No Words Necessary
via @amandabynes (Thanks to Isabelle for sending this in and giving me the image of a chalk outline around Amanda Bynes' cooch)
Miley Cyrus needs to have a seat and take notes. Because you're not really twerking unless you're twerking in all the aisles at Walmart. I love an ass that can clap for itself.
During last night's episode of the History Channel's miniseries The Bible (which is about the actual bible and not about my own personal bible, Hollywood Wives by Jackie Collins), Glenn Beck and others tweeted about how the dude playing the Devil looked a little like a certain president. No, they didn't mean that he looks like a beard-less Abraham Lincoln as Emperor Palpatine. The certain president they were talking about is Obama. You know, I might see what Glenn Beck was trying to say if he illustrated his tweet with Barbies. This tweet definitely needed more Barbies and more Beck tears.
I didn't even read the whole story. I don't know the context. I don't want to know the context. The only thing I need to know is how much can I sell all my stuff for? How much do I need to pay Cressida Bonas off to go away? How much is a one-way ticket to London? How can sneak my dog past customs without his ass ending up in quarantine? ("Um, Michael, I'm pretty sure you'll be the one who ends up in quarantine."- you) Because I will sit in front of Buckingham Palace and refresh Grindr until Prince Hot Ginge's profile comes up. You heard PHG. He's going to go gay once his relationship (or whatever you want to call it) with Cressida goes south. If he's lying, that's a highly illegal royal offense (not really) and he should be sent to the dungeon for life! To really punish him, put him in the same cell as me, because I'll be there for smuggling my dog into the country. It's the perfect plan!
Bent over and sucking on the tip as the dude on the left makes an "err, didn't know I was into ginges or dudes but my sudden boner tells me otherwise" and the dude in the back makes the same mega excited face I'm making... There's really nothing to say, because this picture is worth a million faps. Besides, I need to use my other hand to create my Prince Hot Ginge Sucking On Things Tumblr.
via Daily Mail (Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)
On last night's very special Halloween episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Mama June made Sugar Bear squirt out gallons of panty honey (or maybe, panty marannaise) when she dressed up like Marilyn the Hutt. The 7 year itch has been scratched. Where was a queefing subway vent when we really, really needed one?
via Too Fab
No, this isn't a newly found still from Julia Roberts' screen test for Splash. This is Shaun White dressed in drag as The Little Mermaid. The only thing that can top Carrot Bottom
is anything that's 7 inches or more is The Flying Tomato dressed up as Ariel for Halloqueen. You can tell Shauna White is all about this and I'm sure his back door ginger star fish is tingling something extra. You all should take the rest of the day off so you can go home and be left alone with your emotions.
If the one hundred percent truth trickled out of Wyclef Jean's mouth and he told us that all donations to his Yele Haiti charity, go toward him buying more Speedos, body butter and Ducati bikes, I might open up my PayPal wallet to drop a quarter in (no, I wouldn't), because then we'd get more priceless pictures of NAST like this one. The almost president of Haiti celebrated 43 years on Planet Earth by tweeting this messy portrait to his followers with the note:
TODAY I AM 43 YEARS OLD! I look And feel 26! U cant keep à good Man down! Keep à smile when they want you to frown!
Wyclef wants us to smile with our mouths, but yet he tweets a picture that's making all three of my mouths frown? Okay. But seriously, this picture is making me want to drop a quarter into Yele Haiti's donation cup (if it's still open). Because obviously Wyclef only had enough money to oil up half of his body. The top of Wyclef is greasier than a power top's dick at a butt orgy full of hungry bottoms, but his leg is as dry as my tongue when I look at this picture. We, as a people, can't let this happen. For just 10 cents a day, you can keep ALL of Wyclef's body oiled up.
(Thanks, Jon & Felicia)
Twitterer @DragonflyJonez made a list of 10 reasons he's voting for Obama and 10 reasons why he isn't voting for Obama and Snoop Dogg (I REFUSE to call him Snoop Lion) co-signed and snatched it by Instagraming it without giving credit. DragonflyJonez and Snoop Dogg aren't voting for Romney, because he's a ho-less Mormon, is a muthafucka named Mitt and won't let anybody talk. They're voting for Obama, because Michelle's got a fat ass and he smokes Newports. A MESS!
Maybe I'm alone on this, but "he a ho" and "bitch got a dancing horse" are both selling points for me.