Brit Brit and KFed were both at a child custody hearing today. There was a press conference afterwards and I was hoping for a little Dollhouse Dude action, but he wasn't there. Where oh where is he? He's too famous for that shit anyway. He's probably on an international comedy tour or possibly sitting in the Smithsonian. We knew him when......
Anyway, TMZ reports that there were some changes in Brit and KFed's custody arrangement. The Commish has reportedly given Brit Brit overnight visitations. She previously had 3 days of vitiations from 9am to 5pm.
There will be another hearing on July 15th.
I'm sure SPF and JJ are pretty fucking excited. KFed only allows them to take a bong hit before bedtime, but mommy lets them have a couple of bong hits and a whole cup of Purple Drank!
What's a better way of celebrating Daddy and Pepaw Day than by honoring one of the greatest fathers of all-time, KFed? There's no better way! Look at this dumb bitch. Even he's laughing at the fact that Prive Las Vegas named him their "Father of the Year."
The cheap ass trophy was given to him by the club's two owners in the back kitchen away from the crowd! Something tells me KFed didn't want his precious diamante earrings to get damaged by the thousands of boos, so he decided to accept his trophy in private. If you can't stand the heat, get in the kitchen!
KFed told UsWeekly, "I'm surprised." Duh. I'm sure SPF and JJ are surprised too. Daddy's going to bring home the trophy and they are going to shout, "WTF?!"
KFed wasn't the only member of the Cheeto gang in Las Vegas last night. Brit Brit and her daddy were also there, but didn't attend KFed's illustrious back kitchen ceremony. She partied at the Palms instead. You know they met up later and he showed her his "award." An award that I'm pretty sure is made out of chocolate and covered in gold foil.
Happy Daddy Day to one and all!!!
Brit Brit Spears has never loved a tool the way that she's loved KFed and Daddy Spears knows this. That's why he's offered KFed $4.5 million to remarry Brit so says Star Magazine.
A source said that Daddy Spears has been trying to get KFed back in Brit's life for a long ass time now. He's been in negotiations with KFed while keeping it from Brit.
The source went on to say that Daddy's latest offer to KFed is $4.5 million. I hope he's not dipping into Brit's frapp fund. That wouldn't be funny. The source said, “His latest offer is $4.5 million in cash and a trust account set up with another $5 million if Kevin moves back in with Britney within a year. If they actually remarry, Jamie will add another $5 million to Kevin’s account.”
KFed is playing hard ball and he wants $20 million and refuses to sign a prenup when they remarry. That KFed. Once a whore always a whore.
This is obviously a bunch of lie-telling. I mean, you know KFed would remarry her ass for a year supply of XXL Fruit of the Loom white t-shirts and a $100 gift certificate to Dave & Buster's. It doesn't take much.
If Daddy Spears is willing to spend that kind of cash, he should hire the best. I'm talking about Sarah Larson. The ho doesn't have a client right now and she'll never leave Brit Brit. Seriously, you can program her to do whatever you want. She can probably make frapps and homemade Cheetos. Homemade Cheetos!
I couldn't fucking complete that sentence! But you get the picture. KFed is getting an award for being such an exceptional papa je'e to SPF and JJ. The award is being given out by High Times magazine. No! It's being handed out to him by Prive nightclub in Las Vegas. Same thing.
People reports that this prestigious honor will be presented to him at the club. I'm guessing they are going to give him a pimp cup trophy, a lap dance and a body shot off of the cocktail waitress of his choice.
Who the hell were the other nominees? Jacko and Papa Joe? Prive should also name Xtina mother of the year. Sorry White Oprah, but it really is Xtina's year.
Sucio alert! Star Magazine claims that Brit Brit and KFed have been enjoying late-night phone sex sessions. It all started when Brit Brit couldn't sleep, so she decided to call KFed at 2am. At first they talked about SPF and JJ, but their conversation quickly turned into sloppy, greasy phone sex. Nasty.
A source said, "They have phone sex often — at least once a week. The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred."
That isn't right. That's a 3,000 calorie phone call right there. I bet Brit tells him, "Ya'll wanna stick yer cheeto puff in mah dunkin donuts?" Extra frosting!
A Brit Brit and KFed phone sex sessions sounds like the worst episode of Crank Yankers ever.
The Insider has confirmed that Brit Brit will reprise her role as Abby in "How I Met Your Mother." Production on her episode begins today and it will air May 12th.
FOX released the episode's synopsis: "Barney and Abby realize that they have one thing in common, their mutual hatred of Ted. The new 'couple' decides to go to the bar to flaunt their new relationship in Ted's face. Desperate to get a rise out of his former pal, Barney pops a surprising question to Abby. "
Two things spring to mind. One, I hope they make Doogie Howser swap spit with Brit Brit. That kiss would turn him gay....again. Second, the surprising question better be, "Brit, can I see what's underneath that busted weave?" Seriously, I need to know what's hiding under there. Methinks it's London and Carla. They are keeping themselves alive by eating the Cheeto dust that is constantly floating around Brit.
In other Brit news, TMZ reports that Brit and KFed's Child Custody Evaluation report was delivered to lawyers on Friday. The report is several hundred pages long and their source claim it's both "encouraging and damaging for Britney." A hearing is scheduled May 6th.
This shit needs to be leaked! It sounds like perfect Summer reading!
Brit Brit is coming full circle. She's already reportedly reunited with Larry Rudolph and now she's trying to get back into KFed's bed? That's if you believe Star Magazine. They claim Brit and KFed had a secret meeting during Easter weekend. During this secret meeting, they decided they should run away to Maui for a couple of days. I think this source got it wrong. KFed asked Britney for more money, because he wanted to buy some Maui Wowie. He doesn't want to run away with her to Maui!
A source said, “Kevin wants to take Britney away to see if there is anything to salvage between them. When he suggested it to her, she told him she was ready to go anytime he was.”
The sourcie also claims she bought him a $138,000 diamond watch. Again! It wasn't $138,000. It was $138 and it was for the Maui Wowie! That shit is gooood. Even Brit knows it.
If this is true, then I hope their second wedding is just as elegant as their first. I'm thinking White Castle for the ceremony and Hooter's for the reception.
I think I'm more interested in the Shiloh chipping her tooth story. She probably tripped while walking down the aisle as the flower girl in Brangelina's wedding. You know, the wedding that never was.
KFed celebrated the big 3-0 in Las Vegas last night with a Birthday extravaganza filled with A-listers. Ok, there wasn't any A-listers. There wasn't any B or C-listers either. There was Shar Jackson and that's about it. I don't even know what list she's on. The tool list probably. Shar was only brought into this world to talk about KFed and Britney. Seriously, that's all she fucking does is comment on their business.
Oh and KFed's shark lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, also showed. You know that bitch is billing KFed for his time at the party and by "KFed" I mean Britney, because she pays the bills.
KFed spent the night in the VIP section of the club with his friends where he downed Jack, danced on the sofa and held up a "FDRLINE" license plate. Summer's Eve needed to sponsor that event, because it sounds like it was douche central.
TMZ has a hilarious video of KFed rambling to the crowd about gambling or some shit like that. I'm pretty sure only Vanilla Ice, Eminem and Spuds McKenzie could understand what the hell he was saying. The crowd was not feeling him and they booed his ass! It's your Birthday and boo your ass if I want to! It couldn't have happened to a better douche.
KFed and Daddy Spears will reportedly join forces to manage a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles. This is a brilliant idea since neither of them are Mexican and L.A. definitely needs more Mexican restaurants. Money maker! Brit Brit will apparently fund the joint. When I say "Brit Brit will fund the joint" I mean Daddy Spears will use her money since he's the HBIC of her finances.
A source said, “K-Fed wants to take over a Mexican place in LA with him and Jamie as managers. The restaurant, called Casa Cordobes, has been a favorite of Kevin’s for a while. He ate there with Britney. Now the owner wants to retire he really wants to run it. Kevin and Jamie get along well nowadays and Jamie is keen to get back into the restaurant game.”
This sounds like a fucking 80s sitcom. They should let Brit Brit takeover the menu. Think of all the delicious things she could come up with! I'm thinking Frapp flan, Huevos Rancheetos, carne asucka and orange soda horchata.
KFed's celebrating the big 3-0 at the douche dungeon aka Pure in Las Vegas next Friday. PageSix.com is claiming KFed is getting the greatest gift of all for his Birthday. He's getting cold hard cash from Pure. Sources tell them he's getting paid at least six figures and one source said he's making $175,000 for the night. "Kevin is a big spender, and a draw for the crowds. So the money he gets is nothing compared to the money they make" said one inside bitch.
Big spender my ass lips! Earlier this week, Brit's lawyer blasted KFed for wanting her to pay his legal bills because he makes more money than he lets on.
Paying money to be around drunk KFed fans sound like a fucking blast. I think I'll skip that tampon soiree and look for the pictures on Hot Chicks with Douchebags. That's what 99% of the club is going to look like.