Talk Shows

The woman on the right obviously approves of Elisabeth Hasselbeck leaving "The View." The lady's wish might come true! The National Enquirer (via Popcrunch) reports that Elisabeth is flying the crazy lady coop for a job at Fox News. A match made in hell!

Elisabeth is reportedly considering the job. A source said: “Elisabeth feels she can’t win at The View, but she’s been told by friends at FOX News that they’d find a spot for her without hesitation.” Elisabeth is just as tired of the ladies at The View as they are of her! She feels she constantly has to defend herself. Besides that, when she gets passionate about her opinions, the others make her look like she’s hysterical. But when she doesn’t talk enough, she’s accused of ‘pouting,” says the tattle."

Hearing Elisabeth's yappy voice on "The View" makes me want to attack a baby tree with safety scissors, but honestly that shit would be boring with her. There would be nobody to attack! They would all just sit there, sipping their hot water and agreeing with each other. Booooring!

Besides, my asshole would lose out on its daily exercise. Every time she speaks, my no-no hole clenches. If that bitch left, it would get all lazy and out of shape.

The Montel Williams Show will finally call it a day after 17 years. CBS announced that they will not make any new episodes, but they will air a full year of "Best of Montel" shows. Great. Another year of him?

Montel said, , ''I can't say thank you enough to those who've welcomed me into their homes for the past 17 years. It has been both an honor and a joy.''

Personally, I never felt connected to Montel the way I do some of the other trash TV hosts. Montel is too fucking preachy and thinks he's the voice of reason. I will sort of miss Sylvia Browne, because that bitch sucks as a psychic. The cat psychic in Santa Monica, CA is better than her. True story.

Yesterday, I was watching Sylvia on Montel and some chick asks her, "I didn't get to say goodbye to my mother when she died. Did she love me?" Sylvia looked at her with that blank stare like she was a pork chop, swallowed and said in that husky smoker voice, "Yes, she loved you." Um...get me a turban right now, because I could easily do that shit.

Here's a hilarious video of all of Sylvia's fuck-ups! The first one is the best. "Sylvia how did my daughter die?" Sylvia, "She was shot." Then the mother says, "But, she just collapsed in her room." Stupid bitch! That's good shit.

Now that Montel is done, I expect to see Sylvia right next to the cat wearing a turban in Santa Monica!

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Marie Osmond has confirmed that she's getting her own talk show in 2009. Oprah has nothing to worry about. The show doesn't have a title so far, but I'm going to take a wild guess and say they are going to call it "The Marie Osmond Show." Hollywood is really creative that way.

Marie said, "I want it to be a fun show, that girlfriend destination where we can all laugh a little bit, cry a little bit and just enjoy life." And faint a little and piss a little, because that's what menopausal woman do!

They will give a talk show to ANYONE. I mean...Gabrielle Carteris, Carnie Wilson, Tempestt Bledsoe, Sharon Osbourne, Tony Danza, Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase! Now you can add Marie Osmond to that mess list. I shouldn't have said Carnie, because that was some good trash.

The only way I will watch this is if she has a daily segement of "hot topics" like on The View. Instead of discussing the day's events with other people, I want her to discuss them with her dolls. You just know she talks to them before she goes to bed and tucks them in and shit. Besides Marie's dolls probably have a higher IQ than Sherri Shepherd.

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Barbara Walters said that Sam Lutfi called her to discuss Britney's "mental state." What's to discuss? It's obvious her mental state isn't what it should be. Sam told Barbara that she has mental issues which are treatable.

Babs said, "She has been to a psychiatrist. She, I assume, is starting some kind of treatment."

She also said, "He has been with her constantly. He seems to be enormously supportive."

Whoopi chimed in with, "I think this girl has worked and worked and worked – and she is burnt out." Worked? When? I don't think she's worked since 1999! I shouldn't say that. Someone has to keep Starbucks in business. That's not an easy job.

Isn't it sort of random that Sam called Barbara Walters? I bet you he was willing to go on camera if she paid his ass. He's jelly that Adnan is getting all the attention. Less talk and more action, Osama! He's becoming the new White Oprah. He's all about statements.

Visit The Huffington Post to see the video

Here's what resident "The View" genius, Sherri Shepderd, said yesterday on the show, "There is a picture of me with Shirley Caesar, who is like the black Patti LaBelle." Whoopi had to remind Sherri that Patti LaBelle is black.

Barbara Walters chimed in with, "It's a good thing you're not running for office. Because you'd be considered bigoted right now."

I wish she would've chimed in with, "You're fired!" How does this nitwit still have a job? How does she even get dressed in the morning? This idiot probably forgets how and has to ask her kid.

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Thanks Amy

Lou Taylor is a spokesperson and business manager for Lynne and Jamie Lynn Spears. What about Brit? Oh, I think Chester the Cheetah has that job. Anyway, Lou was on "Today" this morning to basically say Dr. Phil betrayed the Spears family. Lou said they never agreed to appear on his BS themed episode. He asked them, but they turned it down and he went along with his plans anyway. The family felt betrayed by Phil after he made statements about Brit. The family feels he has compromised their relationship with Britney.

Lou admitted that Phil was sent to Cedars by Lynne. Lou said, "What's wrong with Dr. Phil's statement is that he made a statement. The family, basically, extended an invitation of trust for him to come in as a resource to support them, not to go out and make public statements."

What the fuck do these hicks expect?! He's a fucking TV personality. Of course he's going to milk this shit. You know Dr. Phil is going to call Lynne and say, "So does this mean you won't be on my show?"

TMZ has the video if you care

Sherri "I Don't Know If The World Is Round" Shepherd is at it again! During a discussion on "The View" today about Epicurus and the Greeks, Sherri said that "nothing predates Jesus." So what does B.C. mean then, Sherri? It went a little something like this:

Whoopi: "When he was around there was no Jesus Christ stuff going on."

Stupid Sherri: "They still had Christians back then. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions."

Whoopi: "I think this might predate that."

Sherri: "I don't think anything predates Christians."

Joy: "The Greeks were first. Then the Romans. Then the Christians."

Sherri: "Jesus came first before them, so..."

Whoopi: "Not on paper."

When are Whoopi and Joy going to join forces and give this woman the beating she clearly needs? She also needs to be sentenced back to the 3rd grade. Where's Elisabeth when you really need her? Her stupid ass would've probably agreed with Sherri.

VIA Mollygood