Well Well Well

A 22-year-old woman has made history while making the wet dreams of thousands of foot fetishists (I'm looking at you, Quentin Tarantino) come true when doctors confirmed that she's got a third nipple on the bottom of her foot. That dark mound might look like the face of a Kardashian without her makeup on, but it's actually a hairy areola. When I blow out my birfday candles every year, I always wish that I'll wake up with a nipple on each ass cheek, but I'll settle for a foot nipple!

The medical staff who discovered the woman has a case of the Marky Marks on one of her feets explained her special nipple like this:

"A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair. Microscopic examination of the dermis showed hair follicles, eccrine glands, and sebaceous glands.

Fat tissue was noted at the base of the lesion. Clinical and histopathologic findings were consistent with the diagnosis of supernumerary breast tissue, also known as pseudomamma.

To our knowledge, this is the first report of supernumerary breast tissue on the foot. Supernumerary breast tissue, known as SBT, is rarely found beyond the mammary line. But they have been seen before on the back, shoulder, face, and even thigh."

The lady's tit foot doesn't hurt and it's been there since birth.

Say what you want, but a foot nipple is a beautiful thing. Ho can nurse a baby without it burping up into her nostrils or slobbering all over her tits. Ho's dating pool has opened up now that she'll attract sucio fucks who want to chew on her toe while licking on her foople. Ho can put on a sock with a nipple hole and get a tingle from her foot to her good place with every step. We should all be so lucky as to have a nipple on our foot.

via The Sun (Thanks to everybody who sent this in)

I don't know how or why this happened, but for the past few days Prison Break's Dominic Purcell and 90210's Annalynne McCord have been canoodling, handnoodling, mouthnoodling, crotchnoodling and doing every other kind of noodling all over Los Angeles. 41-year-old Dom, who is a father of quatro, got a divorce 3 years ago and 24-year-old (tomorrow) Annalynne recently pushed her chocha away from giant muscle Kellan Lutz. And now Dom and Annalynne are the couple that random purged up.

Everybody's gotta feed their genitals and put dick on the table, so the only thing I can hate on for now is Dom's battle against the hot. Staches and undermouth clit buffers work for some, but it doesn't work for Dom. Dude looks like a trust fund hipster trying to look like a Midwestern gas station clerk who masturbates into taxidermy boxes. It's not working. Dom needs to get into some shave love and let his octagon jaw be great!

Here's more of random's favorite couple of the week hugging on the ho stroll after Annalynne got bikini egged on the set of 90210.

The thorn in Nancy Grace's Botoxed hair helmet was sentenced to 4 years in the chokey this morning for telling lies to the police about the disappearance of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee. But bitch will go from behind bars to dancing topless on top of a bar by the end of the summer!

Even though Judge Belvin Perry, Jr., who talks so slow that I was done emptying a cup full of dried molasses onto a table before he spit out 4 words, gave Casey Anthony a year for every count she was found guilty of, she will be given credit for the three years she's already served. CNN reports that the judge, the prosecutors and Casey's lawyers are currently working with the corrections department to figure out the exact number of days she's served. It's looking likely that she'll be doing the celebratory Girls Gone Wild tit flash outside of the jail gates by the end of this month or early next month.

Casey Anthony really had it in her head that she was getting out today, right? Bitch was ready to go. Just look at that subtle Wino party hive on her head and that Tommy Girl sweater that's easy to yank off as she goes in for her fourth morning mudslide at T.G.I. Friday's. Bitch has even got her thumbs out like she's ready to scoop out the last bits of a Jell-O shot from a plastic cup. Oh, well. I guess that multi-million dollar book deal, truTV dating show and paid endorsements from Disney World (take that, Universal Studios) will have to wait. Hey, don't judge Casey! Bitch has got $4,000 worth of court fines to pay. It's not like she can chloroform those fines and hide them in the swamp.

UPDATE: Bitch will be out on Wednesday.

Here's 16-year-old Connor Cruise coming face-to-face with a pair of bare titties in Miami over the weekend. (For the NSFW version, click here.) The face Connor Cruise is making is the exact opposite face his dad Tommy Girl makes when he comes across lady chichis in the wild. If this was Tommy Girl, his face would contort into a glib seizure, the Thetans around his Scientolohole would throw themselves in Xenu's volcano and his handlers would have to sweep in to cradle him close while whispering in his ear to go to his happy place. THIS, being his happy place.

Topless homegirl's friend knows what I'm talking about. She's definitely throwing a "Bitch, you're braver than me. The last time I flashed a Cruise, his hos covered my tits with dick-shaped nipple cozies" side-eye. But they were safe around Connor who didn't seem to mind that he was sharing breathing space with areolas of the female variety. Meanwhile, back at his hotel...

The Daily Mail has pictures of Tommy Girl with a pussy all over his face. Yes, it's true that even Siegfried and Roy wouldn't throw a treat at Tiger Girl, but it's also true that looking at Tommy in tiger face is really making me with there was an animated children's series called ThunderGays.

