Brawls

It's Day 3 (or 4) of the Batman Brawl, and now it's been claimed that the family fight was over cash money. The Sun reports that his mommy and sissy asked for $200,000 to help raise his sissy's three kiddies. Christian doesn't have the best relationship with his mommy or sissy, so this came out of nowhere. When Christian turned them down, the two bitches went crazy.

Okay, as I'm writing this up, Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda are talking about this same story on "Today." Kathie just said, "She apparently asked for a $200,000 loan. I would throw my mother down the steps if she did that. I'm only kidding!" No, she's not. And you know her mother is lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg, screaming, "No, she's not kidding!!!"

Anyway, the fight got even more heated when Christian's mommy started insulting his wife. His mommy and sissy claimed he pushed and shoved at them. TMZ reports that a few tabloids have offered mommy and sissy a ton of cash for their story. It's just a matter of time before we see their sad faces on the cover of every tabloid with the headline, "I love my son! Why did he hurt me?"

Christian and his wife attended the Barcelona premiere of "The Dark Knight" last night. They refused to talk to reporters. Is it just me or do they wear practically the same outfits to every premiere? They need to stop fighting with their family and go buy some damn clothes.

Batman was arrested yesterday for assaulting his mommy and everyone's got a story to tell about what he really happened on Sunday night. Christian Bale's mommy and sissy issued a statement saying they weren't going to talk about it. They said they didn't personally call the police, but they aren't going to give anymore statements because "it's a family matter."

The Daily Mail claims Christian completely flipped out on Sunday night after his mommy insulted his wifey. A source said, "Christian was stressed, but he didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, he flew off the handle and cussed his mother. He just got very loud because his mother was saying some very outrageous things about him, and his wife."

The source said that Christian's marriage is in trouble and his relationship with his mother sucks, so it just all came to a head that night. Christian has already denied the assault allegations.

TMZ also has a story about Christian freaking out on the set of "Terminator 4" last Friday. He apparently screamed at the cinematographer, "I will kick your ass." Meh.

Basically, Christian has a temper, his family might be annoying, they had a very loud argument, someone called the police, he was arrested, he was released and that's that. It just sounds like a typical episode of "Cops," but with British accents. So an extremely classy episode of "Cops."

Also, did you know his mommy used to be a clown? I'm not sure if that means anything or not, but now I picture her dressed as a sad clown during their entire argument.

Christian Bale has been released from jail after being questioned by police for more than four hours. Batman bailed out, but he has to return in September for more fun. Christian was arrested earlier today after his mommy and sissy filed an assault claim against him last night.

TMZ reports that Christian might have been arrested for verbally assaulting his mom. Apparently, in England there is such thing as Class 4 and 5 verbal assault. Class 4 is verbal assault with "an intent to cause alarm."

Fuckity fuck! You can get arrested for yelling at a bitch? If they have that shit here, I'm doomed. Death Row, here I come!

UPDATE: Christian's spokesbitch released this statement to People: "Christian Bale attended a London police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister. Mr. Bale who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police. At this time, there will be no further comment by Mr. Bale."

Why are dumb bitches still giving OmaGROSSA a platform for her fake foolishness? Yes, I'm at fault too. I'll dick slap myself later for posting this shit. Anyway, Wendy Williams had Omarosa on her talk show yesterday, and shit got heated right away.

OmaGROSSA was on to promote her book, "The Bitch Switch," and soon after sitting on the couch, she told Wendy she "would not be disrespected." Wendy responded by saying, "This is not the time for you to look for your moment." Wendy then reached for Oma's fugly book to show it to the cameras, but Oma snatched it out of her hands and said, "I'll hold my own book!"

The interview went on with Wendy calling Oma "a stereotypical black woman," and Oma telling Wendy that she looks like she had a nose job and that her wig is busted.

Wendy later told the Associated Press, "Omarosa wished her career was my career. Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman." Okay, I really do love Wendy, but that's the pot calling the kettle D-LIST!

OmaGROSSA is so hard to watch. I don't know why Wendy didn't grab that book and beat the smugness off of that bitch's face. I want to invite Oma over for dinner just so I can slap her with a drumstick. She just makes you want to punch a peach, and peaches are delicious!

Here's the clip of Wendy and OmaGROSSA from yesterday's show. And why are they both dressed like two Southern teens going to their prom?

VIA ONTD

Douchebags getting tasered is like laughing gas to me, but Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright getting tasered makes me sad. If only Josh was in his Dubya costume. Then I'd be laughing until my throat fell out and my dating life would be over. Well, I always have a-ho.....forget it. Seriously, this shit ain't funny.

As you know, Josh and Jeffrey were arrested in Shreveport this past weekend for their involvement in some bar brawl. A part of their arrest was caught on cell phone video and it shows some gross shit.

The video reportedly shows Jeffrey getting tasered and pepper sprayed several times by the cops as he lay on his stomach in the street. TMZ reports that several officers cursed Jeffrey out and used the the "N" word towards him. Josh was trying to control the situation, but ended up getting pepper sprayed in the eyes. The video hasn't been released yet, but you know it's coming.

This is why the cops always scare the fuck out of me. I talk a big talk, but when the cops come around, I become a 4-year-old girly with a speech impediment.

And how the hell are those cops going to taser, pepper spray and curse at Jeffrey?! Obviously they never saw Basquiat.

Expect a groveling, fake ass apology from these dumbass cops in 3...2.....

