I've never been one of those whores who dry heave at the sight of bare feet, but I know some skanks who do. I knew some broad who in high school who would seriously start gagging every time she saw a completely bare foot. She could handle if it was in a flip flop, but not if it was just hanging out naked by itself. This bitch had a bad case of foot phobia. She couldn't even fuck a dude unless he wore socks! I asked her once, "Well, would you ever let a dude toe fuck you in the vag?" I thought the ho was going to shower herself with her own vom just to wash away the image of a big toe going into her cooze.
It's a good thing she wasn't at the Carouse of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills last night, because Lara Flynn Boyle kicked off her heels and walked the red carpet like she was fucking Joss Stone. Yeah, her shoes were probably bothering her hooves, but still. Have some consideration for the bitches around you who might suffer from severe foot phobia! I'm surprised Lara even has feeling in her feet, seeing as though she doesn't have feeling in her face. THAT FACE! She used to be the sexiest chick on TV and now she looks like hard silly putty.
Last night's Carousel of Hope Ball looked like "show off your new face night" at the fucking retirement village. There were enough wigs there to keep a tribe of performing drag queens going for years to come! Below are some of my favorite memaws from the night. Don't feel bad if you don't know any of these memaws and pepaws' names, because they probably don't know either.
It's a before and after Botox ad! You know, because Courteney Cox has also tried that shit once and it wasn't for her. Uh huh. And Jennifer Aniston doesn't call her every night to play "pretend boyfriend."
Demi Moore is 45 and Court is 44. There's a good reason why Demi looks younger. It's because most of her body is younger than Court. Court should ask Demi for her plastic surgeon's name and number, because she's looking a little "Vadgey" in the face.
Here's more of Dem and Cox at Glamour's Reel Moments last night.
Kim Kardashian posted this picture of her 14-year-old self to respond to all the HATERS that say she's had plastic surgery. Yes, she's 14 in this picture. It makes me feel all sorts of uncomfortable. I feel like I should be pouring myself a cup of iced tea and taking a seat. And if those bikini briefs were any higher she could wrap them over her shoulders.
Anypedo, Kim wrote this shit on her blog:
I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!
I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.
I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.
This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!
All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to believe it!
I have always had an insecurity with my nose... People also have assumed I have had a nose job, but I have not! I look exactly the same as I did when I was a kid, except my nose has grown a little. I hate the bump on the side of my nose, but am way too afraid to mess with my face!
I was wondering what Kim was going to do to stay relevant now that she's been kicked off of "Dancing with the Has-Beens," and we have our answer! Pedo Bear is waiting in the woods for her to post pictures of her 11-year-old C cups.
Maybe Vivica A. Fox had the runs yesterday so she sent out her wax figure in her place. I just want to hold her head and stick a wick on top of it. Vivica just needs to step away already. Getting your face work done at DuPont can't be healthy.
On a positive note, you can play a serious game of handball off her face and she wouldn't feel a thing!
Here's Vivie or her wax figure outside Regis & Kelly in NYC yesterday.
First of all, sorry for the lack of posts this morning. I caught some kind of cold earlier this week and it is really fucking me in the ass without lube today. I'm trying to hold on for dear life! May Chicken Cutlets be with me. Tommy Girl has put a curse on me. No wonder I'm always having nightmares about little green peens. So...if I'm slower than usual today and I don't make much sense (again, more than usual), that's the reason. Now let's get on with it!
Katie Price wandered the streets of Los Angeles yesterday buying a bunch of shit she really doesn't need. Katie will usually vomits up all kinds of information about herself, but she wasn't talking yesterday. The paps asked her if she got her chichis reduced. She wouldn't say, but it looks like whatever they took from her tittays, they put in her lips. Maybe that's why she couldn't talk. She couldn't open her fucking mouth. If that's the case, she should get them bigger. Her pout looks like Tommy Girl's ass lips (that curse just got stronger) after a game of "shock the booty" with Johnny Travolta.