When Lindsay Lohan came stumbling out of a Hollywood club early yesterday morning like a dozen booze bottles just ran a train on her mouth, we all knew she would put the blame on everything and everybody but herself. LiLo is not one to let us down, so she just done just that! Last night, Delusion gently cradled LiLo in its arms and softly padded her back so that she could burp this out on her Twatter:

Of course me going to my best friends going away dinner is a headline- especially on my first day out of my house in 35 days. That does not give anyone the right to have a field day and manifest stories. IT WAS A GOING AWAY DINNER, THAT WAS IT. Nothing exciting happened aside from the very yummy hummus and pita. If anyone caused me to nearly fall it was the pyschotic paparazzi.... off to the gym now- have a lovely day xo

LiLo also posted the picture above of her shoe, so just to recap, this drunk bitch is blaming: THE SHOES! THE PAPARAZZI! THE HUMMUS! THE PLANET for spinning to fast causing 5 hours to feel like 5 minutes! THE EVERYTHING!

Unless someone secretly switched bitch's shoes with a pair of flask heels with a syringe in the inset that injected booze directly into her foot veins (someone should invent this) or the chickpeas in the hummus came from Colombia, bitch just got drunk! But I guess saying the opposite of the truth earns her ass more time under the attention whore spotlight. Let's try it: I absolutely did not just fap to ginge-on-ginge porn in between nibbling on a breakfast Hot Pocket. My psychotic dog is manifesting stories again!

Nope, didn't work for me.

Vanilla Gorilla has used his hailin' fist to beat down the rumor that his engagement to Katherine von Drachenberg is no more. Life & Style ran story claiming that Vanilla Gorilla told his friends that Kat Von D is too much drama and he's not interested in making her the fourth wife he'll totally fuck over in the worst way. But Vanilla Gorilla told People that there's no trouble trashadise and everything's going according to plan. In fact, VG tells People that he and Kat Von D will beat the dead carcass that is marriage by becoming husband and wife on their one-year anniversary as a couple:

"We're still going strong. Things are completely good with us. That day can't come soon enough! Everything is on track. I am absolutely more in love today than I was a year ago. She's the one for me."

Of course their one-year anniversary is in August. Most big cities in August reek of grilled dog shit, baked kitty litter, rancid hamburger juice and dirty flip-flop butter so nobody will notice when the disgusting fumes of trash waft from VG and Kat's lips during their first kiss as a married couple. No, seriously, if VG insists on trying to make marriage work for him, I'll tell him the same thing I tell my Chihuahua when he tries to butt hump a Labrador at the dog park: "Have fun trying, bitch, because it's never going to happen."

Jennifer Aniston has long been the go-to lonely miserable-ling and "Well, at least I'm not her" poster child for a bitches who can't get a man, but it's a new day! Jennifer Aniston is accused of being a homewrecking slut whore who used her jaws of life vagina to snatch a man right out from under another woman's body!

If you need Maddox, you can find him in the fetal position, fearing an uncertain future and contemplating the meaning of everything. If his arch rival Jennifer Aniston can successfully pull claimed dick to her side, does this mean that black is no longer Maddox's signature color or that he really thinks knives aren't not toys? June 14, 2011 is the day that Maddox either begins a pilgrimage to find the truth, or it's the day that his thoughts of confusion turn into bubbling rage and he uses that to lead his child army in a battle to take over the world and control destiny! Maddox Khan! But I digress...

There's been talk that Jennifer's new piece Justin Theroux barely broke up with his girlfriend of 14 years Heidi Bivens. Well, Heidi's rep says that "barely" should be bolded, capitalized, italicized and vacuum packed in uncoolness, because Heidi moved out of their apartment only 2 weeks ago. Jennifer and Justin met on the set of Wanderlust back in October, but they turned their relationship from co-workers into co-fuckers last month. A source says that Justin told Heidi he was just friends with Jennifer, but then finally came clean. Heidi's rep said this to Page Six:

"Heidi and Justin have been together for 14 years. They met when she was 20 years old and he 24, and yes, she just moved out of their home last weekend. She has no comment."

A friend of Justin's said that the love between he and Heidi was over long before Jennifer came along. The friend also says that shit is moving fast with Jen and they are practically living together full-time.

Since Jennifer learned from the best, this kind of ho shit behavior from her shouldn't surprise me, but it does! Go, Jen! Get your evil whore on! And we all know what happens next. Jen and Justin will "play house" in a spread for W Magazine, Heidi will call it uncool and then they'll adopt an orphan from Cambodia and call him UMaddox. And please tell me UMaddox turns out to be Maddox's long-lost brother. I can already hear the galloping from Maddox Khan's child army in the distance....

