KFed
Monday, August 27th 2007
Just Another Day In the Life
First things first, remember Bit Bit (pictured above)? Where the hell is that dog. That was like her pride and joy last year and now I haven't seen that albino bitch in a long. Brit probably deep fried that ho up. Anyway, Brit has been freed of all dog abuse charges. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals wanted to speak to Brit about one of her dogs, London, breaking its leg.
The L.A. President of the SPCA said, “The dog didn’t need a real cast or surgery. There was just a splint put on the dog. The dog got under someone’s foot in the walk-in closet. It’s not that unusual for people to step on their dogs by accident or trip over them. Things like this can happen.” Uh huh, bitch found out KFed subppoenaed one of her friends again and kicked it in anger. Anyway, Brit is clear of all alleged wrong doing. Hooray for dogs of the world, NOT.
Earlier I wrote about child services launching an investigation against Brit Brit Spears. Well, DFCS said they are following up on tips they received from several anonymous sources. The sources claim Brit doesn't brush the boys' teeth, doesn't put them to bed and gives them booze to shush them up. Why couldn't she be my mom? Reportedly, Brit feeds the boys alcohol so they can be quiet and sleepy.
These supposed secret allegations ended up in legal papers filed by KFed's lawyer which makes it look like KFed was the one making the complaints.
DRAMZ! Jesus, I need a drink after all this. I should call up JJ and SPF, they probably know where the booze is cheap and unlimited.
Tuesday, August 21st 2007
He Is Going To Win An Emmy!
Yesterday, it was announced that KFed would be guest starring on "One Tree Hill." I thought it would be like a 10-second spot, but the show's creator said it's a multi-episode arc. KFed will play Jason, the cocky lead singer of the legendary rock band No Means Yes. HA! Rock band?! They should change that to Wigga band and then they'll be on to something.
He said this was not stunt casting and that KFed did great in his audition. "I have to honestly say he was a good fit for the character. I don't know anything about the kid but he seemed very sweet and very sincere about working hard and embracing the opportunity. It's just about being good in the role."
Oh come on! If he wasn't the ex-Mr. Britney Spears he wouldn't of been allowed to deliver lunch let alone audition!
KFed is totally going to win an Emmy then Steven Spielberg is going to see him in the show and cast him in his big-screen version of Macbeth and he will win an Oscar and then Britney will certifiably lose it and end up in the looney bin for the rest of eternity.
Monday, August 20th 2007
This Crap Is Still On?
Breaking! KFed got a job. Even though it's freelance....and probably part-time...well probably just one day work....and he probably won't get paid. Oh well!
KFed will guest star on one episode of "One Tree Hill." TMZ reports that KFed only agreed to do the spot if it didn't eff up his custody arrangements. It doesn't, so he'll be shooting in North Carolina this week.
I don't think I've seen one episode of that crap, but I'm guessing KFed will probably play one of five things:
1. Drug dealer
2. Janitor
3. Fast Food employee
4. Himself
5. Campus pothead
Watch for this bitch at Emmy time!
Monday, August 20th 2007
KFed Is A Good Father, Parties In Vegas
KFed took time from his busy schedule of sending out subpoenas to everyone in Britney Spear's life to party with a bunch of skanks at Tao in Las Vegas. Popozao is back!
While KFed was getting on ho on....Shar Jackson told TMZ that he is a great father even though he left her ass knocked up for Britney Spears. Shar is probably on KFed's payroll.
It disgusts me that I actually think KFed is a sexy piece of wigga hotness. With all that being said, I'm not sure is KFed is the best choice. I mean....this bitch doesn't even have a job! Britney's going to cut the check for KFed to be a stay at home daddy? Ain't that a bitch!
Just give the kids to a pack of wolves. They'll do a better job in raising those two.
Sunday, August 19th 2007
KFed Calls Promises To The Stand
Add the Promises rehab facility as the next bitch to be called by KFed in his custody battle against Britney Spears. KFed's attorney confirmed to Access Hollywood that an administrative executive was served. Brit served a month at Promises earlier this year.
The News of the World reports that KFed and his team have tracked down a brunette dancer that he claims Brit went lesbo with back in 2004 during her Hotel Onyx Tour. Sources claim that Brit met the woman at gay club Pan in Copenhagen and invited her back to her hotel with KFed.
A source said, "Britney was all over the brunette in the cab. They went upstairs together at the hotel."
KFed believes this woman can help his case.
So...Brit went lesbo one night? That hardly makes her an awful mother. Actually, that makes her quite interesting.
KFed is calling everyone and their damn mother. He seriously should call all of us to the stand. We've witnesses this trainwreck from the beginning and we can provide key testimony! I'm not even joking.
Wednesday, August 15th 2007
Britney Hit KFed With A Frying Pan?
Britney Spears story #3 of the day! This hilarity never never never never never never ever ends! The National Enquirer reports that KFed's star witnesses in the custody battle for SPF and JJ will be home movies taken from their 15 security cameras that were installed in their Malibu mansion.
