Uncomfortable

Can't A Man Do Sex To His Bike In Private?

51-year-old Robert Stewart from Scotland has been put on probation for 3 years for having sex with his bicycle. They are calling it "sexually aggravated breach of the peace." He was also put on the sex offenders list for 3 years.

Get this shit. The dude was caught doing sex to his bike in the privacy of his own room in a hostel! He was caught by the cleaners. It's always them. Fun killers.

Prosecutors told the court, "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

The cleaners told the Hostel manager who told the cops.

Robert denied the claim and said it was a "misunderstanding" and he was drunk. I used that same excuse when I was caught doing sex to....I'll stop.

Ugh. Poor Robert. He can't help that his bike is such a sexy bitch. That bike is a slut and now Robert is paying for it.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

236 comments •

Real People • Uncomfortable

Doing It At The Age Of 8?

There's a new book out about sexual facts called "Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?" and the book reveals when some celebrities lost their virginity.

Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis and Jerry Hall all lost it at the age of 14. Johnny Depp, Jon Bon Jovi and James Caan were just 13. Don Johnson was 12.

77-year-old Sean Connery might have been joking when he said he was 8. "I was 8, but I can't recall with whom."

He was probably 18, but you know how those oldie olsens are. They forget things. Is it even possible to have consensual sex at the age of 8?! I mean was sex even invented yet when he was a kid? I don't think so. Sex wasn't invented until the 1960s at least!

Source: Page Six

Posted by: Michael K

157 comments •

Owen Speaks! Too Bad It Was Boring As Hell!

Owen Wilson gave his first interview to Wes Anderson on MySpace last night. Owen didn't talk about the suicide thing or his recent troubles at all. He spoke about monkeys and the movie and boring things like that.

Poor Owen looks beat! I'm getting tired just looking at him. He needs a long vacation. He should take his twin-brother, Ellen Degeneres, with him and just go away. Both have been under a lot of stress lately.

Posted by: Michael K

30 comments •

Boring Couples • Uncomfortable

When Did This Happen?

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when Dr. Dre took the stage at the VMAs last night. When did he get so.....buff? Weird! It looks like he's wearing one of those inflatable muscle costumes underneath. That being said, I'd definitely let him do naked push-ups on me.

Posted by: Michael K

106 comments •

Award Shows • Uncomfortable

Sally Kirkland Is NUTS!

TMZ has this picture of Sally Kirkland as Lionel Richie in an upcoming episode of "The Simple Life." In the episode Nicole apparently convinces Sally to dress as Lionel for Drama camp. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are going to be all over this!

Isn't Nicole half-black or something? This makes me very uncomfortable.

That being said, Nicole looks like the twin sister of Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe in this pic!

Posted by: Michael K

156 comments •

Crazy • Uncomfortable

Happy Mother's Day! You're Fired!!!

Blame it on the new wifey-to-be! Usher is apparently going to fire his momma as his manager, because his fiancee, Tameka Foster, doesn't like her. It all started when Usher's mommy, Jonetta Patton, told him to fire Tameka as his stylist. Tameka, who is ten years older than Usher, took some cheap shots at Jonetta on the radio. Usher wanted to be with Tameka and she left her husband for him. She's rumored to be knocked up.

Sources close to Usher think he may make Tameka his manager. Bitch is Vaginatized!!!!

Rumors are that executives at Jive want Jonetta to take on Britney Spears.

Hey! This could work out. Britney needs a bitch who is going to tell it to her like it is! I say Jonetta drops Usher and puts Brit back together.

If Usher is going to fire his mother I hope he at least waits until Mother's Day is over. What a bitch that would be.

Vagina Power is in full effect, y'all!!!

Source: NYDN

Posted by: Michael K

48 comments •

Dumbasses • Uncomfortable

This Makes Me Uncomfortable

I really don't know what weirder, President Bush trying to get his groove on or Laura Bush trying to get her groove on? Whatever the case may be, please make it go away.

VIA RADAR

Posted by: Michael K

82 comments •

Uncomfortable • YouTubes

Heather Mills Hits the Floor

It was bound to happen. Heather Mills' one-legged ass hit the ground on last night's "Dancing with the Stars." Heather is actually not the worst dancer on the show and she hasn't fallen until last night. At the end of her samba, homegirl couldn't hold her balance and became intimately acquainted with the floor.

The judges cut her some slack and didn't rate her the worst.

Even my black heart felt a little emotion when she fell. Yes, she's a gold digging hag, but I felt a little bad. Poor peggy-leggy.

Source: Daily Mail

Posted by: Michael K

70 comments •

Reality TV • Uncomfortable • YouTubes

Creepy

Marilyn Manson has called his new girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood, his soulmate and twin. He told a French newspaper:

"I've found my double, my twin, with my new girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood. She's 19 and certainly that's very young, but that's not a problem for me. She likes the same things as me. She understands I like to get up when night falls and go to sleep at dawn."

Marilyn is 39. His marriage to Dita Von Teese ended late last year and he said it ended, because she tried to change him. DUH! Anybody with half a brain would try and change that mess.

Evan doesn't try and change him, because that ho doesn't know any better. She's probably with him, because he has good blow and she likes borrowing his high heels.

Source: Post Chronicle

Posted by: Michael K

68 comments •

Dumbasses • Gross • Uncomfortable

Woody's Daddy Kicks It In Prison

Woody Harrelson's papa je'e was in the slammer for murdering a Federal judge. Well, he suffered a heart attack and died last week. Charles Harrelson was serving 2 life sentences at the Supermax federal prison in Colorado when police people found his ass straight-up dead.

Back in 1979 a drug dealer hired Charles to murder a Judge, because the dealer didn't want that judge to preside over his trial.

Woody was just 7 when his father was sent to Prison. He had no comment on his father's passing.

No wonder Woody's addicted to the weed.

Source

Thanks Kitty

Posted by: Michael K

66 comments •

Uncomfortable