Kelsey Grammer and his child bride Kayte Walsh got a little hate a few weeks ago for taking their 3-month-old baby Faith to a Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion. Kelsey said that Kayte is breastfeeding and they don't have a sitter, so Faith goes everywhere they go. I didn't think anything of it, because Faith wasn't the only baby at the Playboy Mansion. A drooling, breast-obsessed mound of human wrinkles owns the place. I'm sure Faith and Hef got burped next to each other.
Kelsey and Kayte are getting more hate today, because they drove away from LAX without putting their baby in a car seat. TMZ has video of Kayte and Kelsey getting into a chauffeured SUV. Kayte realizes that there's no car seat in the backseat, but she gets in anyway and holds the baby in her arms as the SUV drives away. Kelsey's rep went out to the farm, found a bull, fed it a bowl of beans and patiently waited until it shat out this explanation:
Grammer's rep tells TMZ ... at some point, before the family left the airport grounds, Kelsey loaded up a car seat and strapped baby Faith inside before they hit L.A. city streets.
Since the footage we posted earlier appears to show Kayte and the baby inside the vehicle WITHOUT a car seat, the rep may be insinuating that the car circled around the airport and picked up Kelsey, who eventually retrieved a car seat. It does appear ... after Kayte and the baby drove off, Kelsey went down to baggage claim and picked up the luggage that was checked.
As we previously reported, it's against CA car seat law to have a 4-month-old child inside of a moving vehicle without a car seat ... so even if the car JUST circled the airport, they still broke the law.
This reminds me.... When I was 4 or 5, my dad let my sister and I take turns sitting on his lap while he drove the car. People who pulled up next to us would wave and they all thought it was real cute. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad took a nap behind me and let me actually drive the car. He was lazy! I bet if I was actually driving the car while smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and writing a letter (aka the original texting) at the same time, people still would've been like, "Awww, how precious!" Don't you miss the early 80s?
Bitch is so rich that her nipples are made of diamonds!
Mushu the Dragon's twin sister separated at the plastic surgeon's table will take her tossed salad and scrambled eggs with a side of Beluga caviar and liquid gold foam from now on, thankyouverymuch. Because TMZ says that all three of the mansions Kelsey and Camille Grammer bought while they were married together are on the market and when they're all sold, she'll get half of that money. Camille's half will total around $30 million. TMZ's source says that Camille is pretty much the Steve Jobs of gold diggers, because when she met Kelsey, he had snorted most of his Cheers and Frasier money up his nose. Camille became the CFO of Kelsey's life and took whatever money he had left and turned it into a mountain of millions.
I kind of find it hard to believe that Kelsey couldn't even cough out a dime when he met Camille, but I'm still going to choose to believe it and I'm also going to say that she deserves $30 million and then some. Camille has IBS, so not only did she have to deal with her own shit (literally), but she had to deal with Kelsey's shit too. If it wasn't for Camille, Kelsey wouldn't be doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills and if Kelsey wasn't doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills, his newest gold digging wife wouldn't be licking on his taint. So when Kelsey's gold digging wife finishes licking on his taint for spending money, she can lick on Camille's next!
Kelsey Grammer and his wife Kayte told everyone earlier this year that she had a double case of the babies. But in a statement released today to People, Kelsey said that one of the twins, a boy, died right after they told everyone. That's the drop of sad news for them. The drop of happy news for them is that Kayte birthed out a baby girl early this morning in L.A. and no, they didn't name her EffOffCamille:
“We are thrilled. Mother and child are in excellent health.
We were ecstatic earlier this year, when we announced that Kayte was carrying twins. Tragically we lost the little boy shortly thereafter. This was not something we cared to make known publicly at the time. It was unspeakably painful and we know that people will understand our desire to keep the news private then, as we know they will respect our privacy in this matter now.
A glorious birth with a lingering sadness is ours today. We choose to celebrate the life that has been given us. We proudly introduce our Faith Evangeline Elisa Grammer, to the world today looking forward to the days ahead and the children yet to come.”
Just add that sadness to Kelsey's Wikipedia page. Have you ever read Kelsey's Wiki? It's like a novella. Tragedy after escandalo after tragedy. Kelsey's estranged father was shot dead, his twin half-brothers died in a scuba accident, his younger sister was murdered by a serial killer and his second wife tried to shoot his ass. There's like a full season of 48 Hours Mystery right there.