Remember when Nicolas Cage's son Weston was put in the crazy house last week after he reportedly roundhouse kicked his trainer for not letting him order what he wanted at a restaurant? Well, that's not exactly what happened. TMZ is now saying that it wasn't Weston's trainer who felt his Hot Topic wrath. It was his babysitter.

Kevin Villegas was Nicolas Cage's assistant for 5 years before he was put on Weston Cage duty. Kevin, who has a military background, was sent to find Weston after he went missing last week. When Kevin found and tried to bring the goth Chyna in, he found himself with a face full of piping hot eyeliner fumes wafting off of Weston's angry face. Weston threatened to rip Kevin's "Christian fucking head" off before attacking him with a roundhouse kick. Hell hath no fury like a Khloe Kage scorned!

Weston is a highly-trained fighter (meaning he unlocked every character in UFC: Undisputed for Xbox 360), so Kevin was afraid for his life and immediately called the police. While waiting for the cops to arrive, Kevin managed to fist pump Weston in the face a few times. The cops eventually put Weston in the hospital for a mental evaluation. Sources say that Weston might press charges against Kevin.

I do love that Nicolas Cage's idea of parenting is to get one of his goons to beat the baby powder right off of his son's face. And I don't blame Kevin for crying for Jesus, because one should never underestimate a gigantic child who looks like Emily the Strange on bootleg growth hormones. But if Kevin really wanted to get Weston off his ass, he should've just pointed at a Sally Beauty Supply right before shouting, "They're having a sale on Manic Panic nail polish!"

Nancy Pelosi wants Weiner to pull out of congress, his wife is pregnant with their first child, he was under investigation for possibly making Chris Hansen's brow lift by having an online relationship with a 17 year old girl and so naturally he's trying to solve all of his problems by checking into a Tweetment treatment center! Because when all else fails, hide your face (and wang) in rehab!

A rep for Anthony Weiner's office didn't say if he was officially going to resign (the rumor is he's going to do so next week when his wife comes back from the Middle East), but she did issue a statement of words which basically translates into "We hit the DAMAGE CONTROL button and it opened a trap door to rehab."

"Congressman Weiner departed this morning to seek professional treatment to focus on becoming a better husband and healthier person. In light of that, he will request a short leave of absence from the House of Representatives so that he can get evaluated and map out a course of treatment to make himself well."

Congressman Weiner takes the views of his colleagues very seriously and has determined that he needs this time to get healthy and make the best decision possible for himself, his family and his constituents."

Oh, I see he's going to that same rehab for dumb fucks Tiger Woods graduated from. First of all, a grown ass man talking to a teenager whose parents he doesn't know is never a good thing. It might end with your wrists in plastic handcuffs and Chris Hansen throwing you looks of judgement with those sultry eyes of his. Stay away from teenagers completely (that is a rule for everybody).

Second of all, I have the judgement of a cat in heat and the brain of a discarded garden toilet, and even I know how to take naked pictures if I don't want to get caught. Never show even a tip of your chin and always pose in front of a green screen so you can Photoshop in your background of choice. Always use an off-shore e-mail address (that made no sense) and keep all copies of the pictures safely stored in a cock ring flash drive. It's not hard.

Does the 9th district really want a congressman who doesn't know how to do cyber ho shit the right way?

Pull your black lace veils over your face and light an all saints candle from the corner bodega, because the world has lost another white hot rich bitch who was NEVER THE ONE. Trouble, the right hand bitch of Leona Helmsley who inherited $12 million after her mistress died, was carried up to heaven by maid angels last December and we're just hearing about it now. Tell the former members of C + C Music Factory to clock out of their jobs at Arby's, because this is some shit that really makes you go hmmmmm. Let's go over the facts of this future Dateline NBC investigation.

- When Leona Helmsley, a maid's worst nightmare before Dominique Strauss-Kahn came along, went off to the other side, she left $12 million to her dog Trouble and $5 million each to two of her four grandchildren. The other grandchildren got a handful of nothing for reasons they were aware of.

- One of Leona's maids publicly said that she was pissed Trouble got that much money since the white bitch bit her years ago and she didn't get a cent.

- Trouble had to flee her mansion and go into hiding after she received dozens of death threats from evil cunts who threatened to kidnap and brutally murder her for the $12 million.

- Leona's grandchildren filed papers claiming that her crazy gene caused her to leave $12 million to Trouble. Leona's estate and her grandchildren came to an agreement and $10 million of Trouble's money was donated to charity. Trouble's caretaker said that her annual expenses were only $190,000 so he figured $2 million should be enough for her to live in luxury the rest of her life.

- Trouble died less than 2 years later at the age of 12 from "natural causes."

It doesn't take a Clue champion to figure out what's going on here. Something in Trouble's milk was rat poison! If karma truly is the bitch it claims to be, then Trouble will be reincarnated as a gold digger who will marry one of Leona's grandchildren just so she can divorce them and take their fortune. Trouble always gets the last bite.

Goodnight, my sweet bitchy princess. Til we meet again!

via NYDN