Hotness

I have to hand it to Heidi Klum. Every year she goes all out for Halloween. She has people doing it for her, but still. This year her annual Halloween ball was held in Los Angeles at the Roosevelt Hotel. She was the poison apple and I'm guessing Seal was Eve. Damn, he looks fug. See, this is how you do it celebrities! Show some damn imagination. I mean Parasite just wears her damn lingerie.

Yes, even the perfection that is Halle Berry has flaws. She showed off her stretch marks while shopping with that hunk of man boyfriend of hers. Couldn't she get that trash removed? She's still hot, but stretch marks give me a craving for butter and mayo sandwhiches. Seriously, they are the best.

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Ivana Trump was escorted out of Saturday night’s star-studded Carousel of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills for being a drunk wreck! Sources say that she was extremely intoxicated and collapsed into a comatose state when she reached her hotel. Friends were scared for the luscious woman’s state of health and called the paramedics.

Tee totaling Trump has had booze problems in the past. She apparently sought treatment earlier this year.

There’s nothing I love more than a drunken, woman of a certain age with a hardcore Eastern European accent. She probably flashed her moldy breasts at the doorman too.

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The Hoff smelling up the red carpet at the Baywatch DVD release party on 10/30

His pits can't even take the heat! Can you imagine the strench?! It's probably a mixture of muskrat musk and Jack Daniels. Actually, I'd probably lick that shit up. Come on...you know you want!

Is the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, sporting a huge one? His “Casino Royale” co-star, Judi Dench, said she caught a glimpse of his fat dick when he was dressing in his trailer which was across from hers.

She said, "It's an absolute monster! Maybe I shouldn't have said that. How uncouth of me!"

That dirty old woman! She’s hot. It has been rumored that Daniel is working with a large one, but I just don’t see it. These pics were leaked last year and I’m not impressed. Who am I fooling? I’d hit it.

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The 13th Annual Dream Halloween event was held in Santa Monica, CA yesterday and brought out the Dlisters!! Jamie Lee Curtis went all out as some sort of pirate king thing. I love the fact that this ho doesn't care. She's fug as hell and looks like a fool, but bitch don't care. Dakota Fanning kind of creeps me out as Snow White.

A glowing Whitney Houston was all smiles last night at the Carousel of Hope Ball in Los Angeles. She escorted Clive Davis and quickly became the star of the event. She greeted everyone from Usher to Halle Berry with a smile and poise. She looks really hot and really happy now that she's gotten rid of the junk in her life. Whitney didn't speak to press, probably because she didn't want to hear Bobby Brown's name. We're glad this ho is finally back! Bitch is hot shit.

I can totally relate to the spawn of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Violet. We both have ears that take up half of our head. If I got a haypenny for every single time I've been called "Dumbo" I'd be one baller bitch. That being said, there are many advantages to big ears. Like...um...like...you can hear better. No scratch that. Ok, you can...ok there's no advantages to it. But I think Violet is the hotness.

Kate Winslet said that she became sick when she had to perform a sex scene in her new movie, Little Children. Kate exposed her saggy breasts for the scene with Patrick Wilson.

She said, “When you get up in the morning and you know you are going to have to go to work and take your clothes off it’s the worst day of your life. You feel awful. You feel sick. And you remind yourself you must never agree to do this again.”

I can’t relate. If I knew I was doing a sex scene with the hotness that is Patrick Wilson, I wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink. It would be like when you’re 6-years-old and know you’re going to Disneyland the next morning. They would have to get security, Shanna Moakler and a crew of sting rays in the room to peel me off his fine ass.

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The Queen of England herself sent a special Birfday greeting to the oldest bitch in England! Flook turned 100-year-old in cat years which is roughly 23 in human years.

Fook's owner said, "I have watched Flook grow up from a kitten and I am very proud of her. I really just sent the letter tongue in cheek and didn't expect anything back. But when I got the letter from Buckingham Palace I nearly fell over."

We wish this hot ho a special day and happy years ahead!

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