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The producers of the UK's I'm A Celebrity....Get Me Out Of Here must have hacked into my brain area when it came time to cast this shit. By the way, it's not hard to hack into since the password is "1234" (just like LiLo!).

Britain's Daily Star (via IOL) says the producers are trying to round up Detective La Toya Jackson and Samantha Fox for the cast. Yes, two of the most talented and influential female stars of music (I'm not being sarcastic) sharing the screen together! This will be the greatest pairing since weed and Yo Gabba Gabba!

I mean, can you imagine them doing a jungle acoustic duet of a mash-up of Naughty Girls (Need Love To) and Bad Girl? SOUL EXPLOSION!

And since Toy Fox needs a live audience to witness their high levels of glamour, sources say Mitch Wino (Amy's famewhoring daddy), Tito Jackson, Brian McFadden, Brian Blessed and Nicola T are also in talks to join the cast.

Here we have President Obama, Michelle Obama, Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, his wife and their two teenage goth daughters at the world leaders reception in NYC. GLAMOUR! Oh, how this takes my ass back to the days when we would listen to Morrissey while painting our nails black and covering our faces with baby powder. Yeah, I tried to be goth for a quick minute, but it didn't really work out. I was way too cunty (in a mean girl way) and listened to way too much Ace of Base. I just didn't have that "whole sad dead clown" act down. But the first daughters of Spain do!

This awesome picture of them has actually caused some shit, because Prime Minister Zapatero doesn't allow any of the Spanish papers to run pictures of his daughters. However, once this picture hit the wires it was on the front page of some Spanish papers and in almost everybody's inbox. PM Zapatero shouldn't spaz out. They're just goth girls. They're everywhere. You can see a mob of them in the food court at the mall looking all sullen-like and poking at their coffin purses.

And you know who else was there that night too? The one and only First Lady of Cameroooooooon Chantal Biya!

Ravishing from the top of her lion mane to the tips of her toes. The lioness came out that night and I can hear her exquisite eyebrows ROOOOOAAAAAR! And Chantal knows it. She has a look on her face like "Yeah, I got THIS." AND HOW!

Seriously, that was the party to be at. Chantal Biya and adorable Spanish goth girls! If they had an Andre champagne fountain, that would've been heaven.

Kirk Cameron, the star of my favorite comedy movie of '08 Fireproof, has once again climbed to the top of the internet mountain to shout about evolution...or something. In a video he posted on his website, Kirk went on and on about how Darwin hated vagina and was a total racist. Kirk even claims that Darwin's "Origin of Species" inspired Hitler. Yup, the entire Seaver family just put him on the curb.

Kirk and the "Banana Guy" will travel to college campuses to hand out a new 50-page introduction for the "Origin of Species." Unfortunately, Kirk didn't say Boner would be joining them on the tour. Because if he was, I'd totally drop my dildo to be there.

After Kirk's video made it around the internet and back, a Romanian girl posted a response where she calls him a "ssssssssssnake!" Homegirl spanks Kirk as if he was a screaming 2-year-old in the Salvation Army! Anybody who looks like they teleported directly from 1990 has my vote. Every time.

VIA Jezebel

Christina Hendricks' fiance wakes up to her magnificent chichis every single morning, but they still manage to knock the wind out of him every time he sees them. MAN DOWN! You can't put any blame on him, because looking at Christina's mounds of wonder really is a spiritual experience. Really, I see the face of Jesus, God, Buddha, Allah and the Brangie twin messiahs whenever I look at them.

I'm gayer than the Disney Channel and I would give up my left ass lip (it's kind of limp anyway) to spend the rest of my days motorboating on Christina's Lake Chichis.

Here's more pictures of Christina's holy tittay balls at the Emmys last night. I also threw in some pictures of the rest of the Mad Men cast, because they won Best Dramz.

A 23-year-old dude was trying to rob a bank in Wisconsin when a vigilante pepaw came out of nowhere and tackled his thieving ass to the ground! All together now: PEPAWS ARE NOT THE ONE!

You know that robber strolled into the bank, noticed the pepaw and thought to himself, "Pfft. That grandpa ain't going to do shit." Well, guess what, bitch got owned by an oldie! Dude was trying to do hood rat stuff, but that old man wasn't going to allow that to happen. Beware of flying pepaws!

Yes, grandpa probably broke his hip and crushed the caramel squares he had in his pocket, but fighting criminals is in his blood so he couldn't help himself.

