estimated at $3,000. The store had it coming!

The cops say Jeremy was wearing make-up, blue capri pants, red flip-flops, a flowery blouse and a flowery bra. Blue capris and red flip-flops?! Eeesh. What Jeremy really needed was a wig. That hair is not cutting it. No wonder they didn't want to hire him! He looks like Amelia Earhart and that is not the look of the season.

Jeremy told the police he is homeless and wanted to go to jail. And I'm sure the other jail birds just loved his ass. Literally loved his ass. A few times.

Chris Crocker, this is your future.

Source

Thanks Steve

Things are looking up for Dede Koswara after doctors removed nearly 4lbs of bark from his body. For nearly 20 years, Dede's body has been covered in warts and tree-like growths. When he was 15, he cut his leg and a small wart developed there. The wart soon spread all over his body. He has been dubbed the "The Tree Man of Java."

Dede spoke to the Telegraph from an Indonesian hospital about how he's looking forward to finding a job and getting married. He's not able to hold a pen for the first time in a long time. He said, "What I really want first is to get better and find a job. But then, one day, who knows? I might meet a girl and get married." Jennifer Aniston, here's your man! Naw, I would never do that to Dede.

His first wife left him after he was forced to leave his job and couldn't support her and his two children. Dede even joined a freak show for a short time to feed his kids.

Dede is expected to undergo two more surgeries in hopes of removing even more growths from his face, hands and feet.

Click here to see some pictures of Dede before the surgery. They seriously chopped off tons and tons of bark.

Thanks Marissa

Some parents might argue about things like what college their kid is going to go or what kind of extracurricular activities they are going to get involved in. Shit like that. Well, Joseph Manzanares and his girlfriend had an argument on which gang their 4-year-old son should join. Hey, at least they are thinking ahead. I hear those gang admissions are a bitch.

19-year-old Miguel was arrested after he showed up to his girlfriend's job at Hollywood Video and threatened to kill her ass. He also knocked down a few displays before running out of the store. He was later arrested at his home in Commerce City, CO.

The woman confessed to the cops that earlier in the day they were arguing about what gang their son should join. The teen mother, who is black, wants her little angel to belong to the Crips. While Miguel wants him to join the Westside Ballers gang.

You can't blame them for being caring parents. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go and continue my afternoon hobby of sewing up the vaginas of teen girls.

Source

Thanks Michaela

Meet 32-year-old Gordon Thompson from Plymouth in the UK. Gordon has been sent to the chokey for 3 years, because he jumped on his girlfriend's leg until it broke. She wanted him to do it. Yup, the dumb fuck's girlfriend asked him to break her leg, so that they could sue the council house (public housing) they lived in. Don't these morons know that never works!

The geniuses filmed the whole thing with a camera phone. Gordon's girlfriend wrapped herself in a duvet and laid face down on the floor. He propped up her leg using two bricks, one by her ankle and one by her knee. Gordon then jumped on her leg and it made a loud crunching noise. Everyone in the court room apparently gasped. Gordon and his girlfriend told the council she broke it by her garden wall falling. She should have told them evil gnomes that live in the garden wall did it. That would have been more believable.

The morons got caught, because the police were called to the house on a drug warrant. They seized several things included the cell phone. It's then that they found the footage and an incomplete insurance form.

When asked why he did it, Gordon said, ''I did break her leg, but only because she had kept on and on at me for days to do it. I only jumped on her leg to shut her up.''

Click here to see blurry stills of the incident.

Two teenage boys from Pennsauken High School in New Jersey were arrested after a teacher found a hit list the boys made. Get this shit. Chuck Norris was one of the people on the list. Police said the list also contained the names of 3 students and a staff member. The boys claim it was just a joke. NO! You don't joke about killing Chuck Norris. You really don't. Here are some Chuck Norris Facts to prove that you don't eff with him:

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

What the hell was The Norris doing on that list anyway? "Walker, Texas Ranger" was a shitty show, but you don't have to kill anyone for it.

I seriously don't even know what's going on in this world anymore. Our world is turning into the Lord of the Flies. Our modern teenagers are going crazy. I watched that video yesterday of the 6 girls in Florida who beat down that 1 girl and wanted to put it on YouTube and it just kind of got to me. I mean, when I was that age, we were making sex tapes not beat down tapes! Make love not war.

It's time to put an end to reproduction. Seriously. No more.

Thanks Kelly

I just felt like I sat through a really strange, but hot biology class. Thomas Beatie aka the pregnant man was on Oprah today to discuss...well...the fact that he's a pregnant transman! The audience was shocked when Oprah announced that Thomas was knocked up. I don't know why! I've seen manlier woman. I mean...have you seen Chastity Bono lately? Speaking of, Thomas' wife has that total power lesbo look down. You can tell she wears the pants in the family. That's why he's the one carrying the baby. She's too manly for that shit!

So basically, this is what I learned:

Thomas' clit is like a mini-dick (like Chyna Doll's)
Thomas got pregnant through a donor...DUH
Thomas had his breasts removed...DOUBLE DUH
Thomas' baby is healthy
Thomas doesn't have a peen
Thomas' power lesbo wife has two daughters from a previous dude
Thomas' dad is not into him being a dude or being knocked up
Thomas is kind of hot and I'd totally hit it. Not pregnant Thomas! Although, that might be kind of freaky sexy.

I can't wait for TyTy's broke version of this. She's going to go undercover as a pregnant man to see what it's really like. She's going to cry and say it was the hardest time in her life. She's probably holding a meeting about it now.

Oh and I also learned that Thomas used to be a really gorgeous ass chick.....

Here's a clip from the show of Thomas and his wife going in for their ultrasound. I swear I thought their doctor was Linda Tripp for a minute.

You can also see clips of the entire episode here.

17-year-old Chloe Marshall will be the first size 16 beauty queen to compete in Miss England. Chloe showed off the bikini she will wear for the pageant in July in the new Hello Magazine (via Daily Mail).

Chloe told the magazine that she's completely comfortable going out onstage wearing practically nothing, "It's what I was born to do – posing for the camera. And as I keep saying, I love my body. People seem desperate to get me to say that I don't, that deep down I'm not happy and would rather be thin, but the fact is I wouldn't change myself at all. Do I have fat days? Of course, but what woman doesn't!" Isn't every day a fat day for Chloe? Just saying!

She said that most of the public's response has been positive, but she has heard some people say that she's promoting obesity. She said, "I'm a size 16, I eat well, I exercise regularly – I jog, swim, and work out with weights. What I am promoting is a healthy girl who looks after herself and doesn't try to force her body to be something its not."

She is one brave bitch. I wish this kind of shit would happen here. Hell, half of the women in America look like that! It doesn't make sense that our beauty pageants our filled with tanorexic, bleached blonde dimwits! Chloe for Miss England!

I was scanning the comments on the Daily Mail to see how many people were going to call her a fat slob (basically everyone), but this comment jumped out at me.

"who wears a tiara in the swimming pool, anyway?"

Ha! Couldn't have put it better myself.

Vivica Fox, Nicole Kidman and Meg Ryan take note. This could be you if times get tough.

Meet the youthful Lisa Ann Martini of Sparks, NV. The 49-year-old was arrested on Wednesday after she allegedly ran out on paying for her botox injections.

Lisa Ann is no stranger to the inject and run. Police say they are aware of two other instances where she skipped out without paying a total of $3,500. She's also not alone. Police are looking for another "Botox Bandit" in the area. Lisa is currently sitting in jail, because the bitch couldn't pay her $15,000 bail. DUH! If she had $15,000, it would be in her face.

Reno Sgt. Jeff Freelove said that Lisa Ann would give the offices a bunk ass credit card when it came time to pay. When the card wouldn't go through, she told them she had to go out to her car to get some money. And you know the rest.....

Lisa Ann Martini and Sgt. Freelove?! These two need to get on the same team and join a 70s folks revival brand. Their names are begging them to do it.

Lisa Ann looks like the broken condom love child of Heidi Fleiss and Mickey Rourke. She definitely needed those botox injections, so I'm not going to hate on her for doing whatever it takes. A fug's gotta do what a fug's gotta do.

I would love to see this hot bitch getting into her 1982 Datsun 280ZX and laughing about how she just fooled their asses. Well, she probably couldn't "laugh" about it, because her face was fucking frozen. She gently smiled about it.

Who knew that botox was like crack?! Pretty soon, all these suburban woman will be frequenting back alleys jonseing for their next botox fix. They will gather in botox houses where they will lay around injecting each other while watching Dr. 90210.

Thanks Gina Latina

40-year-old Art Price of Bellevue, Ohio was arrested for fucking his picnic table. The dude was doing sexy times with a damn picnic table! Remember the man who was arrested for fucking a bicycle? I understand that, because bicycles can be sexy. There's nothing sexy about a picnic table.

Art was seen by neighbors on 4 different occasions fucking his picnic table, always between 10:30 a.m. and noon. Mid-morning delight! One neighbor even videotaped it and turned the tape over to police. The Bellevue police caption said, "The first video we had, he was completely nude." That must have been an exciting day down at the police station. They all gathered around, passed the donuts and laughed their fat asses off.

Police think he was fucking the umbrella hole in the table. I hope that for Art's sake the table was made out of plastic and not wood. Splinter dick can't be pleasant.

I will never look at a picnic table the same way again. I always thought they were so innocent and only their to provide wholesome fun. But now I know what brazen hussies they really are.

Source

Thanks Ash