Alicia Douvall, the welfare-version of Jordan (and that's saying A LOT), recently put her titties under the knife for the 14th fucking time! Tittay abuse! Alicia's doctors told her to stop tinkering with her Ziploc sacks, but she can't stop.
The "glamour" model told The Sun, "I know it will kill me. But I'd rather die trying to sort things out. My last boob job was a disaster. One of the implants left my chest really lumpy, so I needed to sort it out." Methinks the implant was lumpy, because it was trying to escape from this skank's body!
Alicia needs to stop this shit. Her titties have been through enough. Alicia needs to spend her time finding a cure for cancer or learning how to tie a cherry stem with her twatty. Anything, but putting her boobs through more trauma. Those sad chest rocks need to be put on the Witness Protection Program.
Alicia is also the tramp who recently said her 12-year-old daughter wants a tit job. Alicia was spotted taking her daughter to the plastic surgeon's office last month. Alicia doesn't need another boob job, but she does need a lobotomy.
NO! Above is a picture of Jacklyn Zeman from "General Hospital" in 2005 (left) and in 2008. In the 2005 picture you can sort of start seeing her love with the needle. But what in Luke & Laura hell has she done to her face since then?! When I first saw these pictures on TMZ, it took me a couple of quick minutes to realize who it was. Can the woman even blink or does she just carry around a bottle of Visine with her at all times? She uses clothespins to shut her eyes while she sleeps.
I mean, I know international supermodel Phoebe Price is a stunning creature, but not everyone can pull off that kind of beauty. Poor Nurse Bobbie thought she could, but she can't!
Foofy Foofy's true love, Brigitte Nielsen, is getting a full body makeover on German TV. Viewers watched as Gitte got fat wet vacced from her thighs, her eyes botoxed and silicone drained from her chichis. In the next few episodes, Gitte will also get new teeth, a facelift, an eyelift, more botox and a titty lift.
44-year-old Gitte hopes that when it's all sucked and lifted she will be able to pose for Playboy again. She said, "I know I will be breaking a taboo. But I’m sure that it will provoke a new discussion. It’s time things change. I feel 30 and want to look that way again."
Why do whores always say they want to look 30 again. She's never going to look 30 again. After she gets sucked and injected, she's going to look like a 60-year-old plastic muppet. Not even one of those soft muppets, but a plastic muppet! That shit is never cute!
And Gitte needs to stop putting her business all over reality TV. What's next? Getting her pussy tightened live on The View?
File this under: See it to believe it! Page Six claims Rojo Caliente's true love, Cynthia Nixon, went and got her titties done! A source said that soon after "Hags In The Shitty" came out, Cynthia and her co-star Kristin Davis checked into Roosevelt Hospital for a little work.
The source said, "Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed. They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week."
Yeah, who cares about Kristin! That ho could get a sex-change and I still wouldn't give a llama's nutsack.
Cynthia's spokeswhore denied she had any work done. And the woman did have breast cancer! Maybe her being in the hospital had something to do with that.
Besides, she doesn't need new chichis. Rojo loves motorboating her cherry tomatoes.
And this next dedication, goes out to Cynthia from a fire mountain of a woman who loves you "just the way you are."
Joan Rivers got kicked off of the UK talk show "Loose Women" for using the fuck word on air Joan was talking about interviewing Russell Crowe on the red carpet and said, "He is a piece of - get ready to bleep this. Fucking shit!" Well, the show was live and there was no delay! Joan was asked to get the fuck out during commercial break.
Please, you know the real reason they asked her to leave was because her scary face was frightening all the little children who were watching.
Joan has since apologized, "Yes, I swore, and I'm so fucking sorry. No one told me the TV show Loose Women was a reality show and that I would be voted off. It's funny: offstage, I hardly ever use profanity. My favorite four-letter word is 'shop.'"
It's a good thing she slipped up during a UK TV show. If she fucked up in the US, she would immediately be sent to death row without a trial.