Maybe the Purecaf I inject directly into my temples every morning has yet to hit my brain, but is that a fresh field of stubble on Mo'Nique's legs at the Oscar nomination ceremony in Beverly Hills this morning? Mo'Nique has long been a champion for the "FUCK RAZORS" movement, so there must be a good reason for why she let a lady BIC scoot against her body. And by a "good reason" I mean A CHECK with a bountiful amount of zeros on it. I'd like to think that Mo'Nique didn't make it easy. They had to hold Mo'Nique down on a sticky bed of NADS, play Jewel's "Intuition" backwards and threaten her with an Epilator if she didn't let them shave her legs.
About that Epilator, one day we'll have to talk about all the unfortunate experiences I've had with that devil tool. But I don't know if we'll ever get to have that conversation. The world is definitely changing for the worst now that Mo'Nique is no longer shampooing and conditioning her leg fur every evening.
This weekend in Los Angeles, there's going to be an award show held every damn half hour. I think Denny's is giving out their Rooty Tooty Fresh In Movies Awards this afternoon (hosted by Kirstie Alley's nutritionist). Last night was the Independent Spirit Awards, which honors independent spirits or some shit.
Precious was the big (no pun intended) last night picking up a million awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress for Gabourey Sidibe, Best Supporting Actress for Mo'nique, Best Screenplay, and Best Performance By A Plate of Hairy Pig's Feet (which surprisingly did not go to Mimi). Unfortunately, those dumb bitches didn't give a nod to Mimi's stache, which was the real star of that movie. However, Mimi still showed up to sprinkle her Hello Kitty ho-ness all over the event....and because she heard the bottle pop.
Other awards went to Jeff Bridges in Cray-Cray Heart for Best Actor and Woody Harrelson in The Messenger for Best Supporting Actor.
And now for pictures! In order: Mimi, Maggie GyllenSAAG with Peter Sarsgaard, Pierce Brosnan with his wife Keely, Roger Ebert with his wife Chaz, The Beaver Director Jodie Foster (that's her new full name now), Mo'nique (and her furry caterpillar stems) with her husband Sidney, Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe, Mena Suvari, Lenny Kravitz with his daughter Zoe, Jason Stackhouse from True Blood, Jennifer Grey (A MESS), John Waters and Jeff Bridges.
When it comes to Mo'Nique's husband passing that peen around, she says she doesn't have a problem with it. But when it comes to a razor touching her hairy limbs, Mo'Nique says, "Fuck no!"
During Barbara Walters Oscar Special (which airs on Sundee), Mo'Nique said that she hasn't effed a dude outside of her marriage, but she wouldn't divorce her husband if he stuck it in another bitch. Mo'Nique explained, "Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker. That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage. What if it's 20 times? So what? We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband."
Whatever works for you is what I say. If Mo'Nique doesn't care if her husband comes home smelling like foreign vagina, strawberry lube and strange sperm, then more power to her. Who cares what others say. DO YOU.....even if your husband is off doing everybody else.
And you're wrong if you think that Mo'Nique's husband might run off to somebody else's bed because of her hairy legs. Mo'Nique says that her husband loves the fact that her legs look like Robin Williams' dick: "He loves the hairy legs and if Sid likes the hairy legs, there you go. I tried shaving one time, and it was so uncomfortable and painful. I said never again would I do that to myself. I'm 42 and I'm very hairy."