H.A.M.

Can somebody please show me at least one normal looking Jackson spawn? One?! What the hell does Rebbie Jackson look like now? Show me her, because she would never let me down. Look at Jermain Jackson. I just can't. He looks like a roasted chicken (I'm talking about chicken a lot today, because I'm hungries) with a Max Headroom wig.

Here's Jermaine making grown men cry at the opening of Eva LongWHORIA's restaurant, Besos, last night. Yes, Eva has her own joint. Bitch thinks she's JLo.

Speaking of Rebbie, if you're bored click here to see her "Centipede" video. One of the hottest videos ever made. She's due for a comeback.

Marie Osmond has confirmed that she's getting her own talk show in 2009. Oprah has nothing to worry about. The show doesn't have a title so far, but I'm going to take a wild guess and say they are going to call it "The Marie Osmond Show." Hollywood is really creative that way.

Marie said, "I want it to be a fun show, that girlfriend destination where we can all laugh a little bit, cry a little bit and just enjoy life." And faint a little and piss a little, because that's what menopausal woman do!

They will give a talk show to ANYONE. I mean...Gabrielle Carteris, Carnie Wilson, Tempestt Bledsoe, Sharon Osbourne, Tony Danza, Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase! Now you can add Marie Osmond to that mess list. I shouldn't have said Carnie, because that was some good trash.

The only way I will watch this is if she has a daily segement of "hot topics" like on The View. Instead of discussing the day's events with other people, I want her to discuss them with her dolls. You just know she talks to them before she goes to bed and tucks them in and shit. Besides Marie's dolls probably have a higher IQ than Sherri Shepherd.

Source

Rap bitch, Khia, does an advice column for Hood Magazine when she really should be doing an advice column for every major newspaper out there. Dear Abby who? Khia tells it like it is. Here's her advice to little LaShawn:

Khia,
Hey girl I hope you choose this to go in the magazine. My name is Lashawn and I'm seventeen down here in Dade county. Anyway I just had my second baby from a grown ass man, 27 to be exact, who said he was gone be there after the baby was born.

He kept fucking me while I was pregnant all the way up to the doctor said I couldn't have any more sex. After that he disappeared. I feel so lost. What should I do?
- - LaShawn

Khia's response:

AMBER ALERT!

Somebody call the police, there's a molestor on the loose!!!! Oh my bad, I guess I'm the only one who see's this is a crime. What's really hood Lashawn? Sorry to be so blunt but you were fucking a child molestor and be glad he's gone. I know you may think you're in love, but this was never love on his end. This was a grown ass man fucking a vulnerable child, now about to be a mother. My advice to you is it's time to grow up and the first lesson you have to learn is:

Don't trust no nigga
Trust no man but God
Love yourself and respect your body
Don't let anyone talk you out of your panty pudding

You let this man fuck you with no protection and get you pregnant. Girl you slipping and its time for you to start preparing for your child. He or she needs you to give them the love that you missed along the way and trust me you won't find that love in any man, only from God and within yourself. Get prayed up and surround yourself with women of wisdom who can help you along the way. Why are you worried about the man, its time to give all that love and energy to your child and I promise

She had me at panty pudding. Somebody give Khia her own talk show now! This bitch needs a national platform to spread the truth. Panty pudding! I bet yours is tapioca. Check. You know I'm right. Mine is butterscotch.

VIA Crunk + Disorderly