Uncomfortable

No, this picture was not taken from the inside of a leather gay bar on Mars. It's the two alien homos known as Tommy Girl and Katie at MotoGp in Laguna Seca, CA. I don't know if Katie's eyes are screaming for help or if she's trying to steal my soul for Tommy Girl's collection. Either way, she's creeping me the fuck out.

And do they go to the same baby hairdresser at Supercuts? I'm only able to tell them apart because of Katie's height. Tommy Girl may be wearing lifts, but Katie still looks taller. He just looks like a little man in big shoes. Do you think if I send Tommy Girl a pair of exquisite lucite heels, he'll wear them?

First of all, I'm just going to warn you that this clip features Kathie Lee Gifford showing off her sports bra and then sucking on a straw like it's Frank's tiny peen. She doesn't even close her eyes while sucking which is pretty terrifying. Anyway, Kathie Lee demonstrated some product called "The Wine Rack" on "Today" this morning. This shit looks like a catheter bag, but instead of filling it with piss and caca, you fill it with wine or beer! Delicious.

The bag fits into your sports bra and is attached to a straw which you drink from. Boozing on the down low! It's perfect for church or for driving.

The company also makes something called "The Beer Belly" for men. Instead of putting the catheter bag in your bra, you strap it to your stomach.

Kathie Lee thinks "it's the greatest invention of all time." What a fucking drunk. I need to party with that bitch.

Ronnie Wood, 61, of the Rolling Stones is reportedly getting it on with a slut old enough to be his granddaughter. The Daily Mail claims Ronnie has left his wifey of 23 years for an 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress named Ekaterina Ivanov. He met her in some shady escort bar, so I'm sure the "cocktail waitress" title is just that, a title.

The teenage tart has been telling her Facebook friends that she's having a relationship with Ronnie.

Ronnie's spokesbitch spoke out by saying Ekaterina is a drinking partner and that Ronnie is in a bad way, "She is a drinking partner. When you're an alcoholic and your family are all telling you to stop drinking you simply find someone else to drink with. You can see how it happens, you end up pushing away the ones you love because you don't think straight."

The spokesbitch also said that Ronnie is drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day and that he's not even clear enough to check into rehab even though his wife is begging him to. Ronnie is still talking to his kids and wife, but he's mostly only with his teenage hooker.

Ronnie's wife, Jo, seems to be in denial. She said, "They're not boyfriend and girlfriend - not in that way."

I'm all for gold digging, but Ekaterina is not playing fair. Ronnie is a troubled pepaw with a booze problem.

This is going to end one of two ways. Ronnie is going to leave his teenage slut and she's going to release a tell-all along with a sex tape (pepaw porn is all the rage right now). Or Ronnie is going to leave his wifey and marry this tramp! Either way, it's not going to end pretty.

Seventeen Magazine asked American Idol's resident fetus, David Archuleta, about his first kiss. David answered, "I haven’t had a first kiss."

That makes sense. David probably doesn't have hair "down there," so he's definitely not ready for his first kiss. And even though he's 17, anybody that kisses David on the lips is a creepy child toucher.

Read the rest of David's interview at ONTD. He also doesn't like short skirts on girls! I think we found our new Gayken....

VIA Popwrap

Mini-Me picked up his mini-phone, called his mini-lawyers and ordered them to file a not-so-mini lawsuit against TMZ. Mini-Me is suing over that super sexy tape of him doing fuckey fuckey times with some pony lady.

In the lawsuit filed yesterday, he claims TMZ "violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape" on their website. According to Mini, the sexay tape was stolen by a mini-burglar!

He is asking for $20 million and wants the court to stop the distribution of this porn masterpiece.

Even $20 million couldn't make me unsee the image of Mini-Me's lizard tongue attacking pony lady. And in case you need reminding, clip below:

And here comes the bagel you ate earlier.....

A new UK reality show called "Britian's Missing Top Model" is set to debut on the BBC this July. The show is a modeling competition featuring models from around the world with various disabilities. Some chicks have missing limbs, one is paralyzed and another is deaf.

Producers on the show are major lie-tellers because they claim they are "trying to raise awareness." Naw, they are trying to raise cash. Let's be real. One of the judges on the show, the editor of Marie Claire UK, told the NYDN, "I do believe the program could help challenge our attitudes to disability. I want to see the winner shake up the fashion industry. These young women shouldn't be invisible to the fashion world just because they are disabled."

I'm in shock that Heather Mills and TyTy didn't join evil forces to put this show together. You know they are in a closed-door meeting right now planning the American version of this fuckery.

I don't know whether to be offended or excited. I know that I'm a little upset, because it's airing in the UK and not in the US. Thank Jeebus for YouTube!

Below are some of the models from the show. It's obvious that TyTy isn't involved in this, because none of them are smiling with their eyes. And is the chick in the third thumbnail, Wonky McValtrex?

Pull out the Kleenex and KY, because a Mini-Me sexy time tape is upon us! It's what your genitals have been waiting for. TMZ has a "tiny" clip of Verne Troyer tonguing his girlfriend at the time. SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the sex tape, but no deal has been made.

I need to see this now, just so I know what Mini-Me is working with. I bet he has taquito dick with extra cheese. I mean, does it even reach?!

They better call this shit "Mini-In-Me" or I'm going to be pissed!

Click here to watch the "short" clip and try not to bust a nut all over your keyboard.

Brooke Hogan talked to UsWeekly about those creepy ass pictures of her daddy giving her nalgas and thighs a rub down with lotion. I think we all simultaneously took scalding hot showers after seeing those pictures.

Brooke said, "I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!"

You know Hulk came when he read that. And what does an old car have to do with any of this?! Unless you're the dude who has fucked 1,000 cars, nobody should grope a car like that.

Image: INFDaily.com

On Sunday's episode of "The Two Coreys," both Coreys admitted to being child touched when they were 14 or 15. Corey Feldman told July's GQ (via Page Six) that it wasn't the gloved one. He said, "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael. He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering."

No wonder Jacko is going broke! He has to use his "Thriller" cash to pay off these two meth faces.

Corey went on to say, "It's something that will be addressed in my inner soul for the rest of my life, and it's something that truly affects me . . . It's just like, it happened, it's over, and move on. Let's move on to the next subject."

Yeah, let's move on. All this talk of child touching and Corey rape is making me uncomfortable. So, here's a video of Hope the puppy who was born without front legs. It will warm your heart or....make you feel uncomfortable again. Oh well, I tried!

Video VIA Cute Overload

Yes, more American Idol nonsense. It won't go away!!! Last night's finale was like one, long commercial. They pushed everything from that lame Mike Myers movie to Guitar Hero. Fetus and Cook both reenacted Tommy Girl's ultra gay scene from "Risky Business" for a Guitar Hero commercial.

Both of the commercials were pretty dorky, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sure the Idol bosses put a gun to Cook's head. However, Fetus' commercial was uncomfortable to watch. That shit is just not right. They should have at least made it believable by putting him in SpongeBob SquarePants underoos.

The minute Fetus came on the screen wearing boxers, pedos everywhere hit "record." Thanks to Guitar Hero and Idol for giving pedos something to do this weekend.

Below is Cook's commercial and above is Fetus'.

VIA ONTD