Panty Creamer of the Day

Christopher Meloni can't wear sleeves for too long or his throbbing biceps will bust them right off! It's uncontrollable. You know how Parasite Hilton's pulsating pussay of destruction rips off panties by itself? The same goes for Christopher's arms.

The truth is I don't know whether to rub my nipples all over these pictures while tapping my privy areas or submit this shit to the Summer's Eve people as consideration for their next campaign. Oh, fuckit, let's go with the former. Nipples out!

Here's more pictures of Christopher and his "python trying to swallow a fat possum" arms on the set of Law & Order: SVU today along with Wenty Miller and Mariska Hargitay.

Who cares if Johnny Depp has enough jelly in his hair to keep KY in business for years! Who cares if his teefs look like the star of a Parkay commercial! Who cares! Just rub your fuck parts on his hair and 21 Jump Street his ass! I have no fucking clue what "21 Jump Street his ass" actually means, but it sounded hot in my brains. Go with it.

Here's Johnny yearning for a little love from Dawn at the premiere of Public Enemies in Los Angeles yesterday.

During day two of Prince Hot Ginge's visit to NYC, he dropped in on the Children's Zone of Harlem. PHG singed eyebrows with his charm and caused hearts to stop temporarily with one wink. He also took part in a little game of "Pop the Balloon." Why. Is. He. Teasing. Me. Like. This. ?.

Those are the luckiest balloons in the universe. They all percolated in their cage with excitement when Hot Ginge came around. On the inside they were screaming, "Pick me! Pop me! Sit on me! Rip me to shreds! Destroy me! Give me that hot ginge ass bush!" Although, it kind of looks like he's on the royal throne if I ain't being too subtle. Why am I ruining this for everyone? Forget I said that and just pretend you are the balloon that he just popped. And by "you," I mean me.

You know he didn't even have to touch the balloon. The electricity radiating off his nalgas made it EXPLODE instantly.

Here's Hot Ginge in Harlem this morning and also some pictures of him planting a tree in the British Gardens yesterday afternoon. Look at him stick his big tree into that dirty dirty hole. Look at him take that shovel and just pour dirt all over it. Look at him pat that hole with the shovel. This isn't at all sexy sounding, right? Ugh. I've got the fevah in a bad way. No wonder they won't let me out of the house!

Zachary Quinto stars in a mini-movie I like to call "Just A Regular Saturday Night For Tommy Girl." Although, if Tommy Girl had gallons of a white milky substance coming his way, he wouldn't be making constipated face like that. No, he'd be more like a dog to a water hose on a hot summer's day.

Watch Spock get showered with milk in a video portrait by artist Tyler Shields. I don't know whether to change my chonies or eat a bowl of Cheerios.

VIA OhLaLa (Thanks Eric)

File this under: news that made my nipples pass out. The New York Post (via Playbill) says that Hugh Jackmeoff and Daniel Craig will star in a Broadway play together later this fall. That theater is going to constantly smell like spoiled goat milk, hot dog water and discarded tuna cans.

Hugh and Daniel will both play cops (MY BUTT JUST BLEW UP) in A Steady Rain by playwright Keith Huff. The play is about "two Chicago cops whose friendship is tested by a domestic dispute they encounter in a poor neighborhood."

Okay, what is the title referring to exactly? Does it refer to a pivotal scene where Hugh and Daniel embrace in the rain pant-less? Or maybe it refers to a pivotal scene where Hugh and Daniel embrace in the shower shirtless? Or maybe it refers to a pivotal scene where Hugh and Daniel embrace while one of them is going pee pees?

It doesn't really matter. Just tell me if they will be selling a clean change of panties at the concession stand or if I have to bring my own?

Some of us are barely getting up, so the eye jizz is still crusty and our beds are beckoning us back to them. That shit's not an option, so why not cuddle in between The Hoff's succulent tittays instead. Titty fuck him with your entire body. Let his warm chichi fur envelope you as you moisturize your skin with the booze grease that oozes out of his nips.

You know, I'm not sure whose furry moobies are more luscious? The Hoff's or Simon Cowell's? There's only way one to settle this: titty contest!

This is bitch right here is actually a Panty Creamer of Forever and All-Time. This sexy lady has moves that will make men, women, animals and inanimate objects bust nuts (or vom chunks) over and over again.

This is apparently a 55-year-old hot piece of all-natural woman doing the "peen killing" mambo in some booty shaking contest during spring break in Fort Myers, FL. The person who uploaded this shit says that after she brought the funk, she flashed her saggy bags at the audience and tongue kissed a girl. She was later disqualified! Probably because the vibrations from all the throbbing peens caused a small earthquake and safety must come first.

And is it just me or does she kind of look like Phil Spector? Hold my fucking ass, I think THAT IS Phil Spector!

VIA Buzzfeed

....and without the wife beater on. Or the jeans. Or the socks. Or the cotton panties (I'm assuming). Or the socks. And he should be lubed and ready to go. Honestly, if your name is Christopher Robert Evans and you were born on June 13, 1981 in Boston, there should be a law that states it is illegal for you to wear any clothing of any type out in public. With our fucking luck, there's probably another 27-year-old Christopher Robert Evans from Boston who is fat, hairy and smelly. If my proposed law passes, he'll be able to flaunt his grossness without punishment. That's a chance I'm willing to take, because this Chris Evans is pure sex.

Here's Chris out in L.A doing..... Oh, who cares?! Just stare hard and try to keep your panty pudding in one area. You don't want that shit flowing into the next cubicle.

I think I need to go and put my no-no in a tub of ice, because it's about to burn off from looking at these pictures of a shirtless Prince Hot Ginge dripping with pure sex while in Mauritius with that prude Chelsy Davy. Why is Chelsy not on that shit like Wino on a crack pipe? If you were at the beach with a shirtless Prince Hot Ginge, your knees would be in the sand and you'd be polishing the royal scepter. Fuck. Prince Hot Ginge would have to get a taser gun to keep me off his lightning rod. Even then, I'd still suck while getting electrocuted. Suck through the pain.

And can you believe Chelsy's just giving him a puny hug like they are first cousins or some shit? For shame! What a damn waste of a hot ginge.

Stop fighting it and just admit that you want to spin on this hot bitch's roided-up baby carrot stick. Then you want to smear his eyeliner and Wet 'n Wild foundation with your genitals while you seductively play with his sexy hair clip. Then you want to lick Carrot Bottom's Top's eyebrows, because they taste like chili powder and DEP gel (the combination is addictive). And don't get me started on that fur burger frying on his chin.

Go home tonight, pull a carrot out and try to tell it that you don't want to make sweet love to its god, Carrot Top. Look directly at it and try to lie. You won't be able to......

Okay, I'm starting to scare myself with my CT obsession. I'm backing away and throwing all my carrots out before it's too late.

Here's a gorgeous pickled carrot hunk with some douchey guinea pig person at the opening of Tacos and Tequilas in Las Vegas last night.