A regular bitch getting tasered is pretty funny, but one of the kids from "Home Improvement" getting tasered is hilarious! Well, it's not so hilarious to Zachery Ty Bryan. He played the hotter brother on "Home Improvement." Don't even try to convince me that the twink midget known as Jonathan Taylor Thomas was the hotter brother, because he wasn't!

Anyway, TMZ reports that Zachery is suing Choice Hotels for some shit that went down this past April. You see, Zachery and his wife were staying at a Choice Hotel in San Diego. Zach decided to get a Gatorade across the street with friends. Gatorade? Someone was rollin' on E. I'm joking. I think.

So... Zachery and his friends came back to the hotel around midnight, but the hotel wouldn't let him back in, because the room was not in his name. Zachery told them his wifey was in the room, but they would not let him call her. That's when some crazy ass off-duty manager "came out of nowhere" and tasered Zachery's ass! AHAHAHA! Sorry, but it's funny.

According to the hotel whores, Zachery went crazy, was probably drunk and tasering him was their only way of controlling the situation.

Zachery wants $25,000 in damages. And I want the video of this hot ass incident.

Where's Jill Taylor when you need her? She would have never let this fuckery happen.

Nicole Richie got bitchie (I know, I had to) early this morning outside of the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. TMZ reports that Nicole and some other skeezer got into it at the valet stand around 1 this morning. Apparently, Nicole got so wild that security was called in to take her hood rat ass off hotel property. Awww...Nicole still has it! Sad Clown Baby hasn't changed her.

The pictures of Nicole in the green dress and rhinestone belt on her head were taken inside the Hard Rock Hotel last night. She partied with her man, the rest of Good Charlotte and Carey Hart.

Bless Nicole's midget heart for trying to get all rough and shit. That's like when a chihuahua starts yapping at your ass thinking it's tough shit. You just have to sigh and laugh a little on the inside. It's endearing!

Here's also some pictures of bad ass Nicole on the Fourth of July in Malibu with some dick bag in neon sunglasses.

Unfortunately, this is not a post featuring cute pictures of little, furry bunnies dressed as soldiers with plastic guns. This is about a different bunny. A bunny with yellow polyester hair, robot eyes and fake chichis. The Playboy bunny! TMZ reports that it's war between Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson of "The Girls Next Door." A source said that everyone on the set of the show hates Holly, especially Kendra. Can't the robot and the dyke just get along?!

Holly and Kendra are fucking up shoots since they fight all the time. Producers are getting sick of trying to film around it. Uh....what's wrong with filming the fight itself! Who doesn't love a good bunny fight. Throw them in a cage with a couple of carrots.

Holly who is Hef's #1 bunny has even started showing her dick around the magazine. She apparently wants more and more editorial control and longtime employees are not having it.

The other bunny, Bridget, tries to keep the peace. Yeah, popping pills every 5 minutes can do that to a person.

Holly needs to stop the fighting and start the plotting! This bitch should be knocked up with Hef's spawn by now! She doesn't have much time before he goes off to the great, big bunny field in the sky. She should be trying to get oil out of his dry well, not fighting with Kendra's fake hip-hop ass.

I say, send them all back to wear they came from, the day-shift at Hooters!

"Broadway Bitch Fight" is definitely the gayest headline of the day. It's obviously just a super gay way of saying "dance off." Anyway, Mario Lopez and his "A Chorus Line" co-star, Nick Adams, are not getting along. It all started when Mario demanded that his character wear a short-sleeve shirt because he wants to show off his famous AC Slater guns. Mario also demanded that Nick's character cover up his tank top with a frumpy ass hoodie.

The bitch fight didn't stop there. The extra gay panty company, 2(x)ist, originally wanted Mario to star in a new ad campaign, but quickly changed their minds when they saw Nick. A source told Page Six that they were about to offer Mario a contract when they saw Nick. They went with Nick because "he's younger, sexy, more interesting." Nothing is more interesting than AC Slater!

One of the HBICs of 2(x)ist said, "Nick's very masculine, sexy, modern. It's totally all about his body. Mario is a good-looking guy, but Nick had it. He's up and coming, the new face of sexy. He's original. He's hot."

Obviously, these two are just having a lovers quarrel. I'm sure they will suck and make-up over a Bette Davis double feature, a few popper sniffs and a good old-fashioned game of turkey-in-the-hole.

It was the cunts of NYC vs. the cunts of O.C. at Bravo's A-List Awards the other night in NYC.

Bethenny of NYC told People that it started while they were all going over the script. Bethenny said, “They [The O.C. Housewives] said in our material that my apartment is a two-by-four, and it’s actually a one-by-two, and so I can take it, I don’t care. But they’re offended that I’m saying something about them living 65 miles from the beach. Jeana said, ‘I don’t think that’s funny.’”

When they got backstage, it went down. Tamra from O.C. claims Bethenny went at her ass, “Bethenny scratched me a little bit. I swear to god. She tried to get me from behind and I put my arm up, and she scratched me. I covered it with makeup." Tamra's lying. Her skin just went back to normal because she's made out of plastic.

Bethenny denied the catfight, but said, “Give me a can of hairspray and a match, and I’ll take care of that in the dressing room later.” To which Tamra responded, “The Housewives of the O.C. can kick the Housewives of N.Y.C.’s ass!"

Their children must be so proud. These are 85-year-old women for fucks sake! Ok, maybe they aren't 85, but close too it. If you're going to fight, don't scratch! Shank a bitch and then kick her in the snatch bone.

I'm on neither of their teams. I'm on "Team Get This Shit On Video Next Time."