Uncomfortable

41-year-old Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. My non-existent vagina hurts. The 21st member of The Duggar family will be born around New Year's Day. Baby number 18 will join its 7 sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

The family lives in a 7,000 square foot home in Arkansas. They are currently shooting a reality series for Discovery Health.

Michelle's husband, Jim Bob, said, "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."

The Duggar children's first names all begin with the letter J. They are: Josh, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9-months.

They are running out of Js! They are going to have to start dipping into the Ps soon.

Well, if the Duggars ever run out of room in their house, a few of the children can move into Michelle's vagina. You know it's like a 6-car garage up in there.

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Jennifer Hudson's crotch is suffocating! Someone give it mouth to mouth. It looks like it's trying to take in a few more gulps of air before it passes out. JHud, your crotch is not David Blaine! Let it breathe.

Here's JHud and her suffocating crotch in NYC last night. Her crotch is in peril, but her chichis look magnificent!

Satan don't take me now! I don't know what's scarier, Elisabeth Hasselcrack or that big tranny pony? The combination of the two is fucking frightening.

I'm definitely checking under my bed tonight for a Republican twat in pink or a big tranny pony.

Here's Hasselcrack, her daughters and big tranny pony at the premiere of "My Little Pony Live!" at Madison Square Garden tonight. Wait, you mean there's more of those big tranny ponies? Hold me.....

This is one of the dumbest and funniest stories I've read in a long time and I read a lot of dumb ass shit. I mean, I consider Jackie Collins a literary genius. Anyway, here's the story courtesy of UsWeekly:

The day before Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finalized their adoption of 4-year-old son Pax, Angelina spent the afternoon with son Maddox, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

After treating him to a matinée of The Spiderwick Chronicles at Hollywood's ArcLight theater, they hit the gift shop.

Six-year-old Maddox picked out a pack of gum labeled "I [Heart] My Penis."

"[Angelina] laughed and bought it," a witness told Us.

Thank you UsWeekly for making me feel very uncomfortable. I doubt Angelina bought the "I Heart Penis" gum for Maddox, she bought it for Brad to remind him he still has a dick. Because being with her, you kind of forget that shit. That was very considerate of her.

American Idol is the same old fake loser fest like it always is. However, last night we met Bruce and his sleazy father. Bruce has never kissed a girl, because he's waiting for his wedding day. When he was 13, his father gave him a key necklace which Bruce wears all the time. His father wears the other part of the necklace which is a heart. The key goes into the heart. That makes me feel uncomfortable. Bruce's dad will give the heart necklace to Bruce's wife.

I feel completely uneasy watching Bruce put his key into his father's heart. As usual my mind went somewhere else. I'm sure Bruce's father's mind goes somewhere else too. He probably can't wait for his son to put his key into his heart. He probably asks all the time, "Son, it's a special day today. Will you please put your key into my heart again?"

Not right.

Click here if you can't see the video

Celebitchy has a scan from this week's InTouch of Angelina Jolie's, James Haven's vanity plate. His SUV has a "Shhiloh" custom license plate on it. Maddox is probably thanking the stars that weirdo didn't use his name.

Wait...maybe James is the baby daddy! Get Maury. I remember James saying his parents originally named him Shiloh and that's why Angie chose that name. Probably bullshit.

Oh and do you think he realizes he spelled her name wrong? Probably not, his freaky eyes probably only see one H.