Hot Slut of the Week

Birthday: Do beautiful angels have birthdays?
Age: See above.
Birth Name: If you know this info, let a bitch know!

Original Date of HS of the Day: February 6, 2009
Claim to Fame: This. And that's it.

Where is she now? Getting a beach scene painted on her nails or probably dipping herself in Tang. Either or.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because this is what all spokeswhores should look and sound like. Wrigley's and Kellogg's should "cawl" this bitch up. And I'm investigating as to whether or not this hot bitch is in fact Sabrina from MTV's "True Life: I'm Getting Married 1." This has not been confirmed, but I pray it's true!

Birthday: October 1954
Age: 54 (but she claims she's 688 years-old)
Birth Name: Maria Antonia Perez Sanchez

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 25, 2009
Claim to Fame: Aramis is a low-budget Spanish TV star who made headlines after claiming she screwed James Hewitt in the back of an SUV on a beach. Aramis also claims she's the world's only true witchy poo poo who has lived 7 lives and knows the cure for AIDS.

Where is she now? Most likely cleaning up the mirror she broke after looking at it. It broke because it was afraid of her intense witch powers!

Why is he HS of the Week? We here at Dlisted have a special place in our black souls for delusional bitches with faces like Jocelyn Wildenstein's twatty lips. We especially love it when said delusional bitches have eyebrows that can make a Sharpie weep.

And let's all celebrate Aramis' natural beauty by watching this photo montage of her:

Birthday: I don't know, but I hope he gets a giant cupcake on that day!
Age: ?
Birth Name: Stains

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 24, 2009
Claim to Fame: Stains became an instant star after The Soup posted a clip of an evil witch teasing him with a tray of beautiful white cupcakes with sprinkles (!!!). Stains was able to resist but I'm sure he put a spell on that bitch Victoria with his hypnotic eyes. Not only is Victoria allergic to cupcakes now, but Stains has banished her to the cupcake field. Don't fuck with Stains.

Where is he now? Probably still trying to eat those cupcakes with his eyes.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because any bitch who can restrain themselves from an eating a cupcake for that long deserves every accolade this world has to offer. And Stains and Spaghetti Cat totally need to star in a remake of Milo & Otis.

Birthday: 1963ish
Age: 45
Birth Name: I don't know!

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 14, 2009
Claim to Fame: Famous Russian hairdresser, make-up artist, pop star, sex symbol, ladyman, tranny lion..etc...etc.. A plastic surgeon's scalpel is also his best girlfriend.

Where is he now? Probably getting ass fucked with a tube of glitter lipgloss or getting his nostrils pinched for the ten millionth time.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because SerGAY really makes me want to quit this bitch, move to Russia and get a job gluing glitter on his no-no. And he should also get some recognition for his transformation from Beethoven look-alike to the pretty Russian lady that is eager to meet you (see your spam box for details). And if that hasn't sold you, just watch the video for his song "Dolce & Gabbana (aka the guido's anthem)."

Birthday: ?
Age: 24
Birth Name: Nikki Shamdassani

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 5, 2009
Claim to Fame: Saving reality TV! Basically. Nikki also goes by the name DJ Lady Tribe and La Loka. According to her Wiki (HA!), she was a graffiti artist in Los Angeles, but went to jail too many times, so she decided to become a DJ instead. And now Nikki Lady Loka (or whatever) is a national treasure for doing a shot from a test tube sticking out of another chick's vagina on Rock of Love Bus. Love isn't even a strong enough word to describe my feelings for her.

Where is she now? Probably teaching Dakota Fanning the ways of life. Seriously, she has a picture with Dakota Fanning on her MySpace.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because her time in the spotlight came to an end way too soon. I mean, look at this:

This is what we need more of.

Gif VIA Vh1 Blog

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Ian Golder

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 3, 2009
Claim to Fame: Ian is the expert of all experts when it comes to boxed mac and cheese. Watching him talk about that shit is like watching me talk about peen. He's so intense and serious-like about it!

Where is he now? Probably finding legal ways to marry a box of mac and cheese.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because anybody who creams (it's the cheesiest) their panties this much over processed cheese, deserves this accolade. And also because I went to his website. I am fascinated. I learned so much about him. He also gets a boner for cereal, he has a dog named Goulash, he's the only person who still uses Geocities to host their website and one of his favorite restaurants in Sacramento is called Pancake Circus. That latter tidbit sealed the deal.

I also learned that some whores eat boxed mac and cheese with sugar and cinnamon. People are really fucking sick!

Birthday: 1967ish
Age: 41ish
Birth Name: Christine Marinoni

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 25, 2008
Claim to Fame: Rojo is known for giving the world the gift of grace and beauty. She is the light in all of our lives. She is the reason we breathe.

Where is she now? Probably at Lowe's. Home Depot is way too cliche.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because if I didn't make this happen, Dlisted would collapse. And because I get at least a dozen e-mails a week asking for more Rojo! Sorry, whores. Rojo is like a lesbian unicorn. She is a rare miracle that only comes when the rainbow is low or when Men's Warehouse is having a clearance sale.

Birthday: Crazy
Age: Crazy
Birth Name: Crazy

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 19, 2008
Claim to Fame: Crazy. Seriously. Crazy. The Cheetah Lady has become a minor YouTube celebrity thanks to this CRAZY video of her plea to live in a condo, eat tacos and drink wine.

Where is she now? Hopefully, in the crazy house.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because I neeeeeed to know if she ever got into a condo. I also need her to make another video even though this one makes my soul cry. The other night, I was so wasted and I decided to play this video in several browser windows at the same time. Don't do that. It's like opening up the portal to the dark world.

And I think her "baby" Freda prays every night for a bolt of lighting to strike her or for an army of rabid mice to drag her to their den.

Birthday: October 7, 2008
Age:
Birth Names: Autumn, Ayumi, Amaya, Aki, Akoni and Ando!

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 7, 2008
Claim to Fame: Um. Being born. And also capturing my heart by napping all fucking day, tongue kissing their own private areas, sniffing at butt nuggets and basically trying to commit manslaughter on each other. It feels like it was just yesterday that they charmed me with their 23-hour long naps filled with whimpers.

Where are they now? Three of them have already left the world of show business for their new homes. Aki and Amaya will leave in a week or so. That's probably when the puppy cam will come down forever. I'm expecting the internet to go with it. What's the point of going on without them!

Why are they HS of the Week? Why not is the better question! These few weeks, I've lived, breathed and slept (I'm not going to say eaten) the Shiba Inu 6! They were my everything. I even skipped out on a couple of fuck sessions in order to spend more time with them. True story. That's real love.

Birthday: 1952ish
Age: 56
Birth Name: Jamie Parnell Spears

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 2, 2008
Claim to Fame: Daddy Spears is a construction worker turned celebrity chef turned Cheeto master! He's also a strong contender for breaking the Guinness World Record for holding the longest grouch face. Sorry, MiserAlba.

Where is he now? Making cheese grits with Velveeta (shudder) or frightening the children with his killer clown costume.

Why is he HS of the Week? I tossed salad and turned over this one. It was between Daddy Spears and Rex Smith, but then I read this article about how Daddy Spears pulled a knife on a reporter in 2002. SOLD! Contest over!

And since the subject is Cheetos, here's a clip from Brit Brit's On the Record that was only shown in Europe. The little Cheetoling looks like she's riding on a beautiful Qualude cloud.