I get why the named their kid Faith and I kind of like the name Faith (any name that shares a name with a George Michael song is a good name), but did they really need to give her the initials F.E.E.G. FEEG!
In Chicago over the weekend, a tattoo artist got a face full of luscious gut fur when he inked the kiss of marriage death on Kelsey Grammer's body. The Chicago Sun-Times (via People) says that Kelsey and his child wife Kayte Walsh sashayed into a tattoo shop in Noble Square on Saturday night and he paid $60 to get her name tattooed in fancy font on his shimmy place (aka his right hip). Kelsey was nice to everyone and blah blah blah, but the best quote comes from the 72-year-old memaw of the tattoo artist.
“She (Kayte) was pretty, but not gorgeous, in your face. . . . They were fun. Very friendly and into each other. They were just talking and enjoying each other."
That dot dot dot is Braille for: like the stunning silicone dragon flower Camille Grammer. We know which 72-year-old memaw from Illinois has a Team Camille leotard in her drawer.
Kelsey is a dumb bitch and he's obviously so straponmatized that he doesn't realize getting your piece's name tattooed on his body is like setting up a game of Spin the Bottle between his marriage certificate and the Grim Reaper, but I don't think that tattoo was totally a bad decision. I mean, just think of the precious image of Kelsey showing off his fancy tattoo by cocking his hip while wearing his favorite pink satin panties. Yes, that's what it feels like when your brain jizzes glitter.
The latest woman to take the Grammer last time, Kayte Walsh Grammer, is a new ginger and she's also got an adorable blank check baby growing in her uterus (Connected? I think fucking so!) Kayte miscarried in 2010, so this time Kelsey's rep waited until her second trimester to announce to the world that he's about to add a future member of his Child Support Club. People puts it like this:
This will be the fifth child for the Boss star, 56, and the first for Walsh Grammer, 32.
Grammer is already dad to son Jude, 7, and daughter Mason, 10, with Camille Grammer, Greer, 19, with Barrie Buckner, and Spencer, 28, with Doreen Alderman. He’s also grandfather to Spencer’s son Emmett, 3 months.
Five babies with FOUR baby mamas? Who does Frasier think he is? My dad? No, Frasier is nothing like my dad. My dad's idea of paying child support was buying me a factory defected acid wash jean jacket from Miller's Outpost. (Not-So-Fun Fact: My arch rival at SCATS, a gymnastics place and not a donkey punch emporium, stole that jacket from me in the locker room.) Anyway, congrats to Kayte for securing herself a child support check when her marriage eventually ends in a minute or so. Hopefully, Kayte names her baby CamilleYourChildSupportChecksJustGotSmallerBitch Grammer.
Kelsey and Camille Grammer's custody fight has taken a turn for the gross. TMZ posted a document from Kelsey Grammer's lawyer to Camille Grammer's lawyer proposing that they solve their custody issues by splitting the kids up like property! Kelsey wants to draw a line between his 6-year-old son Jude and his 9-year-old daughter Mason, leaving his son on his side. Kelsey wants to enroll Jude in a private school in Chicago and leave Mason with Camille in California. What a wonderful and healthy solution, said absolutely fucking no one except Kelsey.
This mess started last month when Kelsey tried to get physical custody of both chirruns, because he says Camille was making it difficult for him to see them. Camille denies it and blames their issues on him living in Chicago with his child wife. After weeks of trying to work things out, Kelsey pulled the idea of dividing the kids up out of his asshole. Camille has since filed for physical custody, because she doesn't want to split Mason and Jude up.
Kelsey's rep didn't exactly deny it to TMZ, but said this: "Despite the fact that those connected with Camille Grammer seem to be hand delivering confidential documents to TMZ and other media outlets, we will continue not to make public statements about their private matters which can and apparently does beg for misinterpretation."
Oh, Kelsey, the future Sean Penns of the world thank you for giving your daughter daddy issues that will lead her to seek love and acceptance from asshole after asshole.
Why are Kelsey and Camille fighting over this anyway? It's not like they're going to be the ones raising the kids. Camille is too busy protecting Mulan and Kelsey is too busy trying to convince himself that his toddler of a wife is with him for love. Just give sole custody to the 4 nannies and be done with this mess!
Here I was thinking that the real world flame war between Kelsey Grammer and Camille Grammer was completely snuffed out, but he has lit it up again. Kelsey is melting a layer of honey wax off of Camille's gorgeous dragon face by completely burning her in documents he filed in Los Angeles today. Kelsey wants sole physical custody of their 9-year-old daughter and 6-year-old daughter. They currently live in L.A. with Camille, but Kelsey wants them with him and his new child wife in Chicago.