The Enquirer claims:
“If he doesn’t act immediately, Kevin is convinced that Britney’s drug use, boozing and out-of-control behavior will result in a tragic accident.” To bolster his case, Kevin has obtained video footage from 15 surveillance cameras that Britney installed in their $12 million mansion is Malibu. The sophisticated security system recorded activity in the home from the front gates to the kitchen in 2005 and 2006, according to insiders.“This is the smoking gun Kevin has been waiting to use,” said an insider. “Kevin said: Divorce that bitch and then get my boys away from her.’” In one tape, Britney slaps Kevin after screaming at him about a weekend he spent in Vegas. In another incident taped Britney whacked Kevin with a frying pan. “Kevin was going to use the frying pan, but Britney grabbed it and hit him with it when he turned his back,” said the insider. “He grabbed the pan out of her hand and walked away, but she hurled an ashtray at him. He dodged it, and it hit the sliding glass door.” In addition to the video tapes, Kevin has voicemail tapes of Britney admitting she was out drinking with friends, the insider revealed. “Kevin believes that Britney lets the boys run around with dirty diapers because she’s too lazy to change them.”
SHOW THIS VIDEO NOW! I demand to see it. Actually, KFed should submit it to "America's Funniest Home Video." He could win $100,000! He WOULD win $100,000!
The image of Britney chasing KFed around with a frying pan seems so natural to me.
Image: Splash
Monday, August 13th 2007
I Knew It Was Money!
TMZ is reporting that KFed's fighting the fight for full custody of SPF and JJ, possibly because of cash money. KFed and Britney Spears currently share 50/5, but last week he filed papers asking for 70/30.
It's puzzling that Kevin is suddenly alarmed, given that he's had absolutely no contact with Spears for almost three months. In fact, we're told she's begging him to communicate because of parenting issues but he won't play ball.That brings us to the paperwork Federline filed. Sources say there are declarations from Kevin, both of his lawyers, Kevin's nanny and a nanny who interviewed with Britney is October, 2006, before the couple separated. In the papers, Federline's lawyer also included various magazine articles about Britney. Legal experts say good luck getting that into evidence.
Alli Sims, Britney's cousin, was served over the weekend. Kevin's lawyer wants to take her deposition. Now here's what's telling. Federline's lawyer also wants to take Britney's depo, but a source connected with Alli says the deposition notice Britney received is all financial -- in other words, the references are all about money, not the kids.A Federline source says it's all about the kids and not money. Federline wants Britney under oath talking about whether she drinks and how she parents the kids.
KFed attorney is also asking Britney to pay his legal fees which are reportedly in the six-figures. KFed can't pay his bills!
Let's just get this over with and enroll JJ and SPF in the Brangelina program. They've probably already applied, but I'll try and more their application to the top.
I'm still holding on in thinking that KFed is just misunderstood and wants what's best for his kids and not his checking account. It's probably a pipe dream, though.
Monday, August 13th 2007
KFed's Big Screen Dreams Are Crushed!
KFed was all set to make a small cameo during a montage in the Keanu Reeves film "The Night Watchman." At one point the rumor was that KFed had a supporting role opposite Keanu. A source claims that KFed was fired and his manager never told him.
"Kevin found out when he turned up for a wardrobe call."
The film also stars Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie and Chris Evans. The production company said KFed never had a role in the movie.
Pleeeeaaaaseeeeeeee....I don't even think the Bratz movie would take his ass! Unless they are making a movie about stupid ass douche bitches who can't rap, I don't think KFed is going to see the silver screen anytime soon. Well, he'll see at the $2 movie theater of course.
Source: NYDN
Sunday, August 12th 2007
KFed Means Business
KFed is either out for blood or he's out for a little publicity. I'm not sure why he had his lawyer send Alli Sims, cousin to Britney Spears, legal papers at 2:30am this morning while she was leaving a party.
An "elite" security firm served her the papers in the Hollywood Hills. Witnesses say she was all ashamed and shit.
The papers are a deposition subpoena compelling Sims to testify about Spears's parenting skills. She will apparently be grilled on everything.
This is all part of KFed's plan to get full custody of SPF and JJ.
That would effin suck to be getting your Mojito on when some bitches break your buzz with legal crap.
Britney is up shit creek! They better put this shit on TV, because I need to hear Nancy Grace's comments on it.
Sunday, August 12th 2007
Spot The Douche!
How could these morons all gather in the same room? I would think the joint would explode from the extreme "toolism." Yes, that's KFed, Pete Wentz, DJ Steve Aoki, Benji Madden, Cisco Adler and Joel Madden in Brett Ratner's basement!
They shot this picture to go along with an article in Vanity Fair , yes VF, about how hooking up with startlets have taken these dude's fame to the next level.
You can read the article here , it's damn six pages long. What the hell is there to say about these asses that takes six pages?! I would think it would only take six letters: DOUCHE.
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