Engagements

 

Deny! Deny! Deny! Ashlee Simpson and Kim Kardashian have both denied they are engaged to UsWeekly . Ashlee was spotted yesterday wearing some ring on her engagement finger, but her rep says that she is not promised to Pete Wentz.

 

Kim Kardashian was rumored to have gotten engaged to Reggie Bush, but she told UsWeekly, "Like he would marry me?! I'm a whore!." No...she said, "It's not true. Not yet!"

 

I love the "not yet" part. She's optimistic. NOT EVER, I hope.  

 

Again, I don't believe when celebrities deny this crap. They are all liars! They are lie tellers! I think Ass and Pete might be engaged, because I can see those two nerds getting married. I don't see Reggie proposing to Kim K anytime soon though.

 

 

 

PageSix.com has pictures of that twit, Asshole Simpson, and her douche walking around in Miami on New Year's day. Ass flashed a ring on her left hand sparking rumors that she's engaged.  

 

I wouldn't be flashing around that crappy ring if I was her. It's probably her promise ring to Papa Joe. There's no way P.J. would let his lil' Ashlee get hitched. He probably made her promise herself to him in one of those creepy Father Daughter Purity Balls! 

 

 

 

 

 

Please don't tell me Reggie Bush proposed that slut Kim Kardashian. Why marry the cow when you can get the booty for free or something like that? OK! Magazine reports that 22-year-old Reggie popped the question to 27-year-old Kim in Miami during the New Year holiday.

 

Kim didn't wear a rock on New Year's Eve, but she did tell OK! that she was keeping her private life...private. Yeah, that's why you're in a reality show then? Dumb slut! She said, "One thing I did learn from ‘07 was to try to keep it as private as possible so I’m trying to hold that close to my heart but I’m here with everybody that I love."

 

Reggie is only 22! He needs to get that booty, get it out of his system and move on. Kim is cute and all that, but she's a slut! She can't help it. She wants as many dicks as possible and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

 

 

I was just wondering if Sienna Miller was alive the other day. She seems to have kept herself out of trouble and out of the internet for a while now. So here's a little Sienna Miller story just so we never forget our favorite tart.

 

Sienna has been dating Rhys Ifans for a while now and The Sun reports he will pop the question on her 26th Birthday, today! Happy 26th Sienna! You don't look a day over 40.

 

A source said that Rhys wrote her a poem in his Native welsh tongue. SICK! I say read her the poem while eaching her coochie. That's probably the only way she could stomach that sappy sickness coming out of his mouth.

 

Rhys has also taken his sweet shit to another level. “He’s collected ten presents for Sienna of varying shapes, sizes and prices. They are all part of his plan for a romantic night in with a mountain of presents. Sienna is having a bit of an age crisis, feeling that she hasn’t done enough with her life."

“So Rhys, whose philosophy is to live and enjoy every day, has penned a poem about their brilliant future together, all her achievements in life so far and always seizing the moment."

Who knew these two were so damn cheesy? Fruitcakes! I hope one of his ten gifts include 2-tickets to the damn Bermuda Triangle. Get rid of them.

Rhys apparently had a Welsh designer custom make a ring for her. Couples like them make me barf. Yes, I believe in love, but I also believe in not trying to make other people vomit. They probably leave post-it notes with "I love you cuddle bear" on the fridge. GROSS!

 

 

Knocked up Jessica Alba has been wearing a diamond engagement ring lately. Perhaps Cash Warren has decided to make her an honest woman. You know she paid for it. If she didn't Cash probably out-douched Spencer Pratt and bought that shit at Spencer's Gifts.

 

You know for someone who's expecting a bundle of joy homegirl is extremely grouchy. I love it when she covers her face like all the time. She looks like such a tool!

 

UPDATE: Yes, bitch is engaged. Her rep told People , "I can confirm that they are engaged."  I'm thrilled to hear this....can you tell?

 

 

 

 

Josh Duhamel and Fuggie Fug are engaged! Congrats to Joshey and his meth-face-pee-peeing fiancee! Josh's rep confirmed to TMZ that he popped the question to her recently, but would not give anymore details. I'm sure she just about peed in her pants. Literally.

 

The above picture of Josh and Fuggie is a little old, but it showed her face in its true meth-face-alien glory. I want Josh to know what he's going to look at for the next...well....I give it 2 more years. Max.

 

 

 

 

 

25-year-old Tiffany Pollard aka New York is engaged to Tailor Made after all. New York chose 32-year-old Tailor Made (real name George Weisberger) on "I Love New York 2's" finale a couple of weeks ago. He proposed then, but she turned him down.

 

A source told People that he proposes again on the reunion show which airs January 6th and she says yes. A source said, “They are madly in love. They are a great couple.”

 

Tailor Made is currently divorcing his current wife. He's a retail planner from Queens, New York. He said, “Our personalities complete each other. I cherish her and want to cater to her every need. But I’m not a doormat. We have a good balance.”

 

Congrats! They'll have to marry overseas though, because two dudes can't get married in New York. And 25 my ass!

 

Image: Vh1 Blog

 

 

 

Jessica Alba might be engaged to Cash Warren reports the SFGate . Jessica's Fantastic Four co-star, Doug Jones, was speaking at some film festival over the weekend when he said, "Jessica and her fiance are wonderful, and they're going to make the most beautiful babies ever." Basically, they don't want a bastard.

 

Jessica was also spotted wearing an engagement type ring the other day. She's already turned down 3 offers from magazines asking her to pose nude. Well, at least this girl has some brains. Posing nude while knocked up is OUT! Cover your shit up.

 

Here's Grouchy McGrouch leaving the Dior store in Beverly Hills yesterday. Jessica kept asking the paps to keep away and even had the fuzz escort her to her car. Stay home then you damn cow! And I love how that dude is trying to cover up her face below. He's doing a good job. Hahaha....I can still see her face dumb dumb! You failed at protecting Jessica. You are no bodyguard. Kevin Costner would not be proud.  

 

 

Splash , Wenn

 

 

 

 

28-year-old Jennifer Love Hewitt is engaged to 32-year-old actor Ross McCall reports UsWeekly. JLove's spokeswhore said, "They got engaged last week."

 

The two are currently in Hawaii where these pictures of JLove in a bikini were taken. Some people are calling her "fat" and others are calling her "perfect." I'm just calling her "annoying." Fat or perfect, she's still annoying.

 

I wonder if Ross gave her a pear-shaped diamond to match her pear-shaped body. She does have a baby making ass.