TMZ reports that Kelsey wants to give Camille visitation rights, but thinks his chirrun will be better of with him. Sources say that Camille is already raising her head and blowing out a trail of haughty HAHAHAs at this move. Camille believes that the kids really want to live with her and Kelsey shouldn't even get sole custody of her old titty implants since he's the one who turned around and walked away from his family. Camille wanted to share custody Kelsey before today, but this has made her change her mind.
(Read this out loud in a breathy Camille voice by putting a paper clip on your tonsils and then holding your breath until you're 2 seconds from seeing black. Then let out a scream whisper). KELSEY, HOW COULD YOU?!
Kelsey has already ripped out Camille's heart by leaving her for a younger ho. Now he's trying to take away the only thing she has left (after the millions of dollars in her checking accounts, the mansion, the three Bentleys, the beach house in Hawaii, the diamond closet off her master bathroom, etc..etc..)! If Camille doesn't have the children, that means she won't have 4 nannies anymore! Camille's nannies are contractually obligated to listen to her yammer since she doesn't have any friends and with them gone she truly has no one! She'll have to yammer to the walls. Will Kelsey please think of the walls!
As the wax covered porcelain dragon Camille Grammer sit on the floor of her dungeon counting all the millions that Kelsey Grammer passed to her side of the table two weeks ago, he made his checking account weep some more by marrying 29-year-old Kayte Walsh without a prenup in NYC today. The bride wore ivory, the groom wore foolery and the groom's business manager wore a "...the fuck is he doing?" look during the entire ceremony.
People reports that Kelsey made Kayte his fourth wife at the Longacre Theater, where he did La Cage aux Folles for a year. Kayte was escorted down the theater aisle by a gigantic shovel and an even bigger wheelbarrow. Afterward, Kayte, Kelsey and their guests headed to the Plaza Hotel for the reception. No word if the guests nibbled on tossed salad or scrambled eggs.
Kelsey's spokeswhore confirms this mess:
"Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh were married today at a private ceremony for family and friends."
Yes, Kelsey looks like a nervous father who is about to caca in his chonies before escorting his older-looking teen daughter into her debutante ball, but who cares! And yes, Kelsey's addiction to marriage is eventually going to leave him with nothing but what's on that curb, but it's his wallet that's bawling like my no-no on a Saturday night. Not ours. Camille got hers, so I'm good.
And with more foamy heaves rising up your throat. Kelsey Grammer and his child bride Kayte Walsh gave an encore performance of their air kiss of non-passion for Miami this afternoon, but they did it with more nipple. Ish. The paparazzi always seem to catch their kisses at the most bizarre and strangely enlightening moments. This one sort of looks like that part in Ghost where Demi Moore kisses ghost Patrick Swayze. Well, it would look like that if Demi Moore was a piece of hairy steak fat who wore red polka dot bikini bottoms under her trunks and loved to NOM NOM NOM the youth out of her gold digging lover. Okay, so this looks nothing like that part in Ghost.
You're going to need something strong to cleanse the film of UGH off your retinas. Let Camille be your Visine.
On a serious note: Kelsey Grammer, would or wouldn't? I'd have to circle "would." Well, Kelsey's allergic to prenups, most likely owns a pair of pink crotchless panties and he's Sideshow Bob!
Here's Kelsey Grammer and his future divorce court opponent Kayte Walsh having a private
Cacablanca Casablanca moment in the middle of JFK airport yesterday. Kaye's crossed arms might be saying "meh," but her lips are definitely saying... You know, they're saying "meh" too. I mean, this is the problem with some gold diggers nowadays. They are lazy and don't want to put in the work! The silicone flower Camille Grammer would've never let this happen. Camille permanently had her dollar sign goggles on so that she would always kiss Kelsey as though he was a gigantic bar of gold.
But Kayte isn't even trying to muster out a single drop of simulated passion. Kayte has her lips sealed shut as though Kelsey's face is the asshole of an antelope suffering from chronic diarrhea. This is the man she's going to spend a couple of years with before collecting a 7-figure check in a divorce settlement and she's acting like she's at the dentist at 8 in the morning. Although, maybe Kayte deserves half a bow since Kelsey isn't making her sign a prenup. Ho is still going to get paid without even trying. Okay, I'll give her a full bow.