Jakey Gyllenhaal

 

Jakey G did not look happy having his picture taken while eating with one of his hags at Joan's On Third in West Hollywood yesterday. Reese isn't going to be happy. She wants to be his on and only beard. Sorry Reese! Jake has a lot of fake straight-love to give.

 

 

 

 

 

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were "spotted" going into the same bathroom together during a long flight from Frankfurt to Los Angeles reports Star Magazine. Someone thinks they were doing it. I can hear Jakey G giggling to that sentence right now. "Doing it with a girl? Ewwww..."

 

Anyway, this source said, “Reese and Jake kissed and cuddled together under a blanket in her recliner seat in the back row." Reese apparently then got up and went to the toilet and Jake followed her shortly thereafter going into the same toilet. Scandal.

 

“I started timing them - they were together in there for 11-minutes." Jake came out first and then Reese came out. I'm sure nobody "came" inside that bathroom.

 

Oh please! People need to stop with these falsities. Her tampon probably got stuck in her coochie and she needed her best girlfriend to help fish it out. I refuse to believe they are a couple!

 

Source

 

 

 

The National Enquirer claims Jake Gyllenhaal proposed to Reese Witherspoon, but she turned him down. Since I'm in London I'll say "BOLLOCKS!"

 

A source said, "Reese says it is just too soon after her divorce from Ryan to think about marrying again. She is madly in love with Jake, but her divorce just became final, and she doesn't want to rush into anything." 

 

I thought there was a writer's strike? Who is writing this work of fiction. I mean if Reese and Jake got hitched, all the gay angels would die.

 

Maybe this source saw Jake on his knees with a ring on, but it wasn't a marriage proposal that was going down. Jake was on his knees alright, but not in front of Reese. A ring was involved too, but I'm pretty sure cock rings don't have diamonds on them.  

 

 

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon put on some bootleg costumes to attend Kate Hudson's Halloween party last night. These celebrities could have almost any costume they want and they come up with this crap! Let me guess. Reese went as a dumb twit whose hair went white, because she had so much sexual frustration built-up from not getting effed by the gays she involves herself with. I know it's a stretch, but that's her costume! 

 

And Jake wanted to wear a fabulous sequined catsuit with that mask, but thought he'd better just put on a plaid shirt instead.

 

TMZ has a little video of Reese and Jakey trying to make their getaway. Ugh, they are so transparent! Looking like they don't want to get "caught." 

 

Source: Buzz Foto

 

 

 

 

The Daily Mail has pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon completely coming out in Rome. No, it's not the coming out we'd like, but oh well! The two have been holding hands and "canoodling" all over Rome.

 

Some of you may see a lovely couple in love walking the streets of Italy and I see two best-girlfriends gabbing about the latest gossip and beauty products. Sometimes girlfriends hold hands! It just looks so staged, but whatever!

 

Look at how he's looking at that male fountain. He totally wants a piece of that! 

 

 

 

 

 

*image removed per request*

 

Their movie is bombing, so what do they do? Throw them together again! Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon were photographed holding hands as they got off of a plane yesterday reports OK! Magazine . The magazine also reports they were kissing while leaving the plane.

 

Stop this fakery! Damn, is it worth it? They look cute, but come on. Wait....should I be buying this? I'm so confused! Jake let's meet on the men's bathroom floor, so you can tell me everything is going to be ok. The women's room floor is too cold.

 

 

 

During an interview with the Daily Mail, Jake Gyllenhaal was asked who he would like to be stuck in an elevator with?

 

He answered, "I know this isn't quite the same, but I was stuck in a women's bathroom once with Susan Sarandon. She was interviewing me for a magazine and we couldn't find a battery for our recording device,
so we ended up in a women's bathroom. I discovered two things that day: that the floor in a women's bathroom is colder than the floor in the men's. And believe me I've spent a lot of time on the floor of a men's bathroom
so I should know! And women pee louder than men do, even though we might not expect it. Maybe it's just American women. I don't know." 

 

What on Earth was Jake doing on the floor of a men's bathroom? Amateur! It's best when you're bent over the toilet. Why get your hand's dirty?  

 

Here's Jake at the Rome Film Festival premiere of "Rendetition" this past weekend. 

 

 

Source: Daily Mail (print edition, Oct. 22nd) 

 

 

 

 

 

I said last week that Jakey Gyllenhaal's beard wasn't doing anything for me. I change my mind. I've always had a unabomber fantasy and Jake is now the one that can make it come true. He can be Ted Kaczynski and I'll be the bomb. He'll have to tickle my wires to make me explode. OK! Stop! Don't get the gong. I tried! It's early.

 

Here's Jakey leaving Letterman yesterday.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last night was the Los Angeles premiere of "Rendeition" starring Jakey G and Reese Witherspoon. The two supposed exes kept their distance on the red carpet.  

 

I wish Jake would've kept his distance from that hideous pube beard. When will this trend end?! It's not hot! It's just not. He's just missing a lil' leather cap, a leather vest and some chaps! Full beards are not good on the inner thighs either. My inner thighs do not need to be exfoliated by a pube beard! 

 

Reese looks like Reese....cute...pretty....and boring as hell!