Janet Jackson

Okay, to be fair to Janet Jackson, she only looks like she snarls at the Whos while perched atop Mount Crumpit in the picture above. In the rest of the pictures, she doesn't look like she's going to snatch away Christmas anytime soon. The photographer just caught her at her grinchiest moment.

Here's more pictures of Janet at London Fashion Week looking aaaaaaaaalmost as naturally gorgeous as La Toya (I don't mean that, La Toya). Janet was also lucky enough to pose with the sexy matchstick known as Tilda Swinton.

Entertainment Tonight says that Janet Jackson and Colin Farrell had an "intimate" dinner together at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week. Colin and Janet were sitting side-by-side in a booth.

No, Janet was not using Colin's pubes to floss her teeth after their meal. No, Colin was not hitting Janet from the back while she was bent over the table. No, Janet was not dipping Colin's peen into blue cheese dressing and smothering it all over her lips. They were just having dinner. But obviously they must be swapping genital jelly, because celebwhores cannot have dinner together unless they are doing sex to each other. Factual.

And Colin's Polish girlfriend just had a baby! Colin should be at home burping babies, not running around town burping vaginas.

During a cold night recently, Detective La Toya made Janet Jackson a Hot Toddy, sat her down in a leather armchair in front of a roaring fire, and told her that she conducted a thorough investigation on their brother's death, which revealed that he was killed by the hands of Dr. Conrad Murray! A wolf howled, a bolt of lightning struck the night and the truth came crashing down on Janet. In that moment, Janet not only realized that La Toya is the second coming of Sherlock Holmes, but suddenly everything made sense.

In an interview with ABC News, Janet echoes La Toya's statement that Dr. Con killed their brother, "He was the one who was administering. I think he should be responsible." Janet believes that he should never be able to practice medicine again.

Dr. Con has admitted to administering the anesthetic propofol, but he seems to think that he didn't kill Michael.

Dr. Con just needs to give it up already. You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape Detective La Toya!

UsWeekly is shouting that Charlene Duprey and one of the long-lost Keebler elves have quit each other after 7 years. A source says that Jermaine Dupri was telling people that the reason why he didn't go to Michael Jackson's memorial was because he "doesn't attend funeral," but the truth is he wasn't with Janet anymore.

Apparently, Janet decided that she wanted to keep her peen time and business time separate. The source went on to say, "You shouldn't mix business with pleasure. Janet felt their lives were too crossed and they should have kept things sepa­rate. Jermaine likes to be out there, mingling with everybody, and ­Janet's more shy."

Or maybe Janet was just sick of having to answer a riddle every time she wanted to spend time with Jermaine.

Here's a clip that will wash off the thin layer of skeeziness left by the grand master of whoring Joe Jackson (see below). Janet didn't walk the red carpet or promote anything, she simply just spoke from the heart before a tribute performance by Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx (no comment on that one).

Jermaine Dupri showed his love for Janet Jackson by getting a tattoo of her a few steps from his hairy pit area. This isn't confirmed, but I'm pretty sure that's Vadge's sascrotch is leasing space on Jermain's pit. I'd recognize that overgrown pussy bush anywhere! Somebody please put a maxi-pad over it!

I know you're thinking that the tattoo is a little big, but it really isn't if you think about it. I mean, Jermaine is the size of a Travelocity gnome, so that tattoo isn't bigger than your thumb. See, not that big.

Hopefully, Janet doesn't feel like she has to return the love token by getting his lil ogre face tattooed on her. That would be considered body abuse.

VIA the.LIFE Files

Janet Jackson hasn't performed in her Rock Witchu Tour since last month. It all started when she suddenly canceled her September 29th Montreal show, because she got sick or something during sound check. After that, she started axing dates left and right. She never gave a reason why. Some whores thought she was knocked up, others blamed her outfits and some said her tickets weren't selling so she pretended to be sick to save face. It looks like it was that damn Sanjaya mohawk on her head! Janet's spokeswhore said she's been suffering from a rare kind of migraine called vestibular migraine which causes her to experience vertigo. She's receiving treatment and is doing better.

Janet's whore said, "Janet is a world-class entertainer and needs to be at the top of her game to give her fans the show they expect. She's feeling much better and is ready to hit the road again."

People reports that she will perform tonight in Washington D.C. She was supposed to take the stage in NYC tomorrow, but that show has been rescheduled for November 1st. Janet's bitches are currently trying to work out new dates to make up for the postponed ones.

Bitch needs to release that mess on top of her head and let her brains breathe. JJ should also change all the costumes in her show, because looking at that shit can't be good on the brains. Personally, I still think she's traumatized from Troll Dupri barfing on her ass.

Charlene DuPrey was released from the hospital only 2 hours after some mystery illness put her in there. Last night, Janet checked into the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal after she got sick during sound check. Janet's rep still wouldn't say what the issue was. Apparently, Janet has also canceled her show in Boston tomorrow night. RIOT!

When I first read about this shit, I figured Janet had grossness coming out of one of her holes. I figured she had the butt or mouth runs. But a source tells People that Janet has the common celebrity illness known as exhaustion. The source said that Janet's touring schedule is wearing down on her 42-year-old body.

Janet's gnome boyfriend Troll Dupri should be with her ass. He could run her a Calgon bath, make her some Sleepytime tea and put on the Emmy Awards. Seriously, the Emmy Awards will have you dreaming of anal beads and unicorns in 10-seconds flat. Instead of being with Janet, Troll was partying in NYC! A source close to him said: "If [Janet's condition] was more serious he would've rushed to her side."

That's cold. It would only take Troll Dupri a second to get from NYC to Montreal! All he has to do is hop on the next rainbow and he's there!

Janet Jackson suddenly got sick during sound check before her concert in Montreal last night and had to be rushed to the hospital. The show was canceled at the last minute. Janet's spokesbitch said she's currently laid up in the hospital and will reschedule the show. They wouldn't give anymore details.

Maybe Janet got a good look at herself in the mirror in that costume? Naw. I blame Troll Dupri's venomous troll barf! Even thinking of his chunky vom made me feel ill. Or maybe we should be blaming Troll's fertile goblin spermies? Shudder. She's going to give birth to one of those troll pencil toppers.

Source

Mini people Janet Jackson and Troll Dupri were having an elf of a time at his 36th birthday party at Tenjune in NYC the other, when he had to ruin it all by barfing all over Miss Jackson (if you're nasty). Page Six reports that Troll was guzzling champagne and tequila all night when he suddenly got the urge to purge and couldn't wait to run into the little boy's room. After Troll up chucked his goblin slime all over Janet, she got up and busted out of that joint to go home. Sucio. His barf probably smells like rotten chipmunk bits and soil covered roots. Well, that's what trolls eat! Ask the Olsens.

I'm sorry, but there is no need to barf off someone if you can help it. Yes, I've puked on bitches before, but I meant to! Sometimes a dumb bitch just deserves a hot pile of vom in their lap.

You know, usually you're given a few seconds warning, so you can get your little ass up and at least unload it on a stranger. If I was Janet, I would cancel that fucking relationship pronto. Barfing on me is a deal breaker unless I pre-approved that mess. Janet is a kinky bitch, so maybe she's into that shit.