Weddings

I posted yesterday a story coming from the UK stating that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would marry before Christmas in South Africa. The report stated that a friend close to the couple was invited and also that Oprah was invited, because of her charity work in South Africa.

Brad Pitt's spokeswhore denies the story and says it is completely made up and there is no truth to it. A friend said that Oprah would never be invited to their wedding, because they can't stand her. No, they said that Oprah wasn't that close to the couple.

Poor Oprah, I'll invite her to my wedding to CoCo so she doesn't feel that left out.

Maddox is behind this, I know it.

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There were rumors that Beyonce and Jay-Z were getting married this weekend in the Caribbean, but reps for the couple deny this. Beyonce threw Jay-Z a 3-day Birthday party and was apparently going to use this as a disguise for a real wedding. The NY Daily News reports that the party already happened and they didn't get married.

They also won't be anywhere near the Caribbean this weekend.

The party happened last week in St. Martin with 20 of their closest friends and family. Sources say the party cost around $1 million and went on for a couple of days. They are already back and Jay will be in NYC this weekend.

That leaves the TomKat disaster as the only celebrity wedding event this weekend. Yeah, that's enough for me.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie said in the past that they would only get married once gay civil unions became legal in the US. However, there are now reports from The Sun UK that the pair are planning to get married in Africa before the end of the year.

A friend close to the couple say they will wed in a South African village near Johannesburg. Oprah who is on TomKat's blacklist is said to be invited, because of her involvement with South Africa.

A source said, “They are treating their marriage like a spiritual affirmation.”

Reps for the couple kept their mouths shut! I don't see this happening, but you never know. Would Brangelina make liars out of themselves? He was quoted as saying, "I'll Marry When Everyone Can." Last time I checked I can only marry vaginas. Anyway, Maddox won't let this happen!

Thanks chicchignon

Oprah is not happy. She's been left off the guest list for ANOTHER TomKat wedding. The two crazies are holding a special Wedding party this Saturday in Los Angeles for everyone that couldn't make it to Italy. Oprah said that she understands why she wasn't invited to Italy, because space was limited. Even though 500 guests were invited including JLo who really isn't a TomKat friend.

A spokeswhore for the big O has confirmed that she hasn't been invited to Saturday's event either. Tom better watch himself, because he's sooooo not going to be invited when Oprah finally marries Gayle.

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will hold another wedding party this Saturday at the home of Paula Wagner, Tom's producing partner. The party is being held for crazies that couldn't attend their wedding in Italy.

Please, this is just another opportunity for Tom to show off how straight and in love he is. Tom wants to hold the party before he begins filming with Meryl Streep. Expects eleventy rolls of film like the last wreck produced. I hope Tom at least gets a decent blow-out this time.

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Happy 25th Birthday and KEEP YOUR COOCHIE COVERED TONIGHT!

Britney and Parasite Hilton will no doubt be out and about tonight to celebrate 25 years of tired vagina. No word yet on where they will land or with whom. You can bet that Nachos and Fat Elvis will be around. It has been rumored that Britney and her boyfriend Paris will stage a mock wedding at her birthday party.

A source said, "They have been inseparable since Brit's split. So their chums have started calling Paris her new husband. Paris has even been playing daddy with Britney's kids. The birthday bash is a celebration of their new friendship and Brit's impending divorce. They share everything."

Well, Paris most likely has a bigger dick than her last husband and her jizz is probably chunkier.

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I reported that Heath Ledger and Marshmallow Williams were spotted applying for a marriage license in Brooklyn last week. Their reps at first were mum about the subject, but now are saying they aren't getting hitched! The two have a daughter named Matidla. For now she will remain a bastard. Just kidding, she's beautiful?

Their rep said, “No, they’re not”.

Yeah, fun stuff.

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My friend Brian spotted Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams getting a marriage license this morning in Brooklyn. The couple live in the NYC borough. They have a daughter named Matilda that was born last year. The two met while filming "Brokeback Mountain." So, expect them to get married sometime soon.

Yeah, I'm already bored. Michelle is so copying Katie Holmes. Actually, she's not...she doesn't have that much emotion in her. Ugh, I need to go drink some sugar water. This story put me to sleep.

Tom Cruise apparently sang along to his bride, Katie Holmes, when "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" came on during their wedding reception. This little moment was taken from Tom's movie "Top Gun." Yeah, he's original.

Leah Remini (who is a Scientologist) said, "Katie was completely touched. She was laughing along, loving him and really enjoying it."

They probably rehearsed this a million times and these photos make me want to hurl. He seriously needs new hair.

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