The best part is when a memaw opens her own can of whoopass (smells like Ovaltine and Icy Hot) on the robber by kicking him while he's down. Somebody give these old crime-fighting bitches their own show!

VIA Buzzfeed

Somebody get on the phone to Chris Nolan and tell him that if Catwoman is in the next Batman movie, Aretha Franklin is just woman for the JOB! The chichi queen stepped out in NYC last night wearing cat print from head to cankles.

Really, if this isn't the new Catchichis, I don't know who is. Actually, Queen Aretha is better than Catwoman! She doesn't need some stupid leather whip to defend herself with. Queen Aretha subdues her enemies with the giant link of sausages she always keeps hidden in between her mounds of wonder. And Queen Aretha can meow without even opening her mouth. Whenever Aretha glides across a room, her nipples meow like ten dozen cats in heat. Pounce at 'em, Aretha!

In case you missed it, here's Serena Williams doing the Dlisted mating call at the US Open semi-finals last night.

When the line judge called a foot-fault on Serena's second serve, she flipped the cunt switch, stormed over to the tiny little Asian woman and reportedly said something along the lines of: "I swear to God, I'm going to take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat." If was the judge, I'd immediately start playing with my nipples while wiggling my tongue at Serena, because in my circle that is a pick-up line! Don't threaten me with a good time, Serena! Feed me your huevo!

But the line judge didn't take it that way and she immediately went off to tattle-tale. Apparently, the line judge said Serena threatened to kill her ass.

Because of Serena's bitchburst, she was given a second code warning causing her to lose the match and the semi-finals to Kim Clijsters.

Now, I don't know anything about the rules of tennis, but I do know everything about the rules of bitchery and Serena followed every single one of them! Fuck this "1-love" shit. Give me more "1-I'LL SHOVE THIS FUCKING BALL DOWN YOUR THROAT" shit!

And at the press conference following the match, Serena stayed true to her bitch moves and didn't offer up an "I'm Sowwy." That's right. The line judge should apologize to Serena for turning down her piping hot offer. RUDE.

VIA ONTD

While all of our asses get older, Charo never ever ages. Seriously, Charo's 58-year-old hot ass has looked exactly the same since I was drinking my whiskey out of a sippy cup. When we're all dead, Charo will still be poppin' that pussay all over the planet! Charo's thrust makes the world go 'round. Maybe the secret is in her magical cuchi cuchi? You interpret that anyway you want to.

So, during the MDA Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon this past weekend, Charo showed up Alien Princess RiRi with a cover of "Please Don't Stop The Music." This is how it's really done. Charo can kick, stretch, and KICK! Charo dances like my abuelita after one too many Coronas. YES!

And just so you know, Charo's abuelita nipples sang back-up on this shit. Yes, she is that talented.

Source (Thanks Dan)

When Posh Beckham and RiRi see these pictures of Bill Kaulitz from Tokio Hotel throwing the glitter in Paris, they just need to lock themselves in their room and stay there for eternity. There's no way they will ever be able to compete with this kind of hardcore tranny mess glamour! Game fucking over. Bill has got this!

I mean, a leather turtleneck, Wite-out tipped nails, one of Steve Nicks' old scarves, studded suspenders and a weave that Donna Summer probably coughed up in the 70s.... RAV.I.SHING. I just want to pick him up and use his legs to eat an entire bowl of low mein with. And it would be delicious.

Here's more pictures of Bill making bitches faint at the sight of him in Paris. I also threw in some pictures of Lady CaCa arriving in Bill's home country of Germany today for comparison. CaCa has a look of shame on her face, because she knows that she will never EVER have it like that.

42-year-old Lisa Newsome was arrested after she was caught on tape stuffing a 24-can case of beer up her muumuu and shoving several bottles of Coke in her titty area at a convenience store in Zachary, LA. I guess bitch wanted some beer in a bad way that she didn't care about getting a yeast infection. Yes, I'm here all week!

When Lisa was busted by the cops, she admitted that she stole the 20-pound case with help from her thieving snatch. Lisa even offered to demonstrate, but the cops told her to keep her chonies on. Lisa is still in jail on $1,000 bond.

The cops may not want to see Lisa's suction cup pussay at work, but I do! Homegirl has some major skills. Although, if Michelle Duggar ever gets into a life of crime, everybody should be scared. Screw a measly 24-pack, Michelle could swallow up an entire Old Milwaukee Brewery and then some!

VIA We Saw That