Jakey Gyllenhaal
Friday, August 24th 2007
Jakey's Gal Pal Busted!!!
Austin Nichols was one of the stars of the now cancelled HBO series "John From Cincinatti" but he's probably most known for being one of Jake Gyllenhaa's main bitches and there were rumors that the two were bumping buttholes.
Austin was arrested in Jackson, Michigan early this morning on suspicion of drunken driving according to MLive.com. Austin was pulled over on N. Jackson Street at 2:30 this morning and given a breath test then taken to jail.
Busted gay face! He actually looks alright from the front, but turn him to the side and he looks like a caveman who's head has been bashed one too many times.
What's with these bitches and drunk driving? Is it just that everyone drinks and drives? I don't think I know one bitch who has gone to jail for drunk driving. Ok...my uncle did...and one of my cousins...and one of my friends....oh...and...I'll shut up.
Friday, August 17th 2007
Ryan No Likey Jake?
UsWeekly claims that Ryan Phillipe isn't so happy about Reese Witherspoon's relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal. I'm not sure why. They are just best girlfriends who shop and talk about boys and all that.
Reese has been romantically linked to Jake on and off again for the past couple of months. Reese has also been seen out with Ryan a few times sparking rumors that they are trying again to make their relationship work.
A source said, “Ryan is pissed about Jake. He didn’t want ‘that guy’ around their kids [son Deacon, 3, and daughter Ava, 7] and then made some crude Brokeback Mountain remark.”
Ryan has also been seen out with Abbie Cornish. She's the chick that he allegedly cheated on Reese with. They stopped seeing each other for a while, but they were spotted together last week.
Jake and Ryan need to drop the Reese and stop fighting what's natural. They want one another bad, but who's the top and who's the bottom. Who cares! I'd let them DP me in the stank. UGH! I need to stop and get help. I always have to go there.
Thursday, June 21st 2007
Not Renewing Their Contract
You mean to tell me that we didn't get one good picture of Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon together before they split?! Maybe, it was real. Nooo....they are just trying to make it look authentic.
A friend of Reese's said, “She has either called it off or is just taking a break."
"She cares for Jake, but the timing is crappy. She doesn’t have enough emotional space for him right now.”
Emotional space = A cock
Source: Us Weekly
Wednesday, May 30th 2007
Reese Is Still Jake's Main Beard!
After 3-months of dating Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are still an item. UsWeekly reports that the two recently had a date at the doctor's office. AHAHAH! The doctor probably head to teach Jake how the snake goes into the cave!
A witness saw the two leave the doctor's office. “Jake put his hand out of the sunroof and was waving, “says an eyewitness. “They looked totally in love.” WHAT?! They looked in love, because of that. That means every man, woman, child, dog, cat, snake, rock, poop is in love with me!
Friends of the couple say they are smitten with each other. Do I smell a wedding?
Friday, April 27th 2007
My Gay Uncle
How precious is this? Uncle Jakey with his niece, Ramona. This is so sweet. It was almost perfect until I saw pictures with that fugly fug Maggi.
Can't Jakey and Peter Sarsgaard kidnap Ramona and take her far, far away from that witch Maggie? They can raise her on a cattle ranch and take secret trips to the mountains...oh wait...that already happened and it ended in tragedy. Ok, eff that.
Source: I Heart Jake
Thanks JHO
Sunday, April 15th 2007
They Actually Make a Cute Couple
Jennifer Aniston received the "Favorite Fag Hag of America" award last night at the GLAAD media awards. Ok, actually she received the Vanguard award which is given to oldies that are barren and a gay's best friend. Ok, no...the Vanguard award is for people that spread gay awareness. How does she do that? I don't know, but ok.
Jake Gyllenhaal awarded Jen with her award and actually looked straight for a quick minute. He even pretended to check out her rack, but I'm guessing he was trying to figure out who she was wearing.
Nevertheless, they are the cuteness.
Wednesday, April 11th 2007
They Were Just Running Lines!!
According to rumors, Jake Gyllenhaal is currently romancing Reese Witherspoon. That little pairing hasn't stopped rumors that Jake has a little something special with Austin Nichols. According to the NYDN Jake and Austin were cooped up in his trailer for most of the day on the set of HBO's "John From Cincinnati." They also recently shared an intimate dinner in L.A. Jake's rep insists they are just friends.
They were just running lines! Wait, Jake isn't in that movie. Ok, they were just doing something really butch like building a deck or wiping down their pistols.
Thursday, April 5th 2007
Publicity Stunt
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are currently filming "Rendition" together in Los Angeles. Since filming began weeks ago there have been whispers that the two are quietly dating. Witnesses say the two were "canoodling" last month at Il Sole in Los Angeles.
Inside sources claims that Jake has met her two kids and isn't fazed by the fact that she has children.
Another source said, "[Reese] is still very, very hurt by Ryan and it will take a long time to get over that. [But she and Jake] have a mutual interest. They are taking it slow and getting to know each other."
Fake. Fake. Fake. Jake is using Reese to get closer to Ryan and Reese is using Jake, because he likes to play Barbies with her daughter.
Tuesday, March 6th 2007
Tighties Fetish
Jake Gyllenhaal was spotted in the underwear department of a Bloomingdale's recently sifting through all of the tightey whities. He was going through every single brand, taking them out and examining them.
A source said, "He looked very confused and had a furrowed brow . . . He was examining undies like an anthropologist in the city's most highly trafficked department store."
Damn! Can't a homo practice his fetish in peace without everyone tattling on him? Damn.
Thursday, March 1st 2007
Jake Gyllenhaal Quote of the Day!
on changing his niece's diaper:
"I wanted to see what it was like. So she handed me my niece and I put her down on the changing table and I un-knotted her organic diaper. I really never knew, and I am naive, of course, but I never knew that it was orange. I have a very short gag reflex. So when I saw it (I started gagging). I (was gagging) and handed her back!"
Source Thanks Gus
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