Jared Leto

And this time I mean it in a good way. Jared Leto is 37-years-old and dude looks like he still gets carded for cigarettes in most states. Yes, he's wearing one of Johnny Depp's old ensembles from 21 Jump Street and he's trying to summon the unicorns with his "Ode to the Magical Forest" hair, but I don't mind it. I also don't mind that he looks he should be hooked up to an IV full of Ensure. If we were both on Survivor, we could rub our twig legs together to start a fire and save the entire tribe!

Here's Peter Pan Catalano with his bandmates in Los Angeles yesterday.

And by that I mean he put a little sugar in her collection cup. Quween on the Scene deserves every last crisp dollar from Jared Leto, because protecting his precious cardigan from the posarassi is not an easy job. You have to pay up.

I love how Quween is eyeballing his wad of cash. She knows dude has My So-Called Life residuals coming in. Quween always does her research.

By the way, I'm still mad at Quween that her white socks are whiter than mine. Quween must scare away the dirt!

When Zac Efron flips his precious head, glitter will no longer gently float off of his locks. When Chace Crawford runs his fingers through his hair, the unicorns will no longer faint. That's because they both cut off their twink bangs! As did Jared Leto! Because of this, Gatecrasher thinks it's the end of an era. Ellen Degeneres, the scissors are in your court.

Pfft. Honestly, this ain't gonna last. When Zac Efron opens his eyes in the morning and doesn't see his luscious golden power bottom bangs lying on the pillow, his glazed donut hole probably crumbs a little bit in sadness. Mark my words, Zac's bangs will be back!

Oh and Tommy Girl shouldn't go crying in the corner, because man banging is still in. Now and forever. It's a classic.

For a while there, Jared Leto was looking like a member of the most broke ass Nirvana cover band of all-time. Jared probably got sick of Courtney Love chasing after him while shouting about FRAUD and the evil doers at AMEX, because he finally took a Flowbee to his hair! The return of Jordan Catalano! May our fuck holes unite in song: HALLELUJAHZ!

Is it just me or does Jared's hair look like the spawn of Kate Gosselin's rabid possum in certain angles? YES! That's one way to keep Jon Gosselin from humping your back in a dimly lit bar.

Here's Jared trolling Malibu the other day with Heidi Montag's former fake boss Brent Bolthouse. Why do I know this piece of utterly useless information? Weep for me.

When I first heard Amy Wino was going to shower her meth loogies all over Coachella, I was more than willing to fry my ass lips off to get a glimpse of her heroin shake. Then it was announced that America wouldn't let her in, so I put my coochie cutters away. And look at everything I missed!

I mean, I could have witnessed The Hoff doing gross mouth things with some kind of creature who may still have a nutsack dangling down below. Also, I could have marveled at Kate Bosworth attempting to eat a piece of pizza, but not quite getting it. Methinks the skinny bitch forgot how to swallow. Even Reese Witherspoon and her main homegirl were there drinking out of coconuts! Well, I think just Reese was. Jakey knew it was kind of cliche for him to be sucking milky liquid out of a long tube.

But for those of us that didn't go, it's a good fucking thing, because that skankwhoreuglytrampbitchcunt Wonky McValtrex was there to put the HELL in Coachella. Those poor fools who were within a 2-mile radius of Wonky engaging in illegal acts (i.e. tongue fucking her dildo boyfriend) better take a trip down to the free clinic before their pores start leaking toxic pussy fluids.

Here's more celebwhores at Coachella yesterday including Kristin Cavawhogivesafuck, Tara Reid, Evan Rachel Wood's doppelganger and the ghost of Kurt Cobain.

Because she'll do it again!

Jared Leto strolled into the Calvin Klein show in NYC looking like a glass of Cobain with a splash of Brad Pitt circa Legend of the Fall and a sprinkle of JT Leroy. Bitch needs to stop fighting the hot and wash away the peroxide to uncover the Jordan Catalano beneath all that shit. The Jordan Catalano we all tickled our nipples to.

And you know Kanye West really thought he was posing with Kurt Cobain. Kanye is so GREAT that Kurt Cobain will rise from the dead just to pose with the voice of this generation. We won't burst his ego bubble. We'll let Kanye be great!

"Chapter 27" was shot a long ass time ago, but it will finally see the light of day on March 28th. No, it's not going straight to DVD, but it is only opening in NYC. It will open a week later in Los Angeles. Jared Leto gained a whole Olsen to play John Lennon's murderer. This is what people need to do nowadays to win Oscars. It's only going to get more insane. Jennifer Garner is totally going to cut off one of her legs to play Heather Mills just so she can get a fucking nomination.

The movie also stars Lindsay Lohan. Yup, that basically means it's going to suck. Here's the trailer below in case you missed it.

Lindsay Lohan needs new people and by "new people" I mean a new mom. I'm sure White Oprah is the one that convinced HoHan to star in this piece of shit. Actually, it was probably Jared Leto's new fat dick that convinced her the old-fashioned way. Here's the trailer for "Chapter 27" which was shot like 50 years ago, but is coming out later this month. It's the movie where Jared Leto got really fat in hopes of winning in Oscar. He'll be lucky if he wins a Razzie. He plays the dude that shot John Lennon and Lindsay Lohan plays...well...it looks like she plays Lindsay Lohan.

Eff this movie. Let's get back to the topic of fat dick. When a dude gets fat, does his dick get fatter or smaller? Questions like this always keep me awake at night.

Oh and this movie should go straight to the $1 theater.

Source: BWE

I just love a dude who's comfortable enough with his masculinity to sit with his legs crossed. Whenever I do that, I look like Posh Beckham sitting front row at a Paris fashion show. Although sometimes my legs can't help it and they must be crossed. Maybe it's my nutsack telling my body they want a little hug. A nutsack hug.

Here's Jared Leto lunching with a hot bitch at Joan's on Third yesterday. I love those little Easter bunnies in the window. I fucking love Easter, because it's the gayest holiday ever.

What is the point of that anorexic scarf? Isn't it fucking freezing in Utah? Jared Leto obviously doesn't care about keeping warm. He's too busy perfecting his total douche look. The anorexic scarf goes better with his Hot Topic coat. He used to be so hot.

He's such a douche now. I can smell his Cool Water by Davidoff cologne